The Amazing Race: All-Stars - Aired March 18

It's strange, this first episode without Rob and Amber. I'm not used to seeing them leave so early in any of these shows. The good news is that the race doesn't seem to be a lock for any one team now. Hell, even Mirna and Charla might come in first at some point. I know, and pigs will fly!
Thanks to the ending that surprised everyone, the second biggest bit of news from this episode was completely overlooked. Any other episode, except last week's, would have everyone buzzing about this. Eric, yes, that Eric, showed some personality! Unfortunately that personality includes such descriptors as "asshole-ish" and "somewhat homophobic". Joe and Bill aren't my two favourite racers either, but shouting "Freak freak freak!" at them was uncalled for. It wouldn't have been so bad if Eric hadn't then referred to them as "queens" in an interview seconds after this happened.
There is no need to like Joe and Bill (The Guidos), and the way they overreacted to Eric telling his driver to make it look like they were trying to pass them was ridiculous. I'm talking Mirna-level ridiculous here. But that's no excuse for homophobic insults, Mr. Nipple Rings Possibly Trying To Overcompensate For Something.
All of this overshadowed yet another big piece of news - the race finally left South America! Whoo hoo! From Argentina, the teams went all the way to Mozambique in Africa! With this being the All-Star season, it would have been nice to see them fit as many continents as possible, but now it's likely that either Europe or Asia will be skipped, damn it. Not only would have been nice to see the teams race through both, it would have been cool to see them have to go through Australia and Antarctica too. Australia is still a possibility, but considering how close they just were to Antarctica only to go in a completely different direction, that's not going to happen. A race through all seven continents really would have added to something calling itself "All-Stars".
Okay, that out of the way, before finding out they were leaving the country, the teams first had to find their clue. They took a lift up and hiked up to Marial Glacier, a glacier that looked pretty haggard and all melty-like. I won't get into global warming though, as I'll soon be getting preachy over something else.
After getting off the lift and before they started their hike, the teams had to grab backpacks what had avalanche beacons that they would use to find other beacons in the snow, and it was there where they would find their next clue.
It went fairly smoothly for most of the teams. Some had an easier time than others. One team, however, didn't read their whole clue before hiking to the glacier and so had to go all the way back to the lift to get their backpacks. Why must you break my heart like this, Kandice and Dustin? The Beauty Queens are a kickass team, but they keep making careless mistakes, something I hope all this extra hiking helped cure them of.
Fortunately Oswald and Danny were having a very hard time working out the beacon, so they were the last team to leave. You know, I wouldn't worry about being the last team to leave this early in a leg, because there's bound to be a time equalizer somewhere. Still, you don't want to take that chance either.
Okay, now the teams left for Africa, we got that unpleasantness between Eric and The Guidos, and yes, that part happened at a time equalizer anyway as they had to wait for a park to open so they could do their next task.
The Roadblock was cool and scary this week. Scary because thanks to war, Mozambique is littered with landmines, a deadly threat to its citizens, and especially its children. It kinda makes the whole "making a game of this" thing seem a little heartless. But if it helps to educate, that's a good thing. The cool part of it was the giant rats that are trained to search for landmines. How giant were these rats? Think of a small dog. Yeah, that big. Phil Keoghan was even cradling one in his arms as he was describing the task. If you have to cradle it in your arms, that's one monster rodent.
One of the teammates had to choose a rat and use it to find a deactivated mine, and there they would also find a race marker, which would get them their clue. Not taking a chance that the mines weren't properly deactivated, the racers only had to find it, some poor local would have to dig. To make this task easier, the rats were attached to strings and could only go back and forth in a straight line. Once they found the mine, they'd start digging. The racer would then say they believe the mine is there, their local help would go over it with a metal detector, and if correct, would start digging, praying fervently that their last day on Earth wouldn't be spent helping some American game show contestant win a million dollars.
For the most part, the racers were able to get through this task without incident. Some took a little longer than others, but the only one who really had a problem was Charla. Whether it was impatience, or if she was too busy getting righteously outraged over all the other rats daring to do better than hers, she wasn't paying enough attention and as the rat would start digging, she got it to move on. Not that it mattered for long, because one commercial break later, she finally noticed the rat digging, and they got their clue. It was nice to see this task end without any Mozambicans being blown up.
Now with everyone on the road again, it was time to go back to the town they started from, Maputo, find their next clue, and on to the Detour.
"Pamper or Porter?" The choice, as always, was between two tasks. The teams would either have to travel to a market and paint fingernails to try and raise 30 metecais (about one U.S. dollar), or they'd have to travel to another market, use their hands to fill ten 45-pound (about 20.4 kg) bags with coal then carry one of those bags to a specific address where the owner would hand them their next clue. I always wonder how the producers get some of these tasks set up, especially when they have to go to regular homes. Do they go to random houses and ask if they'd like a free bag of coal? The people who answer the doors, while having the clues, always seem to be a little surprised that this really is happening.
Phil let's us know something the racers aren't aware of... In Maputo, it's usually men who paint fingernails for pay. This led to every man in the race choosing to do the coal task, incorrectly believing that it might be harder for them to get customers.
The two all-female teams, however, went with the nails. Sure, it's usually men who do this in Maputo, but how often does one get the chance in Mozambique to have her nails coloured by a blonde little person and her cousin both talking in insulting accents? Not very often, my friends! Not very often. Heck, how often does one get that chance in Canada or the United States? Not very often, my friends!
So while the majority of the teams were digging through coal all hot and sweaty, Charla and Mirna pulled off a feat most thought impossible. They came in first. First they knock out Rob and Amber then they come in first? Up is down, black is white, Horatio Sanz is funny!
There is a downside to this, of course. They are still Charla and Mirna, so they're going to see this as a vindication of their self-righteous, hypocritical ways. God or karma saw to it that they won this leg as a reward for being such fantastically good people who know that any language barrier can be overcome as long as you use a horrible, patronizing accent!
But damn, if they aren't entertaining. I don't want to see them win, but I would like to see them make it to fourth or fifth place just because they make for good television.
The team I do want to see win, despite the mistakes they've made, came in second. Well done, Beauty Queens! They finally kicked the fourth place or lower habit they've developed this season. Now if only they can get a few first place finishes in. Or even just one where it really, really counts.
Now I said earlier that all the men chose to do the coal task. That doesn't mean all of them actually did it. Despite Ian wanting to do the coal, he and Teri got lost and wound up at the wrong market. Rather than waste time trying to find the correct one, they decided to do the fingernail polish despite Ian's trepidations. They managed to get two young ladies to agree to have their nails done for, what was to them, an obscenely expensive price. With that done, Teri and Ian headed to the Pit Stop and, much to their surprise, a third place finish.
That left all the coal diggers. Oswald and Danny were the first to finish, and when they got to the mat all filthy and covered in coal dust, Oswald gave us one of the greatest Amazing Race moments ever when he chased Phil around, trying to get a hug.
Joe and Bill came in next, leaving it a last place fight between Eric and Danielle and Joyce and Uchenna.
Eric and Danielle convinced some local kids to lead them to their address, while Joyce and Uchenna relied instead on their own uncanny sense of direction which allowed Captain Nipple Rings and Boobin to beat them to the mat.
So this was it for Uchenna and Joyce. That's okay, they've won before. They're not the team I wanted to see leave this week, but at least... what? It's a non-elimination leg!
Carrying over the non-elimination rule that first came into play last season, they got to keep all their money and belongings, but they are now marked for elimination. That means that unless Joyce and Uchenna come in first next week, they will incur a half-hour penalty and will not be allowed to check in until that half-hour is up. It's certainly possible, and I will be keeping my fingers crossed that Eric and Danielle get so lost that they fall a good 31 minutes behind everyone else. Then Joyce and Uchenna can be eliminated the week after that.