Grease: You're The One That I Want - Aired Jan. 7 - Partial Recap

Yeesh, and I thought "So You Think You Can Dance" was a pain in the ass title to keep typing out. But that's okay, because we've got ourselves a lovely new cheese fest! In case you haven't heard about it or watched the premiere, "Grease: You're The One That I Want" is yet another reality talent show, and the goal of this little gem is to cast Danny and Sandy in a new Broadway version of Grease.
The concept isn't nothing we haven't seen before, except for one truly awesome exception. Auditions were held at different cities in the United States, two of which we got to see in this episode. Out of all the hundreds or thousands who auditions, fifty got chosen to go to, and this is the awesome part, Grease Academy! Damn, I want to go there! Could you imagine having that diploma on your wall? We even got shots of the school with the words "Grease Academy" right there on the building! This is the only thing that could possibly have topped sending them to Rydell High. Anyway, of those lucky bastards who get to go to Grease Academy, only twelve will graduate and get to perform for us, the viewing audience, who will get to vote until we finally have our new Danny and Sandy. I've got chills, and they are definitely multiplying!
Say what you want about how this show somewhat resembles one or two other reality talent shows, but they don't have Grease Academy now, do they? I didn't think so, smart guy.
Grease: YTOTIW has one and a half hosts. The one being Billy Bush, a relative of some other guy named Bush, and the half being Denise Van Outen (no relation to Milhouse Van Houten), a bubbly blonde Brit who barely showed up on our screens. It also has the industry standard three hosts - Kathleen Marshall, who will be the director and choreographer for the Broadway show, Jim Jacobs, who co-wrote the original Grease, and David Ian, the prerequisite British guy. I don't think the FCC allows these show to air anymore if one of the judges isn't from Blighty.
As usual, the series is starting out with just the auditions. Also as usual, the people auditioning range from great to truly awful. I know that some of the truly awful performers are doing it just to be on television, but some of them are seriously deluded and audition with complete sincerity. Either way, for those that were that bad, I didn't bother writing down their names. I don't want to contribute to their crazed grasp for temporary fame, or I don't want to add to the misery of reality crashing completely around them. And yes, as I write all of this, I'm thinking of the second woman we saw on the episode who sings worse than I do, and my voice drives babies to commit murder.
Of those whose names I did take note of, I apologize in advance if I completely butchered the spelling of your name, as the producers didn't get around to providing us the much appreciated nice little graphics. This apology, of course, only goes to those of you who actually spell your names normally. If anyone on this show is named James and spells it any way other than J-A-M-E-S, then not only are you out of luck, I may have to come over there and slap some sense into you. I'm not going through another season on another show dealing with that crap. That said, let's head to Los Angeles.
The auditions do start in the City of Angels, but how good will the talent pool be? This is a town famous for its movies, both silver screen and porn, not its flourishing live theatre. Are there enough singer/dancer combinations to make this trip worth while? We'll find out first who is a good enough singer, and then those who pass that are invited back to dance later on in the day.
First up is Meg Ryan. No, sorry, Ashley Spencer. She only looks like Meg Ryan, and young Meg Ryan at that, not the current Meg Ryan who looks like her face suffered through a tragic loom accident. Why, Meg? I know there is a hell of a lot of pressure on actresses in Hollywood to keep looking young, but now... Oh, but now. Between you and Mary Tyler Moore (two women I used to idolize), I don't know who is the greater public service announcement against face lifts.
I digress though. Meg, I mean Ashley was pretty good.
She was followed by the worst audition we got to see, so let's skip on to the next name I jotted down.
Kaitlyn Doubleday. Hmmm. Of the Doubleday Book Club family, by any chance? Could we get five Sandys for 99 cents if we buy four more at regular Book Club prices within the next two years? Now, I'm writing this several days after I watched the show, but I planned on writing earlier so I didn't write down too much in the way of notes. That means I don't remember too much about Kaitlyn except she had a decent voice and looked like she could be Sandy.
Next up was Fawn something or another (please show us names, NBC). An attractive woman with an okay voice for karaoke. She didn't make it after attempting two songs, and gave us our first tears of the night. Billy Bush was appalled that the judges didn't recognize this woman's obvious talent! I found it impossible to believe that someone with the last name Bush wouldn't listen to the experts. That's unheard of!
After Bambi was my favouritestly named performer of the night, Max Crumb. He had a great voice, and he had the perfect look for the role of... Eugene. Normally I care more about the talent than the looks, but this time around people are auditioning for very specific roles and the look helps sell the believability of the character. If I'm going to stage The Beverly Hillbillies Musical, I'm not going to cast Dakota Fanning as Granny, no matter how good she is. This was the first Danny hopeful we really had though, so he moved on.
Billy Bush then took the stage to beg for another chance for Fawn. Whether he truly believed in her talent or was just smitten with her beauty, I don't know. All I do know is that the judges...
Cut to commercial. Bah.
Like Fawn wasn't going to get the second chance. She took the stage, thanked everyone, then started singing. She was doing pretty darned well, then came a high note and she blew it bad. Oh, it was awful. Judging from the look on Billy Bush's face backstage, I started to wonder if there was a third reason he wanted her to get another chance. Sheer evil malice. No. It's not like his name is Billy Cheney.
Fawn thanked him for getting her a second chance to make a fool of herself (ouch!) and that was the last we saw of her. Until the end of the season when they decide to show highlights and lowlights.
After this debacle, we got to meet Patricia Canelli, the first talented hefty woman of the evening (don't judge my use of the word "hefty", as I'm writing this while lying in bed with a bucket of chicken). She certainly had a good voice, and it would be nice to see a larger woman get the role, but it's not going to happen. America isn't ready for Sandy XL, and shame on you for that. I thought she would make a fantastic Frenchy, but this show isn't casting for other roles. Based on the sheer force of her personality and voice however, she made it through to the dancing.
Vincent Demosky was next, and though he was around the right age for Danny, he looked way too young. As with Patricia, I thought he would have been a good choice for another role, in this case Doody, but I doubt he'd have settled for anything other than Danny. Keep pluggin' at it kid, and we'll see you in a few years.
During the commercials, I saw a commercial for a movie called Stomp The Yard. If you saw it, you probably had the same question that came to me. Will it be as good as Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo?
Alright, now we have Kara Hilly. Good voice, good look, nothing to snark on. Let's keep moving.
Ah, Sunshine Smith. We already have one pudgy hopeful making it on to the dance part of the audition, will we have two? Unlike Patricia, I see Sunshine more in the part of Jan. She has a very nice voice, so that's helpful and it does get her a pass into the dance.
Before we go any further, let me say this about the role of Sandy. If you're a brunette, dye your hair blonde if you want any chance of winning this competition. If you're overweight, don't even try. The audience has one vision of Sandy in their minds, and that's Olivia Newton John. I'm telling you right now that the winner of that role will be a skinny blonde, no matter how much more talented another contender may be. It's not right, and it would be great to see someone unexpected get the part, but that's what happens when the audience gets to decide, you just wait and see. Bookmark this recap and if at the end of the season I'm wrong, I will be more than happy to hear about it. The same thing applies to Danny. Let's just see how much the winner of that role looks like John Travolta.
Like Phil Lander. Wow, this guy has the perfect look for Danny! Stop the auditions now, we've found our... our... what the hell is that? Does he think that's singing? Damn. Never mind.
Deja Jones. An African-American Sandy would be incredible, but for reasons I've detailed above it's not going to happen from this show, though I'd love to be proven wrong. In American Idol and So You Think You Can Dance, there are no preconceived notions of what the winner will look like. But luckily the judges don't have a set vision in their heads (we think), so she makes it through.
Rebecca Cutts showed up right from a pharmaceutical convention, and the way she was dressed was proof of that. Despite being perfectly dressed for the office, she sang with a lot of emotion and moved on to the dance part.
The last contestant we met from L.A. was Chad Doric, who was the best of the Danny hopefuls so far. He not only had a good look for the role, he could sing. Bonus! We have seen a lot of good Sandys, but the show hasn't exactly been swimming in Danny material yet.
I'm not sure if I phrased that correctly.
Anyhoo, we came to the dancing part of the audition, and I wasn't too pleased with the way this was executed. Everyone had an hour to learn a routine, then they danced in groups, and there wasn't enough focus on anyone to really get a feel for their dancing. Maybe I'm spoiled by So You Think You Can Dance, but I would have liked to have seen more of the individuals we just spent the last however long meeting.
After the dances, it was time for the judges to decide who will be cut and who will go on to Grease Academy. Ha! I still love that!
"Ah, Ms. Lavalamp. I see here that you have a BR from Grease Academy."
"Yes, a Bachelor of Rizzo. Do I get the job?"
It turns out that one of the most annoying aspects of the show so far are the phrases used for cutting someone or letting them know they've made it through.
"You are... not Sandy."
"You are... not Danny."
Even that I could live with if it weren't for the following abomination.
"You are... the one that we want to go to Grease Academy."
Picture my eyes rolling (and not so glassy).
Who made it from those we've met? Ashley "Meg Ryan" Spencer, Kaitlyn Doubleday, Max Crumb (who slicked his hair back and dressed more the part, but still isn't quite right for Danny), Kara Hilly, Deja Jones, and Chad Doric. There were others, but we have no idea who they are. The two heavier women didn't make it, and it was probably a kindness letting them go now rather than have to hear the insults that would inevitably fly if they made it further into the process.
The series premiere was scheduled for one and a half hours. By the time we got to Chicago there were only twenty minutes left in the show. That means one of two things. Either the Chicago auditions will continue next week, or there was a severe lack of talent showing up in the Windy City.
Yeah, it was the latter.
It was so bad, there was even time for a tour of Chicago where we got to see the site of the original theatre. We were informed that "unfortunately it's gone now", and normally I would agree with the "unfortunately" part, but there's now a children's hospital there. How unfortunate.
We met so few people in this short time that I'm just going to tell you if they made it to Grease Academy as I name them. There were some interesting bad auditions, but nothing really worth dwelling on.
Jacqueline Petzel. She was good, and she's on her way to Grease Academy.
Dominic Fortuna. Perhaps one of the more interesting finds in Chicago. He has the look for Danny if they plan on making Grease 3: The Middle-Aged Years. At 42, Grandpa Fortuna was the oldest contestant to make it through to Grease Academy with all the young whippersnappers. What bothered me most about this was how insulting the judges were towards older women who auditioned. The only possible way to excuse this double standard was the dearth of potential Dannys.
Kelly Lavelle. Very young, but a passable Sandy. Luckily Sandy can get away with looking like an actual high schooler than Danny can. At 17, if both she and Grandpa Fortuna make it through Grease Academy then are voted through to end by the viewers, we could well be on our way to the most disturbing Broadway show since Ernest Borgnine: Naked and Dancing.
Alex MacIntyre. He had the pipes, but not the look (though at this point that pretty much comes with the territory). He also didn't have the moves, as he didn't make it to Grease Academy.
Of all the people who auditioned in Chicago, only seven made it through to the hallowed halls of Grease Academy (honest, I just don't get tired of writing that). If we saw all of them, that would have doubled the people we met in Chicago. That they didn't warrant some face time on the show doesn't give me much hope that the Faceless Four will make it far in this competition.
So that was that. It was okay, but I've seen better. I don't watch American Idol, but the So You Think You Can Dance auditions are much more exciting to watch. If you didn't watch the premiere, I can still recommend the show. The auditions are in New York next, so there should be much more to see, and if you want to skip that, at least tune in to see Grease Academy the following week!