Monday, January 29, 2007

The Apprentice L.A. - Aired Jan. 28 - Commentary

I'm thinking I should change the name of this blog to "Bravadovision." It's hip, it's happenin', and I should use two people in chicken costumes standing at the Information Superintersection to promote it!
We're back to being able to tell who loses by the editing, but that's okay, it's worth it to here someone keep pressing for chicken suits and Bravado. The Bravado Chicken Bowl, now at an El Pollo Loco near you! Not near me though. I live in stinky ol' Canada and we don't get fine dining like that here. What gastronomic delights are we missing out on without our very own El Pollo Loco franchises nearby? Poop. Oh well, at least we still have poutine.
The break Kinetic enjoyed last week was over, so we were back to both teams competing this week. Unfortunately for Arrow, they lost three people in a row so The Donald decided to even things up a smidge by asking someone in Kinetic to volunteer to switch sides.
Last week when only Aaron stepped forward to be a project manager, I was flabbergasted that nobody else was willing to take the opportunity. You can't win The Apprentice if you're not willing to be PM. This week was different though. This was asking someone to move to a losing team, away from the people they've been building a relationship. In the end, three people volunteered, and of those three Arrow picked Surya. This now leaves one man with Kinetic, and one woman with Arrow. Even when the producers aren't arbitrarily making it men vs. women, the candidates manage quite well to do it themselves.
I'm really liking the name "Bravadovision"! Don't shut me out! And chickens! We need two giant chickens!
Poor Marisa. It was so amazingly obvious she was going to be going to the boardroom. Was she going to be the one to cause Trump to have the meltdown we were promised in the promos? Well, not really. He got a little gruff, but damn, those promos were misleading. "And be there for the start of an Apprentice romance!" I was, and where were the two people snogging we were promised? Nobody kissed! All we learned is that Tim can play the piano and Nicole kind of likes him. This is a love story for the ages.
By the way, speaking of the piano, how amazingly awesome was that reward? A private show with Andrea Bocelli on the beach, and a sky full of fireworks over the water. That was a damned fine prize.
But I'm getting ahead of myself. Back to the tasks, where Marisa really felt "Bravado Chicken Bowl" was the way to go, and they really needed two people in chicken costumes at the intersections. I agree! I'm also sure Marisa agrees that we should rename this blog "Bravadovision" and have two chicken mascots!
At least chicken costumes are better than balloons and banners! Or not. Kinetic had next to no marketing, and as a result they lost their first task of the season.
One of the best moments of the episode was when Trump told Arrow that Surya must be a good luck charm for them. You could see faces drop right down to the ground, like Surya was going to get all the credit for the win. Ah, it was great.
Since the premiere, I've been singing the praises of Heidi in the boardroom when she was sitting beside Trump. She was confident, articulate, and spoke up appropriately without trying to interject too much. Now we finally got someone to compare her against, and Aaron was sitting back, quiet, and to me looked a little nervous. Even The Donald asked him if he was going to say anything. Ouch. Don't be surprised if these things play into the final decision.
And speaking of final decisions, what about those chicken suits? I think they're a great idea, as great as "Bravadovision"! I know the decision on the name has been made, but I just want you to think about it, okay?
Marisa never stood a chance. If she had just let the whole "Bravado" and chicken suit thing go, maybe the rest of the team wouldn't have pushed so hard to get rid of her. Marketing was lacking though, and that's really what killed the team in this task. Heidi brought Aimee back with them, but unless she said something really stupid, there was no way Aimee was going. She didn't lose this task for them. It was down to Heidi and Marisa, and Heidi has two wins under her belt as PM.
Not that I was 100% positive about the result. Every time Marisa interrupted or brought up the chicken suits, Heidi started to laugh a little, causing her to make amused little faces. Catch Trump in the wrong mood in the boardroom, and that alone could have got Heidi fired. You really want to be careful about that sort of thing. Marisa was also fighting quite spiritedly, and not quite as desperately as Frank was in the premiere. All it takes is that one little slip, and the person who was about to be fired is saved for yet another week. I like you, Heidi. Please be careful with that stuff.
In the car after she was fired, Marisa was still talking about chicken suits, but she mentioned that El Pollo Loco's mascot is a chicken. If that's true, and they have an official mascot chicken costume, she should have talked it out and made the point that was instead of keep bringing up wanting to do chicken costumes because, you know, they're selling chicken.
I still like "Bravadovision". Sleep on it, we can discuss it more in the morning.

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Saturday, January 27, 2007

Grease: You're The One That I Want - Aired Jan. 21 - Partial Recap

GREASE ACADEMY IS HERE!

I'm as giddy as a schoolgirl! Finally, after two long weeks and an unending lineup of auditions good and bad, the moment we've all been waiting for has arrived! Grease Academy!
Now, some of it was as good as I was hoping. It was in a real school and there were different classes, but just not as many as I would have liked. Maybe it's because there were only potential Dannys and Sandys there. Once this concept takes off and all the characters are represented, things will greatly improve. There will still be a "Sandy Dance Class", but there would also be "Sandy 101" where you go to learn of the subtleties of her character, and much of her back story. But for now all we have are dance, singing, and acting classes, so it's a mere shadow of what it could be. I guess because it's only for one episode, and an hour one at that, this is the best they could do.
I'm still somewhat disappointed.
What they did do very much right was finally give us little graphics with everyone's names, and we got to see a LOT of them. I have just over two pages of notes, and some of it is just names. I did learn many that I got wrong, even one I thought I had right (Max's last name is Crumm, not Crumb).
First up was the Dannys Dance Class, where we once more met fair-haired Austin Miller, a professional actor and at 30, one of the oldest. It appears he had once been on Days of Our Lives, so I did a little IMDb search to see who he played. You see, I watch Days and I didn't recognize him. It turns out he played a character named "Hawk" back in 2001-2002, but sorry to say that still doesn't ring a bell. I guess that's why he's not on the show anymore. That's okay, he's still my early favourite to play Danny.
We then met Vince Ortiz who is an ice cream store manager with no experience on stage. That's all my notes say. Hey, it does say "Partial Recap" in the title of this thing, so just lay off. There's going to be a lot more of this before we reach the end.
Cut to the Sandys Singing Class, and we got to see some familiar faces and some new ones.
First the two Ashleys, Anderson and Spencer. Ashley A. was good, Ashley S. (the Meg Ryan look-alike, for those of you keeping score) was very good.
Juliana Hansen said she was nervous about all the competition, but she was still pretty good.
Not as good as Kate Rockwell though, who I thought was great.
Then there is Kelly La Velle. At 17, she is the youngest contestant there. She's also the only one who is a minor, so by law she has to be tutored for three hours a day. Put that on top of everything else, and she has so much more work that everyone else. Or that much less time to rehearse, if you look at it that way.
We then got to see some couples paired up and acting out the scene at the drive-in where Danny makes a move on Sandy and she storms out, slamming the door on him. Now I always thought she hit him in the tallywacker, and some of the Dannys went that route, but others showed him getting his hand caught in the slamming door. Boys, it's not as not funny when his hand is hurt, I'm sorry to say. Take two for the team, for crying out loud.
At Sandys Dance Class, Ashley Spencer was doing so well that she was used to demonstrate the moves for Jacqueline Petzel who was struggling just a wee bit.
In Dannys Singing Class, Derek Keeling was doing okay, but OUCH when he tried to hit certain notes.
The judges were getting worried. Out of the 50 people who made it to this august institute of learning, would they be able to find the 12 they need for the live show so that they could live with whoever the public votes on? To add to the pressure, resident Brit David Ian, who had been doing something elsewhere (and something shady, I'm willing to bet, like having afternoon tea at his club for however long he's been absent) was just arriving. I haven't mentioned this before, but David Ian has put $10 million of his own money toward this Broadway revival. That kinda puts the pressure on for this to be a hit.
The performers then went one-on-one with David Ian (I keep feeling there needs to be a third name there, as he has two first names - how does "David Ian Brit-Tumblebottom sound?) so he can have a chance to gauge where they are.
We then learned that Ashley Anderson was struggling and her inexperience was showing through. Is this true? Could we only have one Ashley for the live shows? Maybe. I'm going to try to think positively though.
We then found out that a trio of potential Dannys - Chad, George, and Jason - became friends through this process. A real Three Dannsketeers, if you will, who will support each other, but still compete. I haven't decided that we're privy to this information because it's a heartwarming story, or if the producers just want to add some suspense for later when the cuts are made.
There was a scene from a co-ed dance class, then we got to see athlete Matt Nolan singing for David Ian Brit-Tumblebottom. Oh, he was awful. Mr. Brit-Tumblebottom gave him some advice on how to punch it up, make it more rock'n'roll. Matt took that advise and gave it a much better showing, but still, I don't see him graduating Grease Academy.
Then the kicker - everyone has two hours to learn a new song, and then there will be a mass expulsion as only 24 contestants will move on to the next stage, and the rest will be told to hit the bricks and never darken the doors of Grease Academy again.
The way it worked was that everyone was standing and singing in the same room, and David Ian B-T would go around and tap people on the shoulder. If they got the tap, they were gone. It was quite horrifying to watch, actually.
The first to go was 42-year-old Dominic Fortuna. Gramps was quite surprised at this and said that there are many people who will be shocked to find out that Dominic Fortuna was cut. Maybe at the Shady Rest Retirement Home, but I doubt your average citizen on the street is going to give it a second thought.
We saw Jacqueline Petzel leave, and then Matthew Carpenter. If you remember last week, Matthew was one of the major stories. He and his girlfriend Sarah were both auditioning, their relationship was rocky, and she threw a huge fit when he made it to Grease Academy and she didn't. So after losing that precious jewel, the least that could happen is he could make the live show, but no. He doesn't even make the final 24. Ow.
The Three Dannsketeers made it though, so their relationship is still going strong, at least for now.
After the carnage, the survivors then had two days to prepare for a performance on state in front of an audience of theatre critics and D-list celebrities. As they prepare, the judges still express concern over Max Crumm's looks, even though they think he has possibly the best voice there. This concern over his looks leads to David Ian uttering the best line of the season, "You look like an apology for yourself."
There was something with two women singing, how they've become friends, but I'm not caring at my mind was wandering anyway. We've already got this story with the three guys, so make two more friends and make it the Four Sandketeers and maybe we can talk.
Of the dazzling stars who came to see the performance we got to see... Marilu Henner! Whoo hoo! JEFF CONAWAY! He was Kenickie in the Grease movie! Okay, that was actually kinda cool, even with his alleged problems. I'm not going to say anything here, so go Google his name or something if you want to find out. There is no tabloid babbling here!
So the final 24 performed as one and in groups of four, with everyone getting a chance to solo.
Ashley Anderson did well.
Max Crumm not only did great, but the judges were impressed by how far he was able to get into character.
They thought Kelli La Velle, someone else they were concerned about, was doing well too.
Matt Nolan was doing iffy.
This is where we found out Austin Miller used to be on Days.
Cara Hille (whose name I spelled Kara Hilly previously) was in the last group, and with that note was the question, how did I spell it before? I really need to lay off the cold medicine when I'm watching this.
I thought last week was the last time we'd ever have to hear, "You're the one that we want" or "You're not Sandy/Danny". I was wrong. So terribly, terribly wrong. It isn't cute, producers! It's just annoying as hell, and I'm begging you to just cut people from the competition with dignity!
Now I didn't write down the names of everyone who made it or was cut, so I'll sneak the full names of the winners off the NBC website when we're finished the following list...
Kelli - didn't make it (like NBC can afford to pick up the cost of a tutor for this long).
Allie - made it.
George - didn't make it, thus the end of the Three Dannsketeers.
Jason - made it.
Lexie, the only woman of colour left, didn't make it. This means that Grease: You're The One That I Want, is now officially the whitest show on television after According to Jim.
Sara - didn't make it.
Nick - didn't make it.
Reed - didn't make it.
Who are some of these people? Why am I listing them if we never met them? I was wondering this as I was writing, so I stopped for a few names.
Juliana - made it.
Ashley A. - didn't make it. Bummer.
Then at the end was the showdown. Matthew Nolan vs. Max Crumm. Looks vs. Talent. While the producers would rather have both, in the end the show still has to entertain, and so Talent won out and Max Crumm moves on.
Thanks to NBC.com, here are our final twelve...

Potential Sandys
Allie Schultz
Ashley Spencer
Juliana Hansen
Kate Rockwell
Kathleen Monteleone
Laura Osnes

Potential Dannys
Austin Miller
Chad Doreck
Derek Keeling
Jason Celaya
Kevin Greene
Max Crumb

Yeah, I have no idea who some of them are either. You'd think not having been introduced to the audience yet may give some of these contestants a disadvantage. I know, in the end all that should matter is talent, but we all know by now that these shows often reward popularity over talent. They do that woefully often, in fact.
I've been saying through the auditions that the look does matter too, and if you look at the pictures on the website, you'll see that. Three of the Sandys are blonde, three are brunette, but they all look like what we've come to expect Sandy to look like.
The same goes for the Dannys, where one is blonde and the rest are brunette. The only one who doesn't quite have the look is Max, and he made it through on sheer force of talent alone. However, if there was a stronger field of Dannys, I strongly suspect he'd have been a casualty of the cuts.
But now it's up to us to decide who goes on from here. The live shows are next, with the first one being a two hour extravaganza of singing, dancing, and filler. Oh, you just wait and see. There will be filler!

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Monday, January 22, 2007

The Apprentice L.A. - Aired Jan. 21 - Commentary

Don't worry. We will talk about that ending. For my money, it was one of the best endings of any Apprentice ever. It didn't come close to the greatest of all where four people were fired, but it certain outshines the majority.
As a result of winning last week's challenge, Heidi and the rest of Kinetic Corporation got to rest and relax at a luxury hotel, the name of which I'm not going to give because I've been burned before. Free product placements galore in my lengthy Treasure Hunters recaps, but did I get any swag? No! That, and I can't remember the name of it. It certainly did look luxurious though. Throughout the episode they kept cutting to the team relaxing with refreshing drinks, getting massages, and lounging by the pool.
Bastards. Rubbing it in my poverty-stricken face. Just for that, I'm not going to talk about the luxury day for the rest of this commentary.
Instead, let's get right to those daring go-getters at Arrow Corp! Because they were the only team competing, they had to split into two sub-teams. Trump asked who would like to be the captains, and Aaron jumped in without giving a second thought! And the other captain?
Being project manager can be a scary thing. A losing PM is the most likely to be fired unless an underling screws up significantly, and nobody wants to be fired. However, you can't win at the end unless you've actually stepped up to be PM a few times. That's why I was shocked that, after Aaron, nobody wanted to volunteer. So the Donald had to offer it to someone, and he asked Michelle. In the hot seat, she had no choice but to say yes, not that she had any choice anyway! After last week, she should have been looking to prove herself, so she should have been itching to be PM this week.
Unfortunately for her, it looked like the last boardroom really shook her. Most people don't want to hear that others don't like them, and think they're a drain on the team. But instead of using this to give herself strength, I don't think I've seen a PM this wishy washy in a long time. "So what do you think of this idea? I won't go ahead with this unless everyones behind it one hundred percent! I feel I need to go to the bathroom, but I want your input on that." It was horrifying cross between wanting to have her teammates like her and wanting to cover her ass in case they lost. Sad, so very sad. Michelle, you looked just like My Name is Earl's Jaime Pressly, but now you look like her empty, lifeless doppelganger. If only there was a way you could get our respect back, even just a little.
One of the things you can count on with The Apprentice is that the team that gets the most airtime is inevitably the one that loses. So trust those scamps to throw us for a loop by giving both teams pretty much equal time! Both had their bumps, and even though it looked like Michelle's team was doing worse, you never can tell when it's all based on customer satisfaction. Maybe they lucked into a tour group who was enjoying the experience and gave them high points!
An argument I often make on The Apprentice, Survivor, and Big Brother (it's not as important on The Amazing Race, but it still helps) is WATCH THE DAMNED SHOW! When several seasons have come and gone, there is no excuse for not having done some homework and seeing what has worked in the past and what has failed miserably. What's worked before? Getting out there and asking the customers themselves what they want (point in favour: Aaron's team). What has failed miserably? Wandering aimlessly with no plan at all (point against: Michelle's team). You can't fault Michelle for a malfunctioning microphone, but you can SQUEEEEEEE blame her for SQUEEEEEE having no SQUEEEEE plan and having the whole SQUEEEEE tour look like she was SQUEEEEEE winging it.
Aaron's team definitely earned their win this week. Michelle earned a lot of my respect back in the boardroom.
In the history of The Apprentice, only one other person has ever quit. But Michelle was the first who was a project manager and the first to do it in the boardroom.
Trump did not like this one bit, and he let her know it again and again. He did his best to belittle her choice and call her a quitter, but I thought she made a great choice.
Does Donald Trump have more money under the cushions in his sofa than I will ever have my whole life? Yes. But that doesn't mean he can't be full of crap. Very often in life, resigning is the best option, and more often than not it's a better option than being fired. Seriously, who are you going to hire, someone who resigned from their last job or someone who was given the sack?
If Michelle went back into the boardroom with the rest of her team, they were going to spend the whole time tearing her apart. There was also no chance that she wasn't going to be the one fired. Why spend needless time being attacked by people who already didn't like you anyway? And even if she pulled out a miracle and made it through, they were going to keep bringing her back again and again until the axe is finally lowered.
I don't know how much was editing, but she also looked like she was pretty much ostracized in camp. In cold, wet, miserable camp. Even if she wasn't ostracized completely, it was very clear that the others didn't like her. So why put herself through that?
She made the right choice, and I applaud her for it. And if it meant another teammate would be fired, all the more power to her! Watching their reactions to this possibility was priceless. The fear and hypocrisy made for a frothy brew indeed. How dare she don't allow them to attack her and ensure her ouster, and now in her place one of them might go instead? The injustice! Can't she think of them instead of doing what's best for her?
Hee hee! But sadly it wasn't to be. Trump decided that nobody was going to be fired that night.
Whatever else happens in your life, Michelle, despite going out early, you went out memorably and with your head held high.
Good for you. Seriously.

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Saturday, January 20, 2007

Grease: You're The One That I Want - Aired Jan. 14 - Partial Recap

New York. The Big Apple. The City That Never Sleeps. So nice, they named it twice. A bustling metropolis that was home to the final auditions. After this, it's on to Grease Academy. I mentioned last week that I'd love to get a Bachelor of Rizzo degree from this august institution. After some careful consideration on my academic future, it occurred to me that I'd then like to go back after that and get my MR (Master of Rizzo) or even branch out and get an MF (Master of Frenchie). If I do the former, I could just stay focused and get a PhR (Rizzo of Philosophy), but if I do the latter I could then work towards a thesis on the whole gang and get a PhPL (Pink Ladies of Philosophy).
All I know is that if you are one of the lucky few to get into Grease Academy, your future is wide open to all sorts of possibilities.
The first people we meet are Matthew Carpenter and Sarah Salvatore (as with last week, we didn't get to see any names so all spelling is my best guess). They are dating, but things are pretty rocky right now and oh boy, the show won't let us forget this. Sarah came to New York first, so they spent some time apart and they're hoping this experience will help bring them closer together. It'll be a while before we find out though, as their auditions are not up first.
Who is up first is a pretty, perky Hungarian named Tunda Something. My attempts at spelling surnames don't go as far as Eastern Europe. I'm sure I'd be tempted to throw in vowels where there aren't any, so I won't even try.
Now nothing says Sandy has to be played by an American. Olivia Newton John brought her Down Under charm to the role in the movie and people accepted the character as Australian. The problem with Tundra was that we couldn't tell if she had talent or not as she kept messing up the words. Lots of people learn to sing in other languages phonetically, but Tundra would have had to sing and talk in English, and to show she could have done that, she should have learned the song by heart before auditioning. Needless to say, she didn't make it.
Next up was Ashley Anderson. She had a good look, but many of the potential Sandys do, so can she bring the goods? She tried, but when she tried for too high a note, she lost it. Okay, try it a second time. Same thing. I don't know how much of range she's got, but it doesn't extend into soprano. Luckily for her, she talked them into giving her one more shot. She started lower this time, so when it came around to the note that was giving her trouble earlier, she hit it. Good for her, she moved on.
We then got a montage of a bunch of different Sandys that were all good. That's one of the flaws of this format. If any one of them make it past Grease Academy and end up going against someone who we've already met, they'll have a tougher time connecting with the audience.
We then met Robert Minatolli who had what so many of the men we've seen lacked, the right look. We'll forget his horrendous voice and the montage of bad Dannys and move on to more of Matthew and Sarah.
We're reminded of how rocky their relationship is, but they tell us if one of them doesn't make it, that one will support the other. They've both got the right look for the parts, so if they do get all the way through and end up winning the show together, what a story that will be!
Matthew is up first, and while his voice isn't the best, it's still good enough in a pool of horrible Danny wannabes that he gets to go to the dance round.
Sarah is next, and she has a better voice so she easily makes it to the dance round.
Yay, young love! This is going to be a romantic story for the ages that people will sing of for centuries to come! I can't wait for them to nail the dance audition and come closer together at Grease Academy!
Before that though, there are more people to meet, like Joanne Rizzo (awesome last name!), 42. Yes, 42, the exact same age as Dominic Fortuna who got through last week in Chicago. Her look and voice may not be classic Sandy, but they're good enough that if Gramps Fortuna makes it past Grease Academy and ends up winning the role at the end, they'll potentially have a Sandy that won't make people wince when they see them together! But instead of turning her down nicely, the judges had to be complete asses and insult her while rejecting her. No wonder so many women in show business have plastic surgery. The middle-aged man got approved, but all the middle-aged women got kicked around. I strongly suspect Dominic wouldn't have made it through at all if there were more Dannys to choose from, especially in Chicago where only seven people total made it to Grease Academy, but a little tact wouldn't have hurt. We don't need a Simon Cowell on every reality talent show.
Next was Anne Marie Somethingoranother who had quite a strong voice, but the judges were iffy on her look. She was blonde and pretty, but didn't quite look sweet enough for Sandy. However, she was going to get a chance in the dance round to show them something different.
Matt Nolan, an athlete in school and a secret fan of Broadway. He had a decent look and an okay voice, but he was having trouble hitting some of the higher notes. If he was a woman auditioning for Sandy, he wouldn't have made it to the dancing, but more leeway is given to the men because the judges have so few choices. But can he dance? We'll find out.
Then finally we meet the man who just might end up being Danny, Austin Miller. He's a stage professional, and this is an open audition. I can see people arguing against him online after he gets past Grease Academy (and he was so good with the singing I've no doubt he will), crying that Austin has been on stage and we should make an amateur's dream come true! No. We should vote for whoever is best for the role. Austin also has a great look, but the one change he should make is to his hair. He's blonde. I have no problem with a blonde Danny, but as I've argued with Sandy, the audience has a set perception of what he should look like. Dye your hair black, Austin. It will increase your chances.
The last person we meet is a 16-year-old girl who I won't name because she's been crushed enough by some of the reactions she's received. She did have the wrong look, was too young, and was a little overweight, so she didn't make it anyway. I'll leave it at that.
It seemed like more time was spent showing us the dancing this week, and I appreciated that. We still didn't get to see an awful lot though, and the camera cut around quite a lot. Because of this, I don't feel comfortable judging based on what I saw, so I'll leave that to the judges.
Ashley... was the one they wanted to go to Grease Academy. If there is any reason to be extremely thankful that the auditions only lasted two weeks, it's that we'll never have to hear that ridiculously awkward phrase again.
Anne Marie didn't make it through, but Matt Nolan and Austin both did.
And our love story that's so touching it makes grown men weep? Sarah didn't make it through. She was crushed, but at least she'll have Matthew to commiserate with. He's not as good as her, so he'll easily be rejected. Except, as I've mentioned ad nauseum, there aren't a lot of potential Dannys, so Matthew passes through to Grease Academy. Oh no! Our love story hit an unexpected bump! Luckily she's going to support him through all this and they will live happily ever after. Right?
Wrong. She couldn't even bring herself to look at or talk to him. She grabbed her stuff and stormed right out of there. Wow. I don't watch American Idol, so the only auditions I ever see are on So You Think You Can Dance, and I've never seen anything as pathetic as this. I've crazy people get even crazier, but not on somebody they supposedly love. Sure enough, we're informed, that was the end of the relationship.
The good news for Sarah is that the ratings for this show aren't that hot, so there are still lots of men out there who don't know how selfish, bitter and self-centered she can be.
The good news for us is that this was a twist we didn't see coming! Okay, maybe we suspected that one or both of them weren't going to make it through, but this? Wow. You got us good, producers!

Next week: GREASE ACADEMY!

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Tuesday, January 16, 2007

The Apprentice L.A. - Aired Jan. 14 - Commentary

So I'm thinking these dainty little flowers should get over being forced to live in tents and be grateful for the fact that they're in Los Angeles. If there's an earthquake, having collapse on you won't be nearly as painful as having an entire mansion fall down on your head.
But before I go on any further, there is a question that's nagging me. If I were to base everything I know on reality television, I would be under the impression that all gay African-American men shave their heads. First there was the original, the most memorable, and friend to Realivision - Marcellas Reynolds from Big Brother 3. Following him on Big Brother 6 was Marcellas wannabe, Beau Beasley. Now we have Carey on The Apprentice. All I'm asking for is a little hair.
Okay, is that everything off my chest? Good.
This was a fine episode. It certainly gave us some fine lines and some very memorable images. Like Carey squeezing into swimwear he obviously sized for a child. Damn, that suite was small and tight! What was even better about it is that it gave Trump a chance to brag about his own body (I swoon just thinking about it, including the potential for combed-over back hair).
The thing is, if Carey's team reigned him in and they designed better suits for men, they would have won that challenge. Arrow Corporation certain had the better women's line, and they had a lot more in the way of patterned material and colour. If you look at the amount Kinetic won by (I believe it was only by about $1000, give or take), a better mens line would have had Arrow winning handily. Considering that their mens line only got just over $300 in orders, their women's suits must have slaughtered Kinetic's by a landslide.
Now note that I'm using the names "Arrow" and "Kinetic". We've been denied the classic "name your corporation" scenes and seeing them explain the names to The Donald! I know they're trying to shake things up a little this season, but some things need to stay the same.
Even worse than this, not only are they shaking things up from previous seasons, they're doing it from previous episodes this season! The snooty European butler from the premiere is gone, only to be replaced by some blonde executive assistant and possible Trump's fourth wife once Melania starts showing a line or two in her face.
To help you out with the corporations, Arrow is the team that keeps losing, Kinetic keeps winning. Thanks to this latest win, Kinetic doesn't have to compete in the next challenge. That means we won't see them possibly lose until the week after next. That's actually a bit of a shame, because the losing team always gets the most screen time in an episode, and that gives you more of a look into how the team works and who is really deserving to stay or go. I'm liking Heidi so far, but we really haven't seen much of her and her team so that like could well go away by the next episode. At least she's still doing well in the boardroom. Some people don't like the way she's handling herself there, but oh well. She's asking the right questions, making the right statements, not overplaying or underplaying her role, and sucking up just enough to the boss that it makes him happy without making her look like a toady in his eyes.
It looks like there is some discontent stirring in Kinetic Corporation though. We've already heard from one member who isn't happy that Heidi's been project manager two tasks in a row. Aaaaah, this is what I've been waiting for with this particular twist! What do you do? If you keep winning, she stays as project manager and the further that goes on, the harder she will be to beat at the end. But if you deliberately lose, that means you have to throw a task, and if you do that, fingers will be pointing at you in the boardroom and your butt may just be on its way out the door. What do you do? I really hope someone is stupid enough to try and throw the task, or is smart enough to throw it without looking like they did. Either way would be fun to watch.
Finally, should Carey have been fired? No. Nicole should be gone. She was the project manager, and even if Carey was forcing his ideas on everyone, as the leader she should have been able to say no to the itsy bitsy teeny weeny pink paisley banana hammock. This wasn't one of those tasks that required different team members to be doing different things. All they had to do was design swimwear, so she can't reasonably make the argument that this function was assigned to Carey and he screwed it up. She let him take over the design and she should have signed off on the final product. Michelle (you know, the one who looks like My Name Is Earl's Jaime Pressly) shouldn't have really been there either, but what are you going to do? The PM is allowed to take two people in with them, and Michelle rubbed enough people the wrong way that she was the best chance for Carey and Nicole to make it safely through the boardroom.
I don't know if Heidi honestly thought that Michelle shouldn't have been there, or if she saw that the argument to fire her was just weak enough to give her room to talk Trump into keeping Michelle around and did so in hopes that Michelle returning will keep Arrow's morale down and losing streak continuing. Either way, good job keeping the focus on Nicole and Carey, Heidi.
After the losers were sent back to their tents, I got to see my favourite visual so far, and if you weren't looking, it was brief enough that it would have been very easy to miss. Nicole and Michelle were wheeling their luggage back to the tents when we saw Nicole just running with hers. I hope we see more of that next week, and I'd love to see the reason why, even if it's just something so boring as "I was cold."


A note concerning something new to Realivision: This is my first post using the new version of Blogger, and as you can see below this there are labels. It's pointless clicking on them now because this is the first post that has labels. I've no idea how I'm going to incorporate them yet, so for now I'm going to keep them pretty simple. As the number of posts that have them grows, I may expand the labels used, and if I find the time, I may even go back and edit older posts so they'll have labels too.

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Friday, January 12, 2007

Grease: You're The One That I Want - Aired Jan. 7 - Partial Recap

Yeesh, and I thought "So You Think You Can Dance" was a pain in the ass title to keep typing out. But that's okay, because we've got ourselves a lovely new cheese fest! In case you haven't heard about it or watched the premiere, "Grease: You're The One That I Want" is yet another reality talent show, and the goal of this little gem is to cast Danny and Sandy in a new Broadway version of Grease.
The concept isn't nothing we haven't seen before, except for one truly awesome exception. Auditions were held at different cities in the United States, two of which we got to see in this episode. Out of all the hundreds or thousands who auditions, fifty got chosen to go to, and this is the awesome part, Grease Academy! Damn, I want to go there! Could you imagine having that diploma on your wall? We even got shots of the school with the words "Grease Academy" right there on the building! This is the only thing that could possibly have topped sending them to Rydell High. Anyway, of those lucky bastards who get to go to Grease Academy, only twelve will graduate and get to perform for us, the viewing audience, who will get to vote until we finally have our new Danny and Sandy. I've got chills, and they are definitely multiplying!
Say what you want about how this show somewhat resembles one or two other reality talent shows, but they don't have Grease Academy now, do they? I didn't think so, smart guy.
Grease: YTOTIW has one and a half hosts. The one being Billy Bush, a relative of some other guy named Bush, and the half being Denise Van Outen (no relation to Milhouse Van Houten), a bubbly blonde Brit who barely showed up on our screens. It also has the industry standard three hosts - Kathleen Marshall, who will be the director and choreographer for the Broadway show, Jim Jacobs, who co-wrote the original Grease, and David Ian, the prerequisite British guy. I don't think the FCC allows these show to air anymore if one of the judges isn't from Blighty.
As usual, the series is starting out with just the auditions. Also as usual, the people auditioning range from great to truly awful. I know that some of the truly awful performers are doing it just to be on television, but some of them are seriously deluded and audition with complete sincerity. Either way, for those that were that bad, I didn't bother writing down their names. I don't want to contribute to their crazed grasp for temporary fame, or I don't want to add to the misery of reality crashing completely around them. And yes, as I write all of this, I'm thinking of the second woman we saw on the episode who sings worse than I do, and my voice drives babies to commit murder.
Of those whose names I did take note of, I apologize in advance if I completely butchered the spelling of your name, as the producers didn't get around to providing us the much appreciated nice little graphics. This apology, of course, only goes to those of you who actually spell your names normally. If anyone on this show is named James and spells it any way other than J-A-M-E-S, then not only are you out of luck, I may have to come over there and slap some sense into you. I'm not going through another season on another show dealing with that crap. That said, let's head to Los Angeles.
The auditions do start in the City of Angels, but how good will the talent pool be? This is a town famous for its movies, both silver screen and porn, not its flourishing live theatre. Are there enough singer/dancer combinations to make this trip worth while? We'll find out first who is a good enough singer, and then those who pass that are invited back to dance later on in the day.
First up is Meg Ryan. No, sorry, Ashley Spencer. She only looks like Meg Ryan, and young Meg Ryan at that, not the current Meg Ryan who looks like her face suffered through a tragic loom accident. Why, Meg? I know there is a hell of a lot of pressure on actresses in Hollywood to keep looking young, but now... Oh, but now. Between you and Mary Tyler Moore (two women I used to idolize), I don't know who is the greater public service announcement against face lifts.
I digress though. Meg, I mean Ashley was pretty good.
She was followed by the worst audition we got to see, so let's skip on to the next name I jotted down.
Kaitlyn Doubleday. Hmmm. Of the Doubleday Book Club family, by any chance? Could we get five Sandys for 99 cents if we buy four more at regular Book Club prices within the next two years? Now, I'm writing this several days after I watched the show, but I planned on writing earlier so I didn't write down too much in the way of notes. That means I don't remember too much about Kaitlyn except she had a decent voice and looked like she could be Sandy.
Next up was Fawn something or another (please show us names, NBC). An attractive woman with an okay voice for karaoke. She didn't make it after attempting two songs, and gave us our first tears of the night. Billy Bush was appalled that the judges didn't recognize this woman's obvious talent! I found it impossible to believe that someone with the last name Bush wouldn't listen to the experts. That's unheard of!
After Bambi was my favouritestly named performer of the night, Max Crumb. He had a great voice, and he had the perfect look for the role of... Eugene. Normally I care more about the talent than the looks, but this time around people are auditioning for very specific roles and the look helps sell the believability of the character. If I'm going to stage The Beverly Hillbillies Musical, I'm not going to cast Dakota Fanning as Granny, no matter how good she is. This was the first Danny hopeful we really had though, so he moved on.
Billy Bush then took the stage to beg for another chance for Fawn. Whether he truly believed in her talent or was just smitten with her beauty, I don't know. All I do know is that the judges...
Cut to commercial. Bah.
Like Fawn wasn't going to get the second chance. She took the stage, thanked everyone, then started singing. She was doing pretty darned well, then came a high note and she blew it bad. Oh, it was awful. Judging from the look on Billy Bush's face backstage, I started to wonder if there was a third reason he wanted her to get another chance. Sheer evil malice. No. It's not like his name is Billy Cheney.
Fawn thanked him for getting her a second chance to make a fool of herself (ouch!) and that was the last we saw of her. Until the end of the season when they decide to show highlights and lowlights.
After this debacle, we got to meet Patricia Canelli, the first talented hefty woman of the evening (don't judge my use of the word "hefty", as I'm writing this while lying in bed with a bucket of chicken). She certainly had a good voice, and it would be nice to see a larger woman get the role, but it's not going to happen. America isn't ready for Sandy XL, and shame on you for that. I thought she would make a fantastic Frenchy, but this show isn't casting for other roles. Based on the sheer force of her personality and voice however, she made it through to the dancing.
Vincent Demosky was next, and though he was around the right age for Danny, he looked way too young. As with Patricia, I thought he would have been a good choice for another role, in this case Doody, but I doubt he'd have settled for anything other than Danny. Keep pluggin' at it kid, and we'll see you in a few years.
During the commercials, I saw a commercial for a movie called Stomp The Yard. If you saw it, you probably had the same question that came to me. Will it be as good as Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo?
Alright, now we have Kara Hilly. Good voice, good look, nothing to snark on. Let's keep moving.
Ah, Sunshine Smith. We already have one pudgy hopeful making it on to the dance part of the audition, will we have two? Unlike Patricia, I see Sunshine more in the part of Jan. She has a very nice voice, so that's helpful and it does get her a pass into the dance.
Before we go any further, let me say this about the role of Sandy. If you're a brunette, dye your hair blonde if you want any chance of winning this competition. If you're overweight, don't even try. The audience has one vision of Sandy in their minds, and that's Olivia Newton John. I'm telling you right now that the winner of that role will be a skinny blonde, no matter how much more talented another contender may be. It's not right, and it would be great to see someone unexpected get the part, but that's what happens when the audience gets to decide, you just wait and see. Bookmark this recap and if at the end of the season I'm wrong, I will be more than happy to hear about it. The same thing applies to Danny. Let's just see how much the winner of that role looks like John Travolta.
Like Phil Lander. Wow, this guy has the perfect look for Danny! Stop the auditions now, we've found our... our... what the hell is that? Does he think that's singing? Damn. Never mind.
Deja Jones. An African-American Sandy would be incredible, but for reasons I've detailed above it's not going to happen from this show, though I'd love to be proven wrong. In American Idol and So You Think You Can Dance, there are no preconceived notions of what the winner will look like. But luckily the judges don't have a set vision in their heads (we think), so she makes it through.
Rebecca Cutts showed up right from a pharmaceutical convention, and the way she was dressed was proof of that. Despite being perfectly dressed for the office, she sang with a lot of emotion and moved on to the dance part.
The last contestant we met from L.A. was Chad Doric, who was the best of the Danny hopefuls so far. He not only had a good look for the role, he could sing. Bonus! We have seen a lot of good Sandys, but the show hasn't exactly been swimming in Danny material yet.
I'm not sure if I phrased that correctly.
Anyhoo, we came to the dancing part of the audition, and I wasn't too pleased with the way this was executed. Everyone had an hour to learn a routine, then they danced in groups, and there wasn't enough focus on anyone to really get a feel for their dancing. Maybe I'm spoiled by So You Think You Can Dance, but I would have liked to have seen more of the individuals we just spent the last however long meeting.
After the dances, it was time for the judges to decide who will be cut and who will go on to Grease Academy. Ha! I still love that!
"Ah, Ms. Lavalamp. I see here that you have a BR from Grease Academy."
"Yes, a Bachelor of Rizzo. Do I get the job?"
It turns out that one of the most annoying aspects of the show so far are the phrases used for cutting someone or letting them know they've made it through.
"You are... not Sandy."
"You are... not Danny."
Even that I could live with if it weren't for the following abomination.
"You are... the one that we want to go to Grease Academy."
Picture my eyes rolling (and not so glassy).
Who made it from those we've met? Ashley "Meg Ryan" Spencer, Kaitlyn Doubleday, Max Crumb (who slicked his hair back and dressed more the part, but still isn't quite right for Danny), Kara Hilly, Deja Jones, and Chad Doric. There were others, but we have no idea who they are. The two heavier women didn't make it, and it was probably a kindness letting them go now rather than have to hear the insults that would inevitably fly if they made it further into the process.
The series premiere was scheduled for one and a half hours. By the time we got to Chicago there were only twenty minutes left in the show. That means one of two things. Either the Chicago auditions will continue next week, or there was a severe lack of talent showing up in the Windy City.
Yeah, it was the latter.
It was so bad, there was even time for a tour of Chicago where we got to see the site of the original theatre. We were informed that "unfortunately it's gone now", and normally I would agree with the "unfortunately" part, but there's now a children's hospital there. How unfortunate.
We met so few people in this short time that I'm just going to tell you if they made it to Grease Academy as I name them. There were some interesting bad auditions, but nothing really worth dwelling on.
Jacqueline Petzel. She was good, and she's on her way to Grease Academy.
Dominic Fortuna. Perhaps one of the more interesting finds in Chicago. He has the look for Danny if they plan on making Grease 3: The Middle-Aged Years. At 42, Grandpa Fortuna was the oldest contestant to make it through to Grease Academy with all the young whippersnappers. What bothered me most about this was how insulting the judges were towards older women who auditioned. The only possible way to excuse this double standard was the dearth of potential Dannys.
Kelly Lavelle. Very young, but a passable Sandy. Luckily Sandy can get away with looking like an actual high schooler than Danny can. At 17, if both she and Grandpa Fortuna make it through Grease Academy then are voted through to end by the viewers, we could well be on our way to the most disturbing Broadway show since Ernest Borgnine: Naked and Dancing.
Alex MacIntyre. He had the pipes, but not the look (though at this point that pretty much comes with the territory). He also didn't have the moves, as he didn't make it to Grease Academy.
Of all the people who auditioned in Chicago, only seven made it through to the hallowed halls of Grease Academy (honest, I just don't get tired of writing that). If we saw all of them, that would have doubled the people we met in Chicago. That they didn't warrant some face time on the show doesn't give me much hope that the Faceless Four will make it far in this competition.
So that was that. It was okay, but I've seen better. I don't watch American Idol, but the So You Think You Can Dance auditions are much more exciting to watch. If you didn't watch the premiere, I can still recommend the show. The auditions are in New York next, so there should be much more to see, and if you want to skip that, at least tune in to see Grease Academy the following week!

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Monday, January 08, 2007

The Apprentice L.A. - Aired Jan. 7 - Commentary

We're back, baby! I hope you all had a great holiday season, spending quality time with friends and family... Oh, screw it. Competitive reality shows with The Apprentice and Grease: You're The One That I Want have returned! We'll get to Grease in a post later today or tomorrow, even though it aired first. I want to start the New Year off with the bigger show. The 'UGE show! The 30 billion dollar industry!
Now there's no question about it, Donald Trump is an asshole. He's demonstrated this in the past, and the whole feud with Rosie O'Donnell is beyond ridiculous, though there's no doubt he's milking the whole thing for publicity. Despite all of this though, he's a highly entertaining host for a show such as The Apprentice. His bombastic, over-the-top style is exactly what this ode to greed requires. And then there is the gorgeous, gorgeous hair... It's 'UGE!
This season finds us in beautiful Los Angeles, California. It's not quite as beautiful as New York, nor as full of life and character (as a city, as they both certainly have their fair share of characters). And it's too damned sunny. Seriously, I heart NY as a location much more than LA. Besides, both the Crips and the Bloods are out to get me.
That said, it certainly doesn't hurt to mix things up and have a change of location, as long as your not Laverne and Shirley. The candidates got to work a car wash last night, so already the show is making use of it's new backdrop. The living and work arrangements are interesting too, with Trump and the boardroom being right next to the mansion and campground. Oh, the campground. I'm loving that! These contestants may be successful in business, but judging from life around tents, they'd probably die if they ever had to do Survivor. They got tents, latrines, showers, a barbeque... Everything they could possibly need! Look at it as an adventure, oh frail little city folk.
The only real problem with the new setup is the loss of one of the classic Apprentice scenes. There's no hallway for the surviving losers to walk down, no door into the suite opening onto looks of shock or cries of happiness. On the other hand, instead of a receptionist letting the candidates into the boardroom, we now have a butler. How posh is that? Yay, Jeeves!
The other big changes this season are on either side of Trump, and I'm not talking about his Real Doll wife (that link is not safe for work, around children, behind Grandma's back, or anywhere for that matter, so be warned (here, this one is much safer)). No, I'm talking about his daughter, Ivanka Trump, replacing the fired and much missed Carolyn. Luckily however, she's been doing a fine job so far and I can't wait to see further along in the season. On the other side, everyone's favourite curmudgeon, George, is gone! Maybe he's eating some fine cookies somewhere, maybe he's off playing shuffleboard, or maybe he's just too cranky to do it this season. All we know is that his chair is empty, and the latest twist is that the winning project manager will sit there when the losing team is in the boardroom. Oooooh, I like!
Being project manager during a task has always been a dangerous spot, with few benefits other than picking who comes back into the boardroom with you if you lose, and something to point to at the end if you make it to the final two. But now there are definite perks. In addition to the above sitting in on the losing team, the winning project manager now keeps that position until their team loses. If you get a team on a hot winning streak, you could write yourself into the final two unless you do something truly awful to screw yourself royally. Who wants to sit beside someone at the end who can say, "Mr. Trump, look at my record. I was project manager SIX weeks running!" Nobody, that's who!
Because it was the season premiere, we didn't get to know a lot of the cast. Trump really seemed to like that rat who helped screw Team Canada out of the very first Olympic gold medal for women's hockey ever, but that was pretty much all we saw of that triumph-stealing hussy. No, at the start of the season for most of these shows you pretty much only get camera time if you're in a position of power, if you're likely to make an early exit, or if you stand out in what is usually a bad way. James got some face time because he seems to be very, very talkative, but in the end this episode was the Martin, Frank, and Heidi Show. Martin was going to get face time no matter what, and I've got a feeling that Frank would have too, even if he wasn't his team's project manager. I'm just grateful he was, because it gave us one of the best near meltdowns ever following one of the best starts by an insane project manager ever. It was all good!
I won't even bother saying anything about Heidi's team this time around. They were cool, collected, and they won by thinking things through. Not so much with Frank, who didn't so much lead his team but started panicking immediately, which lead to the wonderful shot of him running away to get fliers printed while leaving his team wondering what the hell just happened. It was sooo delicious to see!
Then there was Martin. From the moment he stood there in his suit he bought from a blind tailor offering Trump a hug if it meant he could go to the bathroom we knew he was going to be a disaster, but how big of one? I mean, he's got the mighty big shoes of Brent from season 5, Markus from season 4, and Danny from season 3 to fill!
On the first task, putting together a tent, he excelled at standing on a rock, claiming he was "supervising". So far, so good! Then at the car wash he was a washout at sales. But... He just wasn't good at it. He didn't actually drive any sales away. That was a little disappointing. And for the record, I don't think Brent was ever Apprentice material, but I still think he was unfairly treated by his team based on his looks and personality.
Anyway, Frank's team lost, and Martin stayed surprisingly cool while Frank got more and more freaked out with every passing moment. I kept waiting for him to break down in uncontrollable sobs or to snap and start swearing at people while getting all paranoid. As fun as either of those would have been, the barely contained desperation was a blast to see. It also helped us to learn that in the boardroom, whining and begging means you "have the fire to succeed". In fact, maybe if Martin didn't stay so cool and did a little whining and begging himself, things would have been different. As it was, he was the one who took a ride home in a luxury car (no New York taxis this season).
I haven't said much about Heidi yet. Well, she was a competent project manager. It was a fairly straightforward task, so we'll have to wait to see how she does on something a little trickier. However, where she really shined was sitting beside The Donald in the boardroom. She had gone in with a plan to try and keep the weakest player on the other team around, but obviously she didn't have any control over that. What she did do well was sit there with confidence, asked good questions, and was honest with Trump. She looked like she belonged there, and that certainly can't hurt. If she wins again next week, she can build on all of that and help lay the foundation for keeping herself safe after her teams inevitable first loss (I say thinking of the odds of winning several in a row, but you never really know).
It's too early in the game to pick a favourite. There are just too many people we don't know well enough yet to make that call. For the moment though, Heidi is sitting in that coveted spot.

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