The Amazing Race: All-Stars - Wrap-Up

I've never been more torn on reality contestants than I am on Charla and Mirna, especially Mirna. Usually, if I can't stand a player, I want to see them gone, and ooooh, I could not stand this team. From their hypocrisy to their inability to go through a country without temporarily kidnapping a local to the insulting and patronizing accents they put on whenever they spoke to someone who didn't have English as a first language (and possibly even a couple who did) to their ridiculous hate of the Beauty Queens to calling every local "my friend" with the faint sound of panic in their voices all the way to their constant use of "This is life or death," this is a team that made every inch of my being scream, "PLEASE GET ELIMINATED!"
Yet at the same time, and this is why this season confused me so, I wanted them to stay because, damn, they were entertaining in their awfulness. I think I finally understand Lord Of The Rings fans. Anyway, they came in third, and I'm glad they made the final three. Sure, that meant they had a chance to win, but if that happened, the fact that they were an all-female team would have made that a lot easier to live with, despite how much more sanctimonious it would have made them.
As it is, we did have an all-female team finish better than any before, and come within a few short minutes of winning. Dustin and Kandice, for two seasons now you've had no bigger cheerleader than myself, and once again you showed why. A second place finish isn't the win for a million, but in The Amazing Race, it's nothing to sneeze at. You two showed why you were brought back for All-Stars by the way you ran so much of the race with smiles on your faces and just a joy for being there. You can also take pride that in your original season, you two actually managed to beat a Fast Forward. That is tough to do for anyone, but you pulled it off.
I don't know what it is about these two that raise the ire of their fellow racers so much, but for both seasons they've managed to make enemies. Are they kicking puppies when the camera isn't looking? They don't do much different and take any advantage any more than any other racers. They have no compunction about using the Yield, but damn it, that's what it's there for! You don't see teams whining in hockey because the other side is using a goalie, do you? Yes, it must be horribly frustrating to be Yielded, but it's not like the team punched your grandmother in the face. Eric overreacted to being Yielded just a tad, but that's nothing new in the Race.
What's more annoying is how the other teams get all morally outraged over the Yield being used. There are very few opportunities for outright strategy in this competition. To not use it to your advantage (or not use it to your advantage, rather than not using it out of a sense of moral superiority) is just stupid. It's a tool the Race provides, and using it makes sense. I love that no matter how freaked out everyone got, Kandice and Dustin had no problem using it, and didn't let it make them feel bad. Yes, Oswald, they used a tool the Race provides guilt-free. And they used it smartly, as Eric and Danielle were huge threats (very huge threats, it turns out).
They even had the best fight. There was none of the screaming we're used to in fights on this show. There was frustration, a temporary desire to quit, then they got over it and were back to smiles. There are times you can really tell when people racing together really are friends (I believe it was the first season I watched that one woman didn't want to stop unrolling haystacks looking for the clue because she didn't want to let down her friend), and this fight was one of those moments. Dustin told Kandice she couldn't imagine running this race without her. Throw in the time Dustin was crying out of concern for when Kandice was high, so very high up and jumping off a building, I've finally come to a very hard decision. It was very hard to choose between the two, but I have, and so I'm proud to announce...
Dustin Seltzer, you are Miss Realivision 2007!
If there was an actual crown and ceremony, I'd have Miss Realivision 2006, Melissa Witek, present it to you, but it's all happening in spirit.
Danny and Oswald were my second choice to win. They also remembered to have fun for most of the race, and it was refreshing to see a team stop for refreshments. I started to sour on them a little near the end though when they started getting more grumpy, and especially when Oswald started getting all pissy and guilty about selling the last Yield to the Beauty Queens. Look, Ozzy, you needed the money as you were broke, and the Beauty Queens didn't use it maliciously. Get over it. I'd really hate to see some of these people on Big Brother or Survivor, seeing that we'd be hearing "integrity" get yammered on about more than we already do. And voting someone off? Oh no! That's not a nice thing to do! Yes, all this self-righteous yapping about the Yield got to me. If I was in the game and I got to the Yield first, you can bet I'd use it on someone's ass to give me an advantage.
Not that it mattered either time. Eric and Danielle were very good at coming back from Yields. In fact, the second time they did so well they may well have won that leg if it weren't for the Yield, so it was a good play and got the BQs another prize.
Oh, Eric and Danielle. I so didn't want you two to win, but you just had to go ahead and do that, didn't you? It's not that I hated you, it's just that when your squabbling wasn't annoying me, you bored me. But you won anyway, and I'll especially give props to Eric who is very good at this competition, coming in second the first time, and winning the second. I just wish I never had to see your pierced nipples. Nobody wants to see that.
In case you haven't heard, Eric and Danielle broke up very soon after the race. I guess he couldn't wait to ditch the beard and get back to Jeremy, his original partner, who promised Eric spankings in a strange, pointless phone call at the finish line.
One of the biggest head-scratching decisions from the producers this season was having one non-elimination leg right after the other. When Eric and Danielle were marked for elimination on the first leg, would they have just been marked for elimination the second time as well if they ended up coming in last? It makes no sense, and really takes away from the point of being marked for elimination. Back when they players just had to give up their money and possessions, it would have worked, but with the new rules, it doesn't.
I've also never seen a season where airports and flights have played a bigger role. Obviously they're a big part of every season, but rarely have they screwed so many teams so often. Joyce and Uchenna were eliminated because they chose the wrong flight and couldn't make their connection in time. Other teams wound up so far behind that the frontrunners were starting the next leg before they even reached the mat! I felt bad for them, but it was awesome to see. I'd also like to point out that in that particular leg, Dustin and Candice had come in first so they were the first to leave before those in the back arrived. Whoo hoo!
All in all, it was a good season. There weren't a heck of a lot of great challenges this time around, so that was a bummer (really, count stairs for a fast forward? Go for a ride? Come on). On the other hand, it was the best All-Star season of any of the shows that have had one. There wasn't as much baggage going in, and alliances count for very little thanks to the nature of the game, despite what Mary from Kentucky would like. She'd do very well in The Amazing Picnic, but she's just not cut out for The Amazing Race where people actually want to be ahead of you and aren't horrible, horrible people for doing so. This is why they missed the Chos from their season, another team not made for this game. If there's ever an Amazing Stroll Through The Park, they should apply.
Not having watched every season (to my regret), it was nice to see faces who were new to me this edition. I didn't get to know all of them, as the very first elimination was a team I'd never seen before. There were teams that left me wondering how they got picked for All-Stars. The two bald guys, Kevin and Drew... Were they more entertaining or stronger racers in their original season? Now I know how people who never saw the first season of Big Brother felt upon seeing Chicken George on their All-Stars (I so wanted Brittany back for that, but upon seeing what an abomination that season turned out to be, not only am I glad she wasn't, I'm sorry any of my favourites who were there had to go through that).
There is good news and bad news from CBS about the show. The good news is the Race will be back. The bad news is, it's going to be a wait. Unless there's a big upturn in ratings, we've come to the end of two seasons a year. Luck for us though, there will still be a lot to watch. I'm particular looking forward to the premiere of Pirate Master coming up very soon. Arrrr.

The Amazing Race: All-Stars - Aired March 25

Holy friggin' crap, this episode was all about the airport, wasn't it?
It seems like Dar Es Salaam is the most popular vacation spot on the planet, because every team had issues getting there as every team had to fly stand-by.
The first place win helped Charla and Mirna tremendously here, as they managed to get the first shot at seats on all flights and got a huge lead over all the other teams.
It wasn't even close, people.
This insane day at the airport was frustrating to the teams, and probably boring to any viewers who wanted to see more action. Not me. I loved every minute of it. You know who else probably loved it? Joyce and Uchenna. If you remember, they came in last on the previous leg, and so were marked for elimination. That meant if they didn't come in first this leg, they would incur a 30 minute penalty. Remembering that this is just a commentary and not a recap, I can say that penalty didn't make any difference at all. In fact, they got so far ahead of the next closest team, the Beauty Queens (yay!), that Kandice and Dustin still hadn't reached the Pit Stop by the time the penalty came to an end.
Before I go on any further, I just want to let you know this is going to be a short one. I was very tired last week, so tired I didn't event want to think of writing. Then this weekend other stuff came up, and when I wasn't doing that, I was pretty zombified. Sorry.
But speaking of short ones, Charla and Mirna made it to Dar Es Salaam first, where they had to take a boat to their next clue. However, because of allegedly inclement weather, the captain wouldn't take them out until early the next morning.
This allowed Danny and Oswald to catch up to them where Oswald made a joke about a certain bench being where they, um, "worked", that wasn't ha-ha funny (unlike my hiiiiilarious recaps and commentaries (dang, I hit my high point with Treasure Hunters)), but the fact that it went completely over Charla and Mirna's heads was great. And right there is where I show what a classy joint this is. I made one short comment earlier (I hesitate to call it a "joke"), but I let that part about going over Charla and Mirna's heads go right by. That's why this is where the swells come to get their fancy television writing.
Ugh. I'm not going to even going to try to figure out who was where and when. Eric and Danielle were given their seats by mistake, which led to one of the highlights of the season - seeing them being asked to kindly leave the aircraft. So this gave three teams a lead over them, leaving them stranded with Ian, Teri, Bill and Joe at the airport. He wasn't vocalizing it, but you just know Eric was thinking, "Eww, old people! Ick! Ick!"
However, because they were removed from the last flight, they got the only seats on the next flight, leaving the oldsters of the season with more airport waiting to do.
Seriously, it was so bad that I think teams were still there at around the half-hour mark on the episode. I think all the teams made it to Johannesburg from Mozambique, but it's all a jumble of ticket counters and the joie de vivre of hanging around airports. This leg wasn't even going to be close. There was at least a good day or so between the first place and last place teams.
To make matters worse for our two fogey teams, Eric and Danielle were able to get the next flight while they still had to wait. There are going to have to be some serious equalization points to bring the whole pack back together. You know that things are horribly awry when Mirna and Charla come in first two legs in a row! Oops. Spoiler.
Ah, let's just look at the Detour. Solve It or Schlep It. In Solve it, teams had to do a nifty puzzle. In Schlep it, they had to carry two huge, misshapen logs on a cart. Some teams did one, some the other. Of the first place teams, Oswald and Danny finished first, but they stopped for some fruit on the way to the Roadblock, allowing Charla and Mirna to overtake them.
At the Roadblock, one of the teammates had to use a throwing weapon called a Rungu to destroy a clay target and get their next clue. Mirna triumphed, and they got their second first place finish. Their prize for winning this leg? A pair of catamarans. The blank looks on their faces made me scream, "BOATS! CATAMARANS ARE BOATS, YOU PATRONIZING TO NON-ENGLISH SPEAKERS IDIOTS!"
Is it wrong to so thoroughly dislike a team but enjoy them at the same time? I so don't want them to win, but damn, it just wouldn't be the same without them if they don't make it to third place behind the second place Oswald and Danny and first place, million dollar winning Kandice and Dustin.
So Oswald and Danny came in next, followed by Joyce and Uchenna who waited half an hour and the Beauty Queens still didn't show up (I can't for the life of me remember how they got so far behind), but at least the BQs came in fourth. Eric and Danielle made their way boringly to the mat, leaving two more teams. See? I haven't given everything away.
Bill and Joe arrived in sixth place, meaning Teri and Ian were eliminated, leaving one less geriatric team around to remind Eric that he will age and his pierce nipples will sag.


Anyway, sorry that was so truncated. Except for the Grease finale, expect to see that until I'm caught up again. Heck, I still have to write up last week's Apprentice and as I look at the clock, this week's is starting in about five minutes. Urgh.

The Amazing Race: All-Stars - Aired March 18

It's strange, this first episode without Rob and Amber. I'm not used to seeing them leave so early in any of these shows. The good news is that the race doesn't seem to be a lock for any one team now. Hell, even Mirna and Charla might come in first at some point. I know, and pigs will fly!
Thanks to the ending that surprised everyone, the second biggest bit of news from this episode was completely overlooked. Any other episode, except last week's, would have everyone buzzing about this. Eric, yes, that Eric, showed some personality! Unfortunately that personality includes such descriptors as "asshole-ish" and "somewhat homophobic". Joe and Bill aren't my two favourite racers either, but shouting "Freak freak freak!" at them was uncalled for. It wouldn't have been so bad if Eric hadn't then referred to them as "queens" in an interview seconds after this happened.
There is no need to like Joe and Bill (The Guidos), and the way they overreacted to Eric telling his driver to make it look like they were trying to pass them was ridiculous. I'm talking Mirna-level ridiculous here. But that's no excuse for homophobic insults, Mr. Nipple Rings Possibly Trying To Overcompensate For Something.
All of this overshadowed yet another big piece of news - the race finally left South America! Whoo hoo! From Argentina, the teams went all the way to Mozambique in Africa! With this being the All-Star season, it would have been nice to see them fit as many continents as possible, but now it's likely that either Europe or Asia will be skipped, damn it. Not only would have been nice to see the teams race through both, it would have been cool to see them have to go through Australia and Antarctica too. Australia is still a possibility, but considering how close they just were to Antarctica only to go in a completely different direction, that's not going to happen. A race through all seven continents really would have added to something calling itself "All-Stars".
Okay, that out of the way, before finding out they were leaving the country, the teams first had to find their clue. They took a lift up and hiked up to Marial Glacier, a glacier that looked pretty haggard and all melty-like. I won't get into global warming though, as I'll soon be getting preachy over something else.
After getting off the lift and before they started their hike, the teams had to grab backpacks what had avalanche beacons that they would use to find other beacons in the snow, and it was there where they would find their next clue.
It went fairly smoothly for most of the teams. Some had an easier time than others. One team, however, didn't read their whole clue before hiking to the glacier and so had to go all the way back to the lift to get their backpacks. Why must you break my heart like this, Kandice and Dustin? The Beauty Queens are a kickass team, but they keep making careless mistakes, something I hope all this extra hiking helped cure them of.
Fortunately Oswald and Danny were having a very hard time working out the beacon, so they were the last team to leave. You know, I wouldn't worry about being the last team to leave this early in a leg, because there's bound to be a time equalizer somewhere. Still, you don't want to take that chance either.
Okay, now the teams left for Africa, we got that unpleasantness between Eric and The Guidos, and yes, that part happened at a time equalizer anyway as they had to wait for a park to open so they could do their next task.
The Roadblock was cool and scary this week. Scary because thanks to war, Mozambique is littered with landmines, a deadly threat to its citizens, and especially its children. It kinda makes the whole "making a game of this" thing seem a little heartless. But if it helps to educate, that's a good thing. The cool part of it was the giant rats that are trained to search for landmines. How giant were these rats? Think of a small dog. Yeah, that big. Phil Keoghan was even cradling one in his arms as he was describing the task. If you have to cradle it in your arms, that's one monster rodent.
One of the teammates had to choose a rat and use it to find a deactivated mine, and there they would also find a race marker, which would get them their clue. Not taking a chance that the mines weren't properly deactivated, the racers only had to find it, some poor local would have to dig. To make this task easier, the rats were attached to strings and could only go back and forth in a straight line. Once they found the mine, they'd start digging. The racer would then say they believe the mine is there, their local help would go over it with a metal detector, and if correct, would start digging, praying fervently that their last day on Earth wouldn't be spent helping some American game show contestant win a million dollars.
For the most part, the racers were able to get through this task without incident. Some took a little longer than others, but the only one who really had a problem was Charla. Whether it was impatience, or if she was too busy getting righteously outraged over all the other rats daring to do better than hers, she wasn't paying enough attention and as the rat would start digging, she got it to move on. Not that it mattered for long, because one commercial break later, she finally noticed the rat digging, and they got their clue. It was nice to see this task end without any Mozambicans being blown up.
Now with everyone on the road again, it was time to go back to the town they started from, Maputo, find their next clue, and on to the Detour.
"Pamper or Porter?" The choice, as always, was between two tasks. The teams would either have to travel to a market and paint fingernails to try and raise 30 metecais (about one U.S. dollar), or they'd have to travel to another market, use their hands to fill ten 45-pound (about 20.4 kg) bags with coal then carry one of those bags to a specific address where the owner would hand them their next clue. I always wonder how the producers get some of these tasks set up, especially when they have to go to regular homes. Do they go to random houses and ask if they'd like a free bag of coal? The people who answer the doors, while having the clues, always seem to be a little surprised that this really is happening.
Phil let's us know something the racers aren't aware of... In Maputo, it's usually men who paint fingernails for pay. This led to every man in the race choosing to do the coal task, incorrectly believing that it might be harder for them to get customers.
The two all-female teams, however, went with the nails. Sure, it's usually men who do this in Maputo, but how often does one get the chance in Mozambique to have her nails coloured by a blonde little person and her cousin both talking in insulting accents? Not very often, my friends! Not very often. Heck, how often does one get that chance in Canada or the United States? Not very often, my friends!
So while the majority of the teams were digging through coal all hot and sweaty, Charla and Mirna pulled off a feat most thought impossible. They came in first. First they knock out Rob and Amber then they come in first? Up is down, black is white, Horatio Sanz is funny!
There is a downside to this, of course. They are still Charla and Mirna, so they're going to see this as a vindication of their self-righteous, hypocritical ways. God or karma saw to it that they won this leg as a reward for being such fantastically good people who know that any language barrier can be overcome as long as you use a horrible, patronizing accent!
But damn, if they aren't entertaining. I don't want to see them win, but I would like to see them make it to fourth or fifth place just because they make for good television.
The team I do want to see win, despite the mistakes they've made, came in second. Well done, Beauty Queens! They finally kicked the fourth place or lower habit they've developed this season. Now if only they can get a few first place finishes in. Or even just one where it really, really counts.
Now I said earlier that all the men chose to do the coal task. That doesn't mean all of them actually did it. Despite Ian wanting to do the coal, he and Teri got lost and wound up at the wrong market. Rather than waste time trying to find the correct one, they decided to do the fingernail polish despite Ian's trepidations. They managed to get two young ladies to agree to have their nails done for, what was to them, an obscenely expensive price. With that done, Teri and Ian headed to the Pit Stop and, much to their surprise, a third place finish.
That left all the coal diggers. Oswald and Danny were the first to finish, and when they got to the mat all filthy and covered in coal dust, Oswald gave us one of the greatest Amazing Race moments ever when he chased Phil around, trying to get a hug.
Joe and Bill came in next, leaving it a last place fight between Eric and Danielle and Joyce and Uchenna.
Eric and Danielle convinced some local kids to lead them to their address, while Joyce and Uchenna relied instead on their own uncanny sense of direction which allowed Captain Nipple Rings and Boobin to beat them to the mat.
So this was it for Uchenna and Joyce. That's okay, they've won before. They're not the team I wanted to see leave this week, but at least... what? It's a non-elimination leg!
Carrying over the non-elimination rule that first came into play last season, they got to keep all their money and belongings, but they are now marked for elimination. That means that unless Joyce and Uchenna come in first next week, they will incur a half-hour penalty and will not be allowed to check in until that half-hour is up. It's certainly possible, and I will be keeping my fingers crossed that Eric and Danielle get so lost that they fall a good 31 minutes behind everyone else. Then Joyce and Uchenna can be eliminated the week after that.

The Amazing Race: All-Stars - Aired March 11

It's episodes like this one that make me wish I was recapping Amazing Race instead of just commenting on it, there was so much juiciness in it (but due to technical difficulties, recapping a show that isn't a talent competition isn't possible). This episode also managed to turn my own competitive reality world upside down. For the first time in two seasons of this show and one season of Survivor, I actually liked Amber. I know she was in another season of Survivor, but I still can't remember her from it.
And it's not just that. I've even softened towards Boston Rob. Damn it, how ironic is it that I've started liking Romber now, this episode of all episodes?
After finishing first yet again at the last pit stop, they were the first to leave on this leg. They would never see first place again, except for in my heart for a short time.
It wasn't like they didn't get off to a good start. At one point, there was a good two hour difference between the teams in the front and the two teams in the back who couldn't get on the first flight, giving those that arrived at the Detour first a pretty decent head start.
The options at the Detour were pretty simple. Sign It or Navigate It. Build a signpost, correctly spelled and in proper order, detailing the stops Magellan took on his historic trip around the world, or follow a simple map to find a man dressed as a sailor, get a compass from him, and follow that directly south.
The map option seemed the easiest to me, but not all the teams took it. Rob and Amber (well, Rob) chose the signpost because Rob builds things, Joyce and Uchenna chose it as well, as did Team Realivision who, though we do love Kandice and Dustin, have their issues with directions and thus this did seem like the better choice.
Speaking of the Beauty Queens, and we always do, they've realized that they haven't been kicking as much ass as they did last season. Part of this problem is that they've been overthinking everything. As soon as I heard that, I knew the haters would have a field day despite it being true. It happened on this task as well. Instead of just doing it as stated on the clue, they started to wonder if all the little signs on the post had to be pointing in the proper direction to the different locations (they didn't). That ate up a lot of time, of course.
While the teams who chose the signpost task worked away at it, the teams that chose the map and compass finished quickly and started heading to their next location where they had to get spots on a charter plane.
Rob was the first at the signpost task to get the correct starting location for Magellan, and he and Amber did well with getting their post finished, but it turns out that Romber has a weakness after all. Spelling. I've no doubt while watching this episode and seeing the camera keep showing us that they spelled "Phillipines" as "Philipeans", they must have fallened to their knees, rending their clothes and shouting, "Curse our semi-literateness!" Why it never occurred to them to double check their spelling against the map they had to copy from after they were first told by the judge that they didn't have it right is beyond me.
Uchenna and Joyce were able to finish their sign correctly after one misstep where they started the voyage at Guam instead of Seville, Spain, the only team on this Detour who were able to do so, and they headed off to their next destination.
Team Realivision were keeping an eye on clock and realized that the two teams behind them would be landing shortly, so they proposed to team up with Rob and Amber to give up on this task and try the navigation.
Normally I'd advise against joining up with the Beauty Queens on any tasks that involve directions, but at this point there was no real choice. I don't know why they didn't change tasks earlier, something Amber tried to convince Rob to do but he stubbornly refused.
So they headed off, but still struggled. As they were trying to find the sailor, Joe and Bill ("the Guidos", a team name I don't understand) showed up and passed them. Ouch. Luckily Mirna and Charla decided to do Sign It, which resulted in Charla trying to carry supplies while Mirna screamed at her. Of course, if Charla didn't try to help, Mirna would have screamed at her. If we were to get to see what goes on at the Pit Stop, I'm sure we'd be treated to Mirna screaming at Charla there. "THAT'S MY SANDWICH! DON'T TOUCH MY SANDWICH, CHARLA! GO GET YOUR OWN! I NEED SOME MILK, COME WITH ME, CHARLA! HURRY! HURRY! STOP EATING THOSE CHIPS SO LOUDLY!"
That Mirna is such a delight.
Meanwhile, back at Navigate It, the Guidos got their clue and our little alliance of Romber and the Beauty Queens got their compasses. However, instead of following the directions, they decided to keep using the map.
Dustin and Kandice, you know I love you, but your sense of direction is going to kill me before this season is over. But if anyone's going to mess up "head straight south" while they've got a compass in their hand...
So, let's look at what did in Rob and Amber this episode. Stubborness, spelling, and teaming with the Beauty Queens when directions are important.
By this point in the race, it was safe to bed that Rob and Amber were going to miss first place for the first time this season. But were things going so bad that they'd get eliminated?
Rob wasn't used to being this far behind, and he wasn't happy having to take the later charter flight. Unlike those racers who are ecstatic when they have to take the later plane, bus, train, boat, or horse-drawn carriage.
Next stop - the end of the world. Teams had to travel to the southern most tip of Argentina, which just so happens to be the southern most tip of South America. To be so close to penguins, yet so far...
The clues weren't done yet. Racers had to find the clue box that would lead them to boats that would take them to the Road Block. It was here that I finally liked Amber. She and Rob overshot the clue box, and Mirna and Charla followed right behind them. Nothing new there. However, when they realized they must have missed it, Romber turned around and with their last clue still in their hands, Amber said "Got it!" as they walked past Team Undermedicated. Mirna suspected a lie, because she's allegedly an attorney and is used to people lying. This threw me for a loop. Somewhere, somehow, Mirna practices law? The hilarious images that brings forth are highly entertaining, including how often she must have been jailed for contempt of court for screaming at judges. And really, should a lawyer be getting high and mighty about other people not living up to the moral code she expects in people who aren't her?
It got even better at the pier. Charla went up to Amber and asked why she lied (because it's a friggin' game, dumbass, and they don't want to be in last place). Amber told her she was talking to Rob, and when she said "Got it!" she meant that she realized where the clue box was. Lovely.
Joyce and Uchenna went down a little in my book though. Before Charla and Mirna arrived at the pier, they were laughing as much as anyone else at the "Got it!" lie, but afterwards they got almost as sniffy about it as Team Undermedicated.
The Road Block this leg was the ever-popular needle in a haystack kind of challenge. One member of each team had to sort through a huge bag of mail of 1600 envelopes to find one of two letters addressed to them, then read the letter which was from a team from their original season. The team would then have to search the island for the Pit Stop where someone may be eliminated. It seems a little early for a non-elimination leg, but this is All-Stars. You never know what they might pull (like never getting out of South America until the final leg, but with everyone this far south, I'd really love to see the race go through Antarctica).
Oswald and Danny got through the envelopes and to the mat to become the first non-Romber team of the season to get first place. After that, the only thing to note outside of Rob/Amber/Charla/Mirna was that the Beauty Queens got a letter from one of the members of their biggest rivals last season, Lyn from Alabama. Her teammate was either unable or unwilling to put the anger behind her, proving that Lyn was the more reasonable half of that team (which was pretty obvious while watching). Anyway, that was pretty cool.
Rob and Amber and Charla and Mirna weren't quite so lucky. Their letters were quite hateful, and there's no need for that. Once the season is over, let go of the hate. Rob and Amber are just very competitive and aren't above sabotaging other players, but hey, it is a game. If Charla and Mirna were as insane their first time out, that would explain their hateful missive. It's bad enough to be the bottom two teams, but to get this kick in the teeth too?
I don't know why Charla didn't do this Roadblock as it wasn't particularly physical and if they defy the odds and stay around for several more legs, she should end up having to do a task that doesn't suit her physical limitations. There isn't much in the way of strategy in The Amazing Race, but when it comes to Road Blocks where only one team member can compete and each person has to do half the tasks, if one team member is more physically capable, use the other on tasks that aren't so physical. But on the other hand, Mirna did finish this task before Rob, giving her and her cousin a head start to the mat. Enough of a head start, it turned out.
As much as I finally started to like Rob and Amber for the first time, it was still pretty fun to see them get beat by an insane lawyer and her little person cousin. I may not like Charla and Mirna, but they are damned entertaining and it would be great to see them beat Eric and Danielle next, the most boring team left this season. At least in his first season, Eric had Jeremy as his partner and the homoerotic subtext of that team and they way they tried to hide it by talking about girls all the time helped make them fun. And he was part of the team that called and cancelled other people's cabs! This Eric isn't like that! Now the most entertaining thing about him is wondering when we'll get to see his pierced nipples next!
Oh, Rob and Amber. From three straight first place finishes to eliminated in their worst place finish in any of their shows. Now they'll have to go back to struggling on one of their other 30 or so reality shows and living off of Amber's Survivor: All-Stars winnings.

The Amazing Race: All-Stars - Aired March 4

On Survivor this season, I haven't been able to find anyone I want to cheer for. That is normally a bad thing, but at least there's nobody giving me a heart attack every week, Kandice and Dustin! You know I love their spirit, how they won't flinch at any of the challenges (Danielle!) and few people seem to have as much fun running this race as them. Their sense of direction, however, is truly horrifying. I get the sense though that it's more that they're not taking their time to make sure they're taking the right turn or looking for the signs they need to find.
It was a wrong turn that did them in last time. Don't be surprised to see it happen again if they don't win the race. If anyone can beat Rob and Amber. I know it's in them though. The Beauty Queens were the team who beat the Fast Forward last season!
Charla and Mirna. Huh. Their insanity and hypocrisy apparently knows no bounds. I love this team if for no other reason then that they're so freakin' crazy, and that makes for entertaining television! This leg their feud with Dustin and Kandice seems to have died down, and instead one started with Teri and Ian, particularly at an airport ticket counter. Teri and Ian (or Teran) were talking to the agent when Mirna butted in and asked him to help them, sparking off a big argument between the two teams. Mirna was clearly in the wrong here, but she and her cousin are so vastly morally superior to many of the other teams, so it didn't matter because their moral superiority automatically makes it right. I think. Hypocrisy is so confusing!
But dang it if they don't give us some great moments. They wanted to get a local man to show them directions, but he had to go to work. So they offered him $50 and dragged him to their car, and Teri and Ian said they would spit the money with them. Mirna said they'd better, and not screw them like the Beauty Queens did (who, for the record, made no such money-splitting deal). Once in the car and driving away, Charla welcomed this poor man into their scary world.
But it doesn't end there! Mirna picking up fish at the Road Block? Wonderfully nutty! Danielle's histrionics got all the attention, but Mirna was freaking out too. Whichever one of Team Guido, Joe or Bill, who did the Road Block didn't write down the full clue, something Mirna (foolishly) corrected them on, giving them the part they missed. She then spent the rest of the leg getting pissed off whenever the Guidos tried beating them to the pit stop. And then there was the Detour! After completing the white water rafting (during which Charla's face was priceless), they got to their car but couldn't find their keys. Figuring they must be at the tent they were changing in, Mirna started running back and she screamed at Charla to hurry up and come with her, because you know how important it is to have two people run back to a tent to fetch keys. And the local guy was still with them! With all the people racers have picked up and dropped off over the seasons, I wonder how many of them are still out there wandering lost, trying to get home. Nothing beats the woman who used one team (was it the Weavers in Family Edition?) to get a ride to work. That was fantastic.
Speaking of Teri and Ian, I never saw their original season, but this week I became a fan. No, it wasn't the argument with Mirna, as great as that was (and Ian calling for security was gold). No, it was when Teri went overboard on the whitewater raft. It gave us one of the best commercial cliffhangers ever on the show, even though we knew she'd survive (if anyone ever dies on a competitive reality show, there'd be massive controversy if the network decides to air it). But it was still nerve-wracking for the audience and very scary for Ian. She'd survive, but that doesn't mean she wouldn't get hurt badly enough to have to drop out of the race.
Aaaaand... She's safe! Holding on to the rope tied around the raft, Teri's head poked up no worse for wear! It turns out she actually enjoyed the experience and called it "a rush". That's when I became a fan.
Who I'm not a fan of this season is David and Mary. Well, Mary. David is too quiet to say anything to turn people against him. I don't know if we were supposed to feel sorry when she was crying about missing the Cho brothers this season, but these are all people who know that in the end, they are running the race for themselves, not some couple from Kentucky. She thought they were friends with Charla and Mirna, and she's still carrying a grudge that they had the audacity to pass them... in a race. She appreciates the chance to have this amazing experience twice, but I'm still not sure she's quite got a grip on what show she's on. Mary would fit in quite well with the Moto tribe on Survivor: Fiji, who are under the mistaken impression that they're spending 39 days at a luxury resort.
The tasks this week were fun. At the Road Block, one team member had to schlep some 80 flounders between one tank and another, and once done their clues were at the bottom of the tanks. This was how Team Guido missed part of their clue, the guy didn't write everything down. Danielle and Mirna both freaked over the fish, as mentioned earlier. This challenge even slowed down one of the stronger teams, Oswald and Danny, as Danny (I think, who pays attention to these things?) was having trouble with the sheer physicalness of the task.
The Detour, oh, the Detour. The choices were both team members climbing a forty foot cliff to get half the clue each, or taking a whitewater rafting trip to get the clue. Apparently one or two teams started trying the climbing, but this never aired so it likely didn't affect any rankings. All the teams wound up doing the rafting, which gave us moments like Teri's near-drowning and Charla's look of terror. The Beauty Queens had huge smiles on their faces doing this task, and why not? They somehow managed to move past several people!
Because they missed the Detour clue.
Damn.
This team is going to be the cause of a cardiac episode for me, just wait and see.
Kandice and Dustin missed the turn that would have taken them to the clue, because that's how they roll, but somehow managed to find the take off point for the whitewater rafting. The entire time they kept looking for the Detour clue, and at the end were surprised to find a clue that didn't have a Detour. Now normally this would be a mistake that would entail a lot of derision, but things have been shaken up in the race before, and this being the All-Star season, who knows what the producers might pull? And I like them, so I'm going to be biased. So there. Nyah.
When they arrived at the Pit Stop, Phil greeted them and let them know they arrived in fourth place, but... Oh, crap. What would happen? Time penalty? No. He couldn't check them in until they retrieved all the clues! Oh, crap! Not only did they have to go all the way back to find the clue, they were being presented with all new opportunities to get lost!
There was nothing they could do though but go back and retrieved the missing clue. How far behind were the rest of the teams? After driving back and forth who knows how many kilometres (I am Canadian, don't forget), they finally had all their clues and got back to the mat for Phil to officially pronounce them as the fourth place team. Whooooo!
David and Mary on the other hand finally ran out of luck. Without any teams willing to risk their own games to help the Kentuckians stay around, they finally came in last. It's just as well. Their naivety was charming last time around, but this time it wore thin and occasionally came across as a sense of entitlement. Now the real race can begin.
Oh yeah, Rob and Amber came in first yet again.

The Amazing Race: All-Stars - Aired February 25

Holy crap, that was an emotional roller coaster! I was laughing, cheering, and on the edge of my seat preparing for disaster!
Yet for such a great and scary episode, I'm not sure where to start writing. Hmmmm.
Okay, I didn't watch Charla and Mirna's original season, so I have to admit I'm a little surprised by how clearly insane they are, especially Mirna who freaked out over our beloved Beauty Queens following them when she and her cousin paid a cab driver to lead them to their next destination. It was going to take all their money! The Miss Americas should at least pay half!!! FINE! WE'LL JUST SIT HERE!!! Yes, this standard Amazing Race strategy of following someone else was so horrifying that Mirna and Charla were willing to throw the game in order to stop it from happening.
It didn't get any better for them after the Beauty Queens left them and the cabbie refused to take them any further. Do you blame him? How could he not be sure this crazy woman wasn't trying to get him to lead her somewhere secluded to murder him on camera? It didn't help when she started shouting and throwing her fanny pack with all the money at him.
If her Amazing Race experience doesn't end with Mirna getting an ambassador position somewhere, something is horribly wrong with the world.
The cherry on top of this whole insane sundae was Charla telling us how much more moral she and Mirna were than, that beauty is only skin deep and she made some snarky comment about plastic surgery.
I don't know what Kandice and Dustin are like at the pit stops, but this is now two races in a row they've managed to stir up a lot of antipathy from other teams. I always hate to accuse haters of jealousy (I got so sick of that in Big Brother 6), but I'm wondering if some of these teams might not be a little jealous that the Beauty Queens rock so much.
At least they're entertaining. I never watched Kevin and Drew's original season, but I have to think they were a whole heck of a lot better than they were this season. Either they were more fun in either a good or a bumbling way, or they were much, much better racers. This is All-Stars, and all I'm going to remember of them are two bald men who moved slowly and complained a lot. Hell, I can just look at my husband for that.
If I had a husband, but the concept amused me.
Now Drew, or Kevin (which was which?), did have some bad luck with his fall and never did seem to recover, but that doesn't excuse them taking a spot that could have gone to Lori and Bolo or, dare I say, Jonathan and Victoria.
I'm sure they have their fans, or they never would have been back, but I'm not going to miss them. I do hope that Kevin, or Drew (whichever one it was) is feeling better now.
Just as I won't miss Mary and David when their time comes. How was that for a segue, huh? Pretty smoooooth. And it helps to distract you from noticing that we're not finished this thing, yet I just gave away the ending. Anyway, Mary and David, or more specifically, Mary. She didn't take it too well when Mirna and Charla's car passed them late in the leg. She missed the Cho brothers from last season who would wait for her and even gave her team a Fast Forward. But these sanctimonious bitches zipped right past them, like this was a race or something! Well, that's the end of that alliance! We didn't even get a cool nickname for them like "the Back Pack".
Expecting people to let them stay in the race ahead of them was cutely naive for once season. Two in a row? Not so much. This is where All-Stars seasons or second chances can really come back to hurt what goodwill someone has built up with the audience in their first appearance on a show. I loved Stephenie on both seasons of Survivor, but she lost a lot of fans in Guatemala (strangely enough, it was completely the opposite with Janelle on Big Brother where I was one of the few fans she lost).
But all the last place teams aside, there was a lot of excitement this week between Rob and Amber, Oswald and Danny, and Kandice and Dustin.
My heart sank when Romber and Oswanny caught a flight ahead of everyone else. Oh no! But then their flight was horribly delayed and they arrived last! Oh yes! It's bound to happen sooner or later, and while flights have been delayed before on the show, it just doesn't happen nearly enough.
At the Road Block, Dustin pulled into the lead for Miss Realivision 2007 (coming this spring on Realivision, where Miss Realivision 2006 Melissa Witek will pass on the crown to Kandice or Dustin following a gala show sponsored by Motorola and Ask.com) when she kicked butt and got the answer for the next clue faster than anyone. Oh yes! In fact, some players were so bad at this task that Romber and Oswanny caught up to the pack! Oh no!
Then came the Detour, and things didn't get any better. Romber and Oswanny finished first and got to the Pit Stop in first and second place. Oh crap!
We got to see some teams make mistakes that held them back, but not the Beauty Queens, yet somehow they were one of the last teams finished. I don't know why they did so poorly here. They are capable of doing so much better.
If that wasn't bad enough, something horrible happened on the way to the Pit Stop. At one crucial fork in the road, instead of turning left, they turned right. Oooooh crap. Two episodes in, and we're going to see a repeat of last season where it was a missed turn that did them in.
Honestly, my heart had dropped so much by this point. I was cheering when that flight was delayed and when Kandice got that clue, but now the roller coaster was at the low point of the night. That was, until the other cars started turning the same way, following the Beauty Queens as they turned right, but not so quickly following them when they discovered they were going the wrong way around went back in the opposite direction.
And so for the second leg in a row, the Miss Realivision 2007 finalists finished sixth. That's okay. They made a mistake, but this time it didn't knock them out of the game. No, it was Kevin and Drew we said goodbye to. Goodbye, mighty bald men.

The Amazing Race: All-Stars - Aired February 18

It was with some trepidation that I approached the All-Stars season of The Amazing Race. Would it be the abomination that Survivor: All-Stars and Big Brother: All-Stars were? Rob and Amber are participating, so that's not a good start (though to be fair, they are actually really good at this game, and very nearly won last time). The big thing working in favour of Amazing Racing skipping the All-Star curse is that it's a much different game, and it's never really been about alliances so any pre-season alliances made won't make much difference. The very nature of the show also makes it that much harder for the producers to tip it in favour of any particular contestants.
I didn't come to The Amazing Race until several seasons in, a mistake I now regret. However, the advantage to that is that I'm not familiar with some of the teams which helps alleviate one of the other problems of All-Star seasons - getting sick of seeing some of the faces. Realivision is once again firmly in the corner of the Beauty Queens, Dustin and Kandice, but with teams we don't know it's entirely possible we may end up endorsing another team before the end. I hope not, as it would be great to see an all-female team win, but that also depends on how far the Beauty Queens make it. Speaking of which, last season I kept referring to them as Team Miss America. To avoid confusion, I will use the same team name everyone else does. Beauty Queens, or BQs, it is.
It's nice to see some teams in action that I've only heard of, and some that I've never heard of (John Vito and Jill?) so it's a little like an All-Star season and brand new teams all in one.
One of the teams is very much brand spanking new. If you remember the Frat Boys from a couple of seasons back, one of them is back and dating half of another team from his season, Danielle. No, I couldn't remember who she was either. Her team went out fourth I believe, and she's likely here because she's dating Eric. I know! I'm surprised he's with a woman too! Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Not that anyone should care, but who am I familiar with this season? There are the aforementioned Beauty Queens, Romber, Eric, and even Danielle a little. Didn't her team dress in pink a lot? There is Kentucky (Mary and David), and the only winners invited back, Uchenna and Joyce. I wasn't watching the show yet, but I did see one episode with Charla and Mirna when they first appeared. It's possible that may have been to see how former Big Brother House Guest Alison was doing, but if I remember correctly, Mirna had somewhat of a crush on host Phil Keoghan. Oh Phil, I've missed you.
It was season six when I started watching The Amazing Race, and what a season to start. I was cheering on Lori and Bolo, but one of the greatest reality villains was born that year with Jonathan, of Jonathan and Victoria screaming at each other fame. How could I have missed out on five wonderful seasons of this?
That means coming into this I have no idea who Kevin and Drew, Oswald and Danny, John Vito and Jill, Teri and Ian, or Joe and Bill are. That's almost half the teams! Throw Danielle in, and it's 50/50.
One of the things you'd think would change this season is that people would learn more from the past. If a clue says "North Entrance", you really don't want to be trying out the South Entrance. "Oh, it might work!" NO IT WON'T! Some map reading skills would have been a good thing to pick up, and learning some of the different languages would be invaluable, though this first leg took them to a Spanish-speaking country, and every racer knows "Rapido!" by heart, and they all seem fond of repeating it over and over again.
We didn't see too much of Team Realivision... um, the BQs and that's a mixed blessing. On the one hand, they weren't likely to be eliminated. On the other, they're probably going to be in the middle of the pack for now. That's okay, they came in 6th and that's far better than last. Until there are only six teams, that is.
One moment they had on screen was interesting. Kentucky, or Mary in particular, seemed to like them even less now than when they were racing last. I'm only guessing here, but maybe she didn't like how they were against Team Alabama, Kentucky's fellow Back Pack alliance chums. Get over it, Mary. Kandice and Dustin were there to race, not participate in a box social spanning multiple continents.
It was a hoot to see Mary trying to play dirty by lying to the BQs about which airplane was the best to catch then immediately whispering to the team behind them, sending them scurrying off to another ticket counter. I didn't know you had it in you, Mary. This is the same woman who seemed to think that last season was The Amazing Stroll Through A Park Making Friends.
Ooooooh, I know I'm so going to piss off Mary and David fans before this is over. Hey, I enjoyed watching them try to change their game. I just don't want them to win, even though it's very unlikely they will. If they do though, good for them. Spunky Kentuckians, that's what they are. Spunky Kentuckians. It was cute watching them get all star-struck over Rob and Amber, and even a little over Mirna and Charla (who in turn were a little star-struck by them).
Airport shenanigans are one of the greatest things about The Amazing Race. You have to wonder though if there are ticket agents just for the players sometimes, because it seemed like the teams at the American Airlines counter were flanked by lines on both sides, yet there was one agent suspiciously unencumbered by work. But there's no way the producers have any pull at airports, eh, Joyce and Uchenna?
The Detour seemed a little too easy. The choice was anyway. Search a field for items that include a button, or cut some horse hooves and hair? Why Rob and Amber thought that the searching option might make more sense, well, it makes no sense. Not one other team thought it was a good idea, and it wasn't. Every one of them became equine estheticians. So the Detour was easy. Finding it, not so much.
What this leg came down to was being able to find the North Entrance of that whatever-it-was park in a timely manner. Many teams were unable to do this, John Vito and Jill least of all. I really wouldn't have put money on them being last. Kentucky, sure. Charla and Mirna, maybe. With a painful fall suffered by one of the bald men (I can't tell them apart yet), Kevin and Drew seemed the best bet. But all it takes to lose the Race is one wrong turn, one piece of bad luck. Heck, John Vito and Jill were so lost, a team with a blown tire were able to beat them.
There isn't too much to talk about yet. A lot of people running and one challenge. The drama will come soon enough.
Let the anger go, Mary. Just let it go.