The Amazing Race - Aired October 29 - Commentary

I realize from the boards I frequent that I may be in the minority, but I love the Beauty Queens more and more each week. They are playing the game to win, and aren't above taking a poke at their joy-challenged competition, the humourless single mothers from Alabama. When they asked the ticket agent for tickets for the Junky Models ahead of Alabama, sure it was a little mean, but it was fun to watch. This is the best rivalry I've seen on the show in ages!
The Beauty Queens (or as I'd rather call them, and shall from now on, the Miss Americas) are serious contenders for this race. They came in first this week, and would have come in first last week too if it weren't for the Fast Forward that got Team Kentucky, Mary and her coal-mining husband got thanks to the Cho Brothers.
I'd also like to go on record as saying I really doubt that they're too stupid to know where London is. Considering that they misheard "England" as "India" (and who amongst us hasn't completely misheard words), I think it's far more likely they just misunderstood when "London" was said. Either that, or the idea of going hundreds of miles backwards in order to go forward just seemed wrong enough that they thought that they must have meant something else.
Anyway, go Miss Americas! Realivision is in your corner!
The Cho Brothers, on the other hand, I'm kinda over. Handsome, yes. Nice, yes. Looking great without shirts, yes. But that they actually waited in their car for the rest of their alliance to catch up with them was so pointless and boneheaded. I really hope that this sort of nonsense costs them the game. In The Amazing Race, there are only two people per team. Not six. It's one thing to help each other along, but to hold yourself back deliberately? Why even compete if you're not going to, well, compete? As we've seen before in the show, it's possible to be nice people and still be competitive (hi, Joyce and Uchenna).
So we've had two non-elimination legs within three weeks. I can't say I like them too close together. And as much fun as sweet, naive Mary is, this is keeping Team Kentucky in the race much longer than they should be. It doesn't look like they have a Fast Forward to help them out next week though. That's because of the upcoming new twist, "Intersection", which looks interesting to say the least. One of the Backpack alliance has to work with the Miss Americas? As long as they don't hinder Realivision's favourite team, this could be a lot of fun...

Fun With Realivision - Yeah, it's really just filler...

So I'm checking out the site stats, something I haven't done for a while, and it's nice to see people are still dropping by. Hi! Nice to see you! Please leave comments. I need the validation. Please. I'm begging you... Besides, the numbers aren't anywhere near what they were in the Realivision heyday. That makes commenting so much more vital to my emotional well-being!
Alright, that's out of the way. And I do have a goal in mind for this post. Keywords! The nifty phrases people type into Google or, if Treasure Hunters got to them enough, Ask.com, to find the information they need about their favourite reality shows. While none of the ones used to find Realivision come close to the "terry hatcher toilet" or "robot rape" people used to find my other blog (which has been just as forlorn and forgotten as this one), it's still fun to see what's on people's minds. Some comments after the stats...

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6 11.32% dancin with the stars
3 5.66% maksim chmerkovsky
2 3.77% dancin' with the stars
2 3.77% nerd routine pictures so you think you can dance
2 3.77% dancin with the stars first season
2 3.77% laird macintosh
2 3.77% celebrity duets pictures
1 1.89% allison and ivan
1 1.89% louis van amstel gay blog
1 1.89% lynn-rae wrote body
1 1.89% jessica and melissa schilling
1 1.89% monique coleman and louis van amstel are they a couple
1 1.89% extra with monique coleman and louis van amstel
1 1.89% lynn rae wrote
1 1.89% so you think you can dance what a feeling
1 1.89% theo von neck brace
1 1.89% louis van amstel gay
1 1.89% sara evans apology allison
1 1.89% is louis van amstel gay
1 1.89% pictures so you think you can dance goth zombie
1 1.89% karina smirnoff ethnicity
1 1.89% melissa witek
1 1.89% knowlton haaland
1 1.89% inflatable violet beauregarde costumes
1 1.89% big brother janelle and will interview
1 1.89% treasure hunters melissa miss usa
1 1.89% name of judges dancing with the stars
1 1.89% rap song for learnin the names of bones in the human skeleton
1 1.89% kym jung soon, the professional dancer
1 1.89% jones soda company
1 1.89% dancer cheryl burke ethnicity
1 1.89% lynn rae dance
1 1.89% so you think you can dance season 2 goth dance video
1 1.89% kym johnson tom dancin stars springer
1 1.89% so you think you can dance tour recap
1 1.89% judges of so you think you can dance
1 1.89% edyta sliwinska nude pics
1 1.89% louis van amstel gay blogs
1 1.89% ethnicity of dancer cheryl burke
1 1.89% miss florida gator melissa witek
1 1.89% carrie ann inaba youtube
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People really want to know if Dancing With the Stars, ummm, star Louis Van Amstel is gay, don't they? I'll tell you right now, I don't know if he is. I wouldn't bet against it, but unless you're hoping to get busy with him, it really doesn't matter if he is or not. Providing that people aren't wanting to sue because their fantasies have been crushed, like a group of Clay Aiken fans are.
Note from that last paragraph that the word is "Dancing". Only one lone searcher put the "g" in. Someone even correctly inserted an apostrophe when they dropped the "g" and put in "dancin'", but that's wrong too. Why do those of you who dropped it hate the letter "g" so much? You don't see others looking for "louis van amstel ay blo", do you?
I'm surprised by "inflatable violet beauregarde costumes". Have I really made enough Charlie and the Chocolate Factory references to get that high up in the search rankings? It would be an awesome costume though. Push a button and compressed air inflates you into a giant blueberry.
It's nice to see people are searching for Miss Realivision 2006, Melissa Witek. She rocks. It's also nice to see people are searching for Luscious Laird Macintosh. I'm sure after the critical drubbing he took during Treasure Hunters that he could use the support.
Jones Soda does indeed make a fine product. They have a wonderful line of carbonated beverages that you really should try. Jones Soda, it's not just for breakfast anymore.
Sorry, I don't have any nude pictures of Edyta Sliwinska, but she is a foxy dancer, you sly porn hunter, whoever you are!
Seriously folks, it's "dancing" and "learning".

Dancing With the Stars - Commentary

I am so far behind on this show, it isn't funny. It's sitting on several video tapes, waiting for me to recap, but that's not happening now so I should get down to watching it. Seriously, I haven't watched an episode since the first results show, the one I covered using pirate talk. Arrrrrr.
However, it's hard to miss the news about Sara Evans. I feel for her and what she's going for. Unfortunately, all of it has been tainted by the fact that disgraced politician Tom Delay waded into the show before it aired and urged people to vote for Sara because she represents sound family values instead of that evil symbol of all things liberal, Jerry Springer.
So please forgive us who find humour in this situation. We're not laughing at Sara Evans, we're laughing at Tom Delay.

The Amazing Race - Aired for weeks! - Commentary

First I'd like to apologize that we won't be getting the Treasure Hunters style recaps I was hoping to provide. It does require a working computer at home, and sadly, I don't have one of those right now. I tried calling tech support, but that was no help. It seems they've hired Ann Coulter as a consultant so all they would tell me is that my computer problems are a result of "damned liberals".
Anyway, all that aside, what a fantastic season it's been so far! We have villains, we have people who are being a little too good, and soooo many contestants getting lost. All this with the most diverse cast the show has ever given us. Even moreso than Survivor: Cook Islands. Unfortunately we lost some of that diversity too quickly, but it's still been a terrific season, so that's okay.
Many viewers have fallen in love with perhaps the most sweetly naive couple ever presented, Team Kentucky. Mary and her coalminer husband. His name escapes me right now, and I don't have time to look it up, but it doesn't matter. Mary is the star of this pair even if hubby has had his moments. It's a surprise to pretty much everyone that they're still in the race, even though they did come close to elimination, but managed to hit the first non-elimination pitstop.
Team Single Mothers. Watching them is like going through childbirth. Writing about them is like childbirth. Writing recaps and commentaries is like childbirth. They've compared so many things to childbirth, I think it's just second nature to them. "Wow, I was tired this morning. Getting out of bed was just like childbirth!" "I didn't care much for that movie. The plot was like childbirth." "This soup tastes like childbirth!"
No. I'm not going through each time. It's hard enough to do this and my job at the same time. We know Rob and Kimberly are jerks. Peter's an ass, it's nice to see him gone, even if Sarah was a sweetheart. Oh, I'm not sure on some of these name spellings, but phooey. I'm not going to go check, and you can't make me!
I'm liking the Beauty Queens right now. They are there to compete, and are playing hard but not particularly dirty. First it was Team Miss USA, now it's the Miss Americas. I don't know why the pageant teams are able to win me over, but it seems like it keeps happening lately. If you can call twice "keeps happening". There is only one Miss Realivision 2006 though, and that's Melissa Witek and don't you forget it. Maybe if one of the Miss Americas were to give us behind-the-scenes insider information or even an interview, maybe one of them could be Miss Realivision 2007. Maybe.
Damn, this is taking a long time to write. Just as I try to take two seconds to write another sentence, the patient starts bleeding from yet another artery. Do you mind, Mr. Pennyweather? I'm trying to write a blog here!
Actually, it is pretty hectic here, so I'm going to leave you with this... The Cho brothers are nice, and have been one of my favourite teams, but they annoyed the hell out of me when they gave the Fast Forward to Kentucky. For starters, it could have cost them the game, and you're not in the race to win, don't apply in the first place. Then there was all the talk about how they're trying to play "differently", in other words, in a "nice" way. This nice way still required them to lie to another team in order to help the one they favoured. That's not so nice. Which I'm fine with, but don't pretend to be playing a "better" game and then go an lie to people. That's called "hypocrisy".

Survivor: Cook Islands - Aired last few weeks - Commentary

Okay, I realize that in order to get the diverse cast for this season's big twist, the producers had to look for contestants outside of regular viewers of the show. That's the only thing keeping me from reaching through my television and smacking these people around, asking what the hell is wrong with them.
Take, for example, Cao Boi and Flicka. A couple of weeks ago, they had the chance to be in an alliance that would have shaken their tribe up and seen them through to the merge. So how the hell were they convinced to not only not do it, but that they would have numbers on their side only if they voted in favour of the current ruling alliance?
The following week, Cao Boi tried to make an impact, but it was too little, too late. Now he's gone, and he has only himself to blame. The right move at the right time could have kept him safe.
By the way, if I were to write a novel or screenplay and included characters named "Cao Boi" and "Flicka", how seriously would it be taken? But I'd take it a step further and add a "Nakomis" to the mix, a smart and sassy young woman who could lead this rag-tag group of misfits to much glory.
Actually, I'd like to see that one of these seasons. A whole tribe of misfits. That would be awesome. Do you hear that, Mark Burnett? Go ahead and use the idea, I will not seek any financial renumeration.
I can only give these contestants so much slack though. Unless they have to leave for the island the day after they get the news that they'll be on the show, they should have time to do some basic research. Many seasons are available on DVD, not to mention all the websites devoted to the show. Learn from past mistakes!
There's no reason we should be this many seasons in and still have people being lazy around camp or submitting to the will of the dominant alliances or being very cocky when they are in a position of power. There's no reason the same mistakes should keep being made, but they are. Every friggin' season.
Speaking of mistakes, yeesh. If you are sitting in on another tribe's Tribal Council and have the opportunity to remove one of their players for safety, you take the one in most danger of leaving! How basic is that? It screws up their game plan, and if that person makes it to the merge, you can flip them to your side! Damn, these people aren't thinking ahead.
I can't wait until we get to our first elimination competition. You watch, the pecking order of the alliances will once more be laid bare. If I ever found myself on one of these shows, I'd be telling my teammates to knock me out first. They can screw things up for themselves if they so desire, but leave me out of it.
Finally, a comment on the four tribes thing that started out the season. Last time around, they started the show with four tribes based on age and sex (which didn't start much controversy as splitting them up based on ethnicity), and it lasted all of one tribal council before they merged into two tribes. This time around, it lasted an extra episode or two, but that was it. Come on, Burnett! Have the cojones to go with the four tribe concent and stick with it through to the big merge! If one tribe gets down to three members, split them up amongst the other three tribes. It would work, and it would really make the four tribe concept mean something.

Realivision News - Oh Crap Edition

You may or may not have noticed a distinct lack of updates recently. Not to worry, I haven't quit the blog, but I've been catching up on other stuff. I still have two weeks worth of Days of Our Lives, and that's with somehow messing up and missing a whole bunch of episodes. I think I missed Jack and Jennifer leaving town, Marlena being kidnapped, Patrick being arrested, and Shawn leaving Mimi around the same time he morphed into a different looking man, and one who can't act.
But there is bad news. Oh crap news. My computer died. Not the one at work I'm typing on now, no. The one at home that lets me pause shows while doing recaps.
So what does this mean? Believe it or not, it may actually mean I'll be updating more. Ironic, huh? That's because I won't be able to do any recaps. It'll all be commentary from now on, or at least until I can get my computer fixed or replaced. Damn.
Maybe this will give me a chance to work on that cross-stitch I have sitting in the closet. Or, you know, get up and move around.