Survivor: Cook Islands - Aired Sept. 14 - Commentary

As I write this, three episodes have aired, and so we're only getting a commentary. Sorry. But dang, it's fall premiere season! Have you seen Heroes or Jericho yet? No? You really should! And next week Lost is back. Hmmmmmmmm...
But Survivor. Oh, sweet Survivor, how we love you and have missed you. There is nothing like the start of the season, Jeff Probst welcoming us to the show and the location, then his countdown - 39 days, 20 people, 1 Survivor - and the theme song hits. It gets me each time.
It was a little more chaotic this time around, as he was standing on a ship with all the contestants scrambling around him trying to grab items for their tribes. It was okay, but it didn't come anywhere near close to my favourite opening of any Survivor season ever where the camera pulled back as he was talking and he was standing at the mouth of a volcano. Damn, that as a great start to a season. Just because it would be hard to top though doesn't mean they shouldn't try. Bah. I'm also peeved that they no longer do a little montage of Jeff taking the final votes and showing his journey to whatever venue in the States they plan on using for the finale. I loved that, Jeff. Why don't you do it anymore? Think of the poor fans, damn it!
I haven't mentioned it yet, but I can't go on any further without touching on the biggest controversy Survivor has ever faced. Why does he spell his name "Cao Boi" and not "Cowboy"?
Ha! I kid. Of course I'm talking about the four tribes based on ethnicity. Asians, Latinos, African-Americans, and rednecks. Ha! I kid again. The caucasian team aren't rednecks. Well, I'm not sure about Adam, but otherwise they're not.
As the show unfolded, the tribes definitely talked about it, but otherwise it was almost a non-issue, except for the Asian tribe where Cao Boi, arguably the biggest personality of the season, kept making Asian jokes much to the chagrin of his much younger tribemates.
While the season started being about ethnicity, it already looks like it's going to be the same old story and boil down to sex. The first tribe to lose a challenge was the African-Americans, and they got to select someone from another tribe to go to Exile Island. The two men stepped away from their teammates to make the decision, leaving the three women behind and none too pleased. It really came as no surprise afterwards that the first person voted off the island was one of the men.
The Exile Island twist last year was interesting, but at the end never really made a difference thanks to Terry dominating immunity challenges and never having to use his hidden immunity idol. Let's hope that things change this season and we get to see the thing actually come into play. The island itself is a lot more sparse than the one used last time, and instead of a giant wooden skull, the exiled player is stranded with the remains of a wrecked ship. It's actually kinda cool looking.
Sorry that's it for now, but I've got a lot of catching up to do.

Dancin' With the Stars - Arrrred Sept. 13 - Parrrrrrtial Recap

Ahoy, me hearties! We be ready for the Dancin' results show, arrrrr, but as we know, the landlubbers will be makin' it mostly filler! Arrrrr! As I be writin' this, it be Talk Like a Pirate Day and so I shall be takin' that to heart! Join yer good friend Cap'n Tabby as we sail these treacherous waters and find out who was the first scurvy dog to walk the plank...
Avast, before we get to the show's glitterin' treasure, we must first lay eyes on a recap of the night afore. We don't need that bilge water, for all we need to do is scroll down this page just a wee bit. Arrrrr!
What vile treachery be this? The leader board. Damnable curs! We know that Able Seaman Mario Lopez be in front of the fleet! We know that fancy dandy Tucker Carlson be at the rear! Are ye wanting a cutlass up the windpipe? Arrr, you at least explained the rules, that the judges score be making up half the total, and the landlubbin' masses be makin' up the other half.
The judges are given the choice between a trip to Davy Jones' locker, or their favourite jig from the competition. Their choice? Emmitt and Cheryl. Arr. They would have been a fine meal for the sharks, and fine entertainment for the crew. Yer cap'n would have watched the jig, but I was polishin' me typing hook at the time.
There be few things that bring a tear to an old pirates one good eye, but a performance by that crusty buccaneer Tom Jones would do it. As he sang one of his more popular chanties, we were treated to a couple of youngsters dancin' a professional jig.
Below deck after this, that fair wench Samantha was talkin' to some of the competin' crew. Arrrrrrrr! If'n there were some magic that would let us blow past this!
Now we are forced to hear from the audience! Is there no end to this torture! Lash me to the yardarm, that would be so much more pleasurable! Damn ye, Dancin' With the Stars. Is there no end to yer plunderin' and pillagin' of me time?
Alrighty, we be findin' out now who the first four will be who will be sailin' on in this voyage.
Harry. Arrr.
Emmitt. Arrr.
Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Aaarrrrrr! Avast, Jerry, they will not be stretchin' yer neck this night!
Vivica. Arrr.
Somethin' new on the show this year be a landlubbin' peasant who ain't never danced a jig in her life. She be learnin' a new jig each week and performin' it on the show, I think. Or she be doin' one jig at the end of the season. I be too busy sharpenin' me cutlass to be payin' attention. This could be interestin' anyway.
The professional dancers then did a jig to show them hornswogglin' celebrities how to do it right for next week! Arrrr!
More Samantha below deck with the four who be safe. Ar.
Salty Tom, the host, asked the judges who they be thinkin' should be keelhauled this blustery night. Len would toss Shanna into Davy Jones Locker if he be given the chance. Bruno would feed Tucker to the fish. Carrie Ann would make Sara walk the plank.
After this, it's time for another chanty from Crusty Tom, the singer! Arrrr. He makes me tap me pegleg to the music.
Time for the results? Nay! It be a look at the celebrities and how hard they be working on their jigs! Oh, for some magic that would let me fast forward to the future!
Arrrrrrr! We finally be getting to the end of this voyage!
Tucker be in the bottom three.
Monique be safe.
Joey be safe.
Shanna be in the bottom three.
Mario be safe.
Sara be safe.
Willa be in the bottom three.
Arrr. Who be the first to walk the plank?
Shanna be safe.
The first to walk the plank be... Tucker!
Arrrrrrrrrrrrr! Splash!

Dancing With the Stars - Aired Sept. 12 - Partial Recap

It's time to class this joint up, and what better way than some top notch ballroom dancing? Well, I'm not sure yet that's what we're going to get, but how about teaming up a bunch of celebrities with some top notch ballroom dancers? Nothing can go wrong there, as we have learned from two previous seasons of Dancing With the Stars. You may hear the words "debacle" and "Master P" thrown around, but that never happened last season and you will never be able to convince me it did. Sure, parts of my memory of DWtS2 are blank, but I attribute that to my diet of excessive alcohol and Mentos.
The first big news of the season is that co-host Samantha Harris is back to help make Tom Bergeron look good. Samantha wasn't with the show in season one so it's nice that they kept her around this time for some more flub-filled fun.
She and Tom start off the show by introducing the pairs, but we'll name them as they perform. I just want to note that of course Tucker Carlson is wearing a bowtie. What was that term Jon Stewart used to describe him? Oh yeah. Dick. Oh, I'm sure there were other reasons he had for calling Carlson a dick, but reallyl, just a young man wearing a bowtie is reason enough. But enough with Carlson's dickitudinousness.
The judges haven't been introduced yet, but it's nice to see the usual crew of Carrie Ann Inaba, Len Goodman, and Bruno Tonioli. We're also informed that the female stars will be dancing the fox trot, and the male stars the cha-cha.
Joey Lawrence - Joey Lawrence with the shaven head? Whoa! (Ha! A Blossom reference!) I've heard that he prefers "Joe" Lawrence these days, but screw that. Same to you, "Rick"(y) Schroeder. If Dusty Hoffman and Robby DeNiro can live with it, so can you. His professional partner is Edyta Sliwinska, and let me tell you, I've never been more happy to see someone's name in the graphics.
Another site has Joey as their official choice to win the championship, damn their eyes. Not here though. The official pick for Realivision is Jerry Springer, due in no large part to the fact that his winning would piss off Tom DeLay. What better reason than that?
Anyway, Joey can dance pretty well. This particular routine didn't blow me away, but it showed that he has a lot to work with. Curses!
The judges all liked what they saw, with some minor critiques on what he should work on.
The scores...
Carrie Ann - 7
Len - 7
Bruno - 7
Total - 21
Not spectacular by any means, but it gives room for better scores as he improves, and frankly, it was a fair score for the dance.
Sara Evans - Screw you, Tom DeLay, I will not vote for her! Unless... Aaargh! Me and my damned "morals". I've always argued that viewers should always vote for who they think is the best dancer. So other than Jerry Springer, who we should vote for regardless, if this country singer is the best tonight, then (sigh) vote for her.
Her partner for the tournament is Tony Dovolani.
The dance was pretty. Again, it's still early but she did pretty well.
Ha! Carrie Ann Inaba said she looked "very conservative" out there! Sorry, because of the whole Tom DeLay thing, that just tickled me pink. It wasn't what she was talking about, but it amused me never-the-less. All the judges thought there was a lot of room for improvement with Sara.
The scores...
Carrie Ann - 5
Len - 5
Bruno - 5
Total - 15
Despite the booing from the audience, this score was again quite fair.
Tucker "Dick" Carlson - I'll make you a deal, Carlson. You stop with the bowties, I'll stop bringing up "dick". His partner is new to the show, one Miss Elena Grinenko.
The first thing he did in the routine is ditch the tie. Uhhhh... That makes me feel bad now, because I have to be honest here. He was pretty bad. It didn't help that he spent half the dance sitting on a chair. Judges, you agree? Oh, they agree.
The scores...
Carrie Ann - 5 (Really? You thought he was as good as Sara Evans?)
Len - 4
Bruno - 3
Total - 12
It really was pretty awful. Tucker Carlson is not a natural dancer. But at least of the lot so far he seemed to have been having the most fun.
Monique Coleman - As with every celebrity reality show, there are going to be people I've never heard of, and this young woman just happens to be one of them. She was apparently in something called High School Musical, but I've never seen it. However, her partner is the great Louis van Amstel! He's kept the shorter hair he got last season with Lisa Rinna, which is a shame because I enjoyed his ponytail. Oh well.
Very nice. Not a runaway favourite, but well executed. I've been watching enough of these now that I'm actually starting to see where technique lacks.
As usual at this point, the judges want to see more.
The scores...
Carrie Ann - 6
Len - 6
Bruno - 7
Total - 19
So far that puts them in second place, and (copy and paste from previous comments) is a fair score.
Emmitt Smith - Oh, a football player. The athletes so far in the run of this show have been far from spectacular, with whatshisname from last year only making the final two on popularity alone (Stacy Keebler was robbed, which is one of my arguments in my ongoing stance against viewer voting). His partner is Cheryl Burke, who is the reigning champion from the professional dancers' side of the partnerships. However, if a football player is as good a dancer as Drew Lachey, her partner last year, I will be quite surprised.
Can I eat my words a little bit here? He's still no Drew Lachey, and he needs a lot of work, but this was the best first dance I've seen from any of the athletes who have ever competed on this show. I was wondering if the judges agree, and sure enough, they loved him.
The scores...
Carrie Ann - 8
Len - 8
Bruno - 8
Total - 24
Wow! That high? He was good, but all 8s? I could see two 7s and an 8, but wow. The important thing now is to see how much of this is him exceeding expectations, and can he keep it up as the other stars grow?
Willa Ford - A pop singer, someone else I've never heard of. However, I have heard of her sexy partner, Maksim Chmerkovsky. Yes, I've heard of him last year. And I watched him last year. And he never returned my calls last year. And I lived in his backyard last year until he got the restraining order. He's handsome.
I liked this one! It didn't get the cheers Emmitt Smith's dance got, but so far it's my favourite of the night. Other than one comment by Len about footwork, the judges were all positive.
The scores...
Carrie Ann - 7
Len - 7
Bruno - 8
Total - 22
Booooooooo! That was at least as good as Smith's! Show them next week, Willa. Grrrr.
Mario Lopez - I'd rather see Screech from Saved by the Bell, but Mario will do. And he'll probably do better, as he has dance experience of sorts, but damn, why couldn't Screech be on? That would be awesome! Anyway, Mario's partner is Karina Smirnoff, who, I believe, is new to the show.
It's funny how the dance of the night changes as the night goes on. I think we've just found the team to beat for the season. Damn, this was good. The judges loved it too, particularly Bruno who asked if Mario has extra batteries in his pants. Carrie Ann Inaba agrees that they are the couple to beat.
The scores...
Carrie Ann - 9
Len - 8
Bruno - 9
Total - 26
Damned right!
Shanna Moakler - A third celeb I've never heard of, this one being a former Miss USA from 1992, and she was on a reality show I never watched. With my experience in Treasure Hunters become a fan of Team Miss USA, you'd think I'd be cheering for her right off the bad. No, because I like to mess with your expectations! You think I'll be cheering for someone in particular, but no! You think I'll be funny in my recaps, but no! Her partner is the first new male professional dancer added this season, Jesse DeSoto.
Very nice job, not breath-taking though. The judges do see room for improvement as well, though Len was quite disappointed.
The scores...
Carrie Ann - 7
Len - 5
Bruno - 6
Total - 18
The greatest disparity in scores this evening since Tucker Carlson, but at least hers were higher and deservedly so. But with the viewers voting too, will it be enough to keep her in the game?
Harry Hamlin - The husband of one of the darlings of last season, Lisa Rinna. We saw him in the audience each week, now we get to see him try his hand at dancing. His partner is arguably one of the more popular of the professionals, Ashly DelGrosso. You know, the poor woman saddled with Master P last year? She's already happy that she has someone whose heart is into the whole thing this time around.
He's quite stiff, so he definitely needs to relax, but you can tell he worked at it and there is potential for improvement. The judges agree that he needs to loosen up.
The scores...
Carrie Ann - 5
Len - 6
Bruno - 6
Total - 17
Not the worst, but quite reasonable for what we got.
Is it over yet? Yeesh, they have a lot of celebrities this season.
Vivica A. Fox - Remember after Independance Day when her career seemed to be on a rocketship to the stars? Yeah, so do I. She wants to show women over 40 that they can be sexy... Over 40? An actress in Hollywood? Ah. So that's what happened to her career. That sucks, and it's really not fair when actors over 40 are still considered sexy and bankable. But this is all ground that's been covered elsewhere.
Her partner is Nick Kosovich, who for some reason reminds me of a cross between Wayne Newton and Robert Goulet.
Maybe I'm spoiled by So You Think You Can Dance, or by Drew vs. Stacy last season. This was the most energetic of the fox trots, but like much of what we've seen so far has just been okay. I can't wait until later in the season when we start getting the really great performances.
The judges really liked it, even though Carrie Ann Inaba thought her technique needs some work.
The scores...
Carrie Ann - 6
Len - 8
Bruno - 8
Total - 22
Quite a nice, solid score to start out with.
Jerry Springer! - JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! What? You're cheering against him? Oh no you didn't say that! Talk to the hand! Okay, it's on, beyotch! If anyone can make this show break out in fisticuffs, it's this guy. Maybe now we'll finally find out the truth about what goes on in the judges' chambers.
His partner is Kym Johnson, who is new to the American version of the show but is a former Australian Dancing With the Stars champion.
Every older male star who appears on this show has a lot to live up to with the incredible performances of John O'Hurley in season one. Jerry tended to live up more to George Hamilton from season two. He was certainly entertaining, but hopefully he'll improve once he gets over his nerves.
The judges got into an arguement over who loved whom the most, then got in a fight. Once security broke them up, they confessed that they too were entertained.
The scores...
Carrie Ann - 5
Len - 5
Bruno - 6
Total - 16
Criticize Jerry all you want, but he comes across here as funny, self-effacing, and very sweet. Just forget that he once paid for a prostitute with a cheque and vote for him, damn it.
Gosh darn it, it's nice to have this show back. So who's going home first? Mario Lopez should be safe, what with the highest score of the night. Will Tucker Carlson, who scored just 12, be the first to leave or will the fans decide to keep him around and see if he'll be back with another bowtie next week? What do you think, any favourites yet?

Celebrity Duets - Aired Sept. 7 & 8 - Partial Recap

This change in time slot threw me off. The premiere aired on a Tuesday, now it's showing on Thursday. That's no good. Survivor's premiering soon! Xena, do something! Move back to Tuesday, which is currently a reality wasteland! Phooey.
Recap of the previous episode? Where is my remote? Ah...
Wayne Brady, improvise for us. Sing a song! Show us the world's worst... veterinarian!
"I'm a baaaaad veterinarian!"
Never mind. Let's get on with the show.
Al Parks? El Socks? - I still don't know who this guy is. He's an okay singer, but he's no Warrior Princess. His partner is Wynnona. Wynonna? Wynnnonnna? Great singer, even if I don't know how to spell her name. Help me, Google! Wynonna. Thank you, Google. You're a good search engine, even if you do freak me out by letting me get so close in the arial view of my home.
Anyway, they did pretty good. Judges?
Marie Osmond - She thinks he went from being too "white" last week to having soul now.
Little Richard - Thinks he did a good job. Whoooooo!
David Foster - Likes what he did, would like to see him build up a song better.
Lea Thompson - I really want to make a joke about her teenage self falling in love with her own son after he travels back in time, but I got nothing. And even if I did, it would be way too forced. Maybe before she leaves the show I might be able to come up with a Howard the Duck reference. That movie was way too underrated.
"Heaven is a Place on Earth"? Nooo! Yessss! Belinda Carlisle! I loved the GoGos! Lea's voice seemed a little weak, but they meshed together well. Judges?
Marie - Misses Donny, but that aside thought Lea had fierce energy.
Little Richard - Whooooo! Then he dissed Lea by saying she has Tina Turner's legs, but not her voice. Then something about she's a princess and he wants to make her a queen. Then he said, "Shut up!" And... I don't know what he was trying to say.
Foster - Liked her.
Cheech Marin - This was his best song yet. His voice works best with something bluesy. His partner was Clint Black, and things went well for this team. We've been seeing the celeb's family in the audience after each performance, and for Cheech we got to see his apparently 24-year-old girlfriend. Cheech. Cheeeeeech. Tsk. Judges?
Marie - Thought it was great.
Little Richard - Thinks he found his, Whooooooo, voice.
Foster - Good news, Cheech is the only one of the contestants who has had a hit record. Bad news, he's not going to make it to the end. You see, the audience are voting now and talk like that only pushes them to vote for people who should be going home. I'm not saying Cheech is bad enough to leave yet, he is no Master P after all, but if that means someone more deserving leaves...
Alfonso Ribeiro - Alfonso is one of the contenders, and this song with Jeffrey Osborne helped prove that. What this show really needs is a Silver Spoons reunion. Alfonso, Rick Schroeder, and Jason Bateman. How cool would that be? Judges?
Marie - She probably thinks it would be really cool, but if she does she's keeping it to herself. Other than that, she loved the choices he made.
Little Richard - Whooooo! Little else made sense.
Foster - He liked that Alfonso sang in tune, but didn't care for the dancing.
Carly Patterson - She got to sing "I'm so Excited" with Anita Pointer from the Pointer Sisters. I wasn't so excited, but she did better than I expected. It was nice to see one of the Pointers again, and Anita can sing. Judges?
Marie - Thought she improved muchly.
Little Richard - Huh? Whoooo!
Foster - She's come a long way, she's got a long way to go.
Jai Rodriguez - It seems that he had some throat problems, but we couldn't tell it from the song. It was fun listening to some girls screaming in the audience. They do know he's gay, right? Okay, mostly gay. Alright, maybe they do have a chance.
He sang with Brian McKnight, and they were great together, damn it. Judges?
Marie - Liked it. Blah.
Little Richard. Liked it. Blah. Whoooo!
Foster - Liked it. Blah.
Lucy Lawless - Yeah! Now we're talking! Xena's going to kick some celebrity ASS! Her song was beautiful and flawless. Just like her love for Gabrielle. Sigh.
When she introduced Kenny Loggins, she was more excited than most people are when he enters a room, but that's okay. There's a chakram with his name on it if he screws this up for her. But he didn't! This was the song of the night. Of the week. Of the season! Release it right now and it will go to number one in the charts!
Sorry. I'm still weeping from the beauty of it all. Even though they're daring to judge Xena, I guess we need to hear what they have to say. Judges?
Maria - Criticized Lucy for missing some words. Got a spinning kick to the head for it.
Little Richard - Ahhhhhh... Whoooo?
Foster - Not bad, but wasn't great. For that he gets a head butt to go along with the spinning kick!
To vote for Lucy, dial 1-866-90-DUET-7. That's 1-866-903-8387. I know it's well after the fact now, but if you ever invent a time machine, you'll be able to make up for it if you didn't vote for her on time.

***

Remember when I talked about time slots? Well, if you do then you've got a better memory than me. It's a new show, and it turns out it airs on consecutive nights. Yeah. I forgot. This means I have to go find out online who won. Even worse, I missed Lucy's fantastic Friday performance. How do I know it was fantastic if I didn't get to see it? I don't need to see it to know. Yeesh.
But still, what do you think YouTube was invented for? She rocked out to "Footloose" with Kenny Loggins, and threw in some dance moves too! By the way? This now makes her officially two degrees separated from Kevin Bacon. Or is that one? I never know if actually working with Bacon makes it zero degrees, or if that's the one degree.
Okay, I'm starting to turn into So You Think You Can Dance here. Enough with the filler. The second elimination is... Lea Thompson? You're kidding me? Before gymnast girl or Cheech?
Damn. Now we'll never get to see this.

Interview with Marcellas Reynolds - Big Brother: All-Stars

On Thursday, September 7, a couple of hours before Janelle was evicted from the Big Brother house, I was able to conduct an interview for AfterElton.com with Marcellas Reynolds by phone from the sequester house. There were restrictions with which questions I could ask, but we never even had time to get to all the questions I had. It was a great session and I'm a bigger fan of him now than I was before, and you know I was cheering for him to win, and if not win, at least get to the final two with Nakomis.
The interview was long, frankly too long for AfterElton, so you can read what they wanted by clicking here. I got permission to post everything else here, so read them both and enjoy!

***

Tabby Lavalamp: Hi, Marcellas, how are you?

Marcellas Reynolds: I'm fantastic! Beyond...

MR: Were you trying to get ahold of me last week?

TL: We did have an interview last week, but you know what happened last week. You had to move!

MR: [laughs] The hurricane! I was saying we can't leave until I do my interview!

TL: So how are you feeling? It's been a few weeks since your eviction.

MR: I'm good. I mean, I didn't have a good time on the show. For me it was, once I got kicked out of the house I was sort of happy to stay, happy to go, in a weird way. I just felt, good God, I'm glad I'm out of the house. Now this is done and it should be easy, breezy beautiful, now there shouldn't be any real beef because for me a lot of it was that it's just a game.
Intellectually coming in I knew people would get scumbagged, I knew it wasn't going to be a good game, I knew it wasn't going to be a nice game...

TL: But that's Big Brother though.

MR: That's Big Brother. Unfortunately for me the things that made me the most unhappy about the game weren't the lies and the cheating, it was the bad behaviour of the other House Guests.

TL: Oh, we're going to get to that in a bit...

MR: It was that kind of thing, so I'm out and I've been really good because I'm really accustomed to spending a lot of time alone from having been a model, and you travel so much and you live in hotels, and you don't really know anybody. Blah blah blah. So I'm good at managing my time alone and being really happy alone. I guess that's why I feel so good now, because it's good to be alone.

[At this point I asked Marcellas how alone he could be in the house, with more people arriving each week and them having had to move to a smaller house due to the hurricane. Because he's new to the whole sequester thing, not having had such a thing in his first season, he had to check with the production staff member what he could say concerning it. When he came back on, he asked me to ask which he prefers, season 3 or All-Stars.]

MR: I still don't believe that sequester is necessary [an argument he has made over two seasons of House Calls: The Big Brother Talk Show], I'll say that. After being in sequester, I don't think sequester is necessary. I think that if you're going to sequester the House Guests, you're need to completely keep them all separate. It has to be all or nothing, it can't be this middle ground where the contestants can still talk to each other.

TL: So a lot of the secrets do come out there then?

MR: You know what? I feel like I know more information now than I would have known if I was sitting at home watching it unfold. If I was watching it unfold, all I would have is the producer's storyline, the edited version of what they were trying to portray [Big Brother is available online to be watched via live feeds, but even those don't show everything due to which cameras are on whom, and are often blacked out for a number of reasons]. Every other person who comes through the door has a different take on a different thing, and had a different conversation that I may not have been privy to that otherwise I wouldn't necessarily know.

[Here we talk about “showmances”, most of which can be found in the AfterElton part of the interview, but this was left out...]

MR: Mike “Boogie” [Malin] and Will [Kirby], their strategy from season two, is the same strategy they're playing in All-Stars. Will's strategy in All-Stars was to lie to people's face. He said it in the Diary Room, he told people to their face in the show. He's done that this season. He's never really won anything and then he says that he' throwing competitions, and it's like okay, so how did your strategy change between seasons?

TL: One thing though that has changed and you know Will's there now, so it didn't work as well for him this year.

MR: It didn't work for him as well this season and I love that!

TL: It got him farther than anybody would have expected...

MR: And should have! You know, I feel that I was the town crier from day one, get rid of 'em!

TL: Everyone has made a big deal since season 3 [that Marcellas didn't use the Power of Veto on himself] and this year you didn't get a chance to redeem that by getting the Veto, but for four weeks Season Six ran the Head of Household room and every week you said “you have to get rid of Chill Town.”

MR: Can you tell me, and this is a rhetorical question so I don't expect an answer, why would you not, when somebody tells you they are coming after you, believe them? Don't go around them, don't try to weaken them, go right to them. It's like that competition I threw which I feel was my biggest mistake of the game, was handing Janelle [Pierzina] that competition and then she put up Erika [Landin] against Mike “Boogie” and then when Mike “Boogie” got out she didn't put Will up.
For me, if I had won that competition, if I hadn't pulled that punch because I was trying to go under the radar, if I had not given her that competition... And I was working under the assumption, because we had talked and she told me, that if she won HoH she was going to put up Will and Mike “Boogie”. We had an alliance, what I thought was really an alliance, and an agreement to go to the final two. Why would I not, at that point in the game, believe her when she says she's going to put up the two of them?
And she doesn't. She changes and puts up Erika. For me, right there is where I lost the game. If I had won that HoH, if I hadn't thrown it, if I hadn't pulled that punch... Remember, first question, I got it, the answer was “love”. Who do I send out? Mike “Boogie” Why do I send Mike “Boogie” out? Because Mike “Boogie” told people that he was coming after me and Janelle. If somebody is coming after you and they tell you to your face, believe it, and do it, get rid of them.
So now Mike “Boogie” is taken out of that HoH competition, that is irrevokable, he can not continue to play. Then Will is out and I throw the competition to Janelle, keeping the [Season Six alliance] in power, hoping that they step up to the plate and finally do what they should have done from week one but they refused to do.
We let people who didn't have the capacity to run the game, run the game and I always said that the longer Mike “Boogie” stays, the stronger he's going to get, and then he will then have the capacity to win, not win the game, but to at least win competitions.

TL: So there you go. If anyone ever brings up the Veto again, say that was one moment, not four weeks worth of mistakes. First Kaysar [Ridha] goes out, then Howie [Gordon] , then James [Rhine], and who outlasted them? You tried to tell them.

MR: And the thing that is the funniest about that is the overwhelming theme of this season for me is that people should have gone in trying to play different games than they did their season, but people played the exact same games they played their season and they made the exact same mistakes. As far as I know, Janelle asked Kaysar and Howie to play for Power of Veto for her the week that she was up. Kaysar turns it down and goes home. He did the same thing season six! It's like if you play for Veto and you win, you're immune. If Danielle [Reyes] and Erika and I are coming after the four, and Danielle is not going to put up Howie, James is already up, Janelle is already up, there is one person left from the four to go up. You have to protect yourself. Kaysar should have been out there playing for that Power of Veto like it was his life, and it was his life in that game... and he chose not to.

TL: I think Kaysar's biggest mistake was in his HoH, who did he go to, to make a deal? Did he go to the two people hanging after Alison [Irwin]'s vote out, Nakomis [Dedmon] and Diane [Henry]? He should have gone to them, made a deal with them, and gone after Chill Town. That would have made more sense.

MR: Absolutely! You know what? That's what happened with the four. By you not going after Will and Mike “Boogie”, and sort of throwing the rest of the house a bone, and by you going after two people who haven't even begun to play, you begin to make all the other people who haven't begun to play sort of look at you like, “Oh! You either have a deal with Mike 'Boogie' and Will or you're scared! And if you're scared, you're going to come after people who it doesn't matter if they go.”
And at that point there were still so many of us that it didn't matter if we win. “Chicken” George [Boswell] was that kind of player like “Well, I can put up 'Chicken' George and I'm not going to piss anybody off.” I was that kind of player where if you put me up, it would be like let's get rid of Marcellas because he has House Calls or he's successful outside of the show or because he's smart. You know what I mean? And I don't have like an obvious alliance in the house so it's not really going to piss anybody off.
So once he nominated those two players, it was like a wake up call for all of us. Oh, they're not going to do the right thing, they're going to stay in bed with Chill Town.

TL: You did have one alliance that you mentioned already with Janelle, that kind of seemed to go up and down to us. There were times you were sticking with it, there were times you were done with her. Do you think you have, if given the chance, booted her out or would you have stuck with that alliance to the end?

MR: Here's how I feel about it. The same reason I had to unload Jase [Wirey], because you know I had a deal with Jase to go to the final three, was because I couldn't trust Jase. Well, it became apparent that I couldn't trust Janelle, and so it fell like I had to unload her at certain points. But unfortunately, I couldn't unload Janelle because I never really had the numbers or never really did anything directly that I could have unloaded Janelle, so I needed other people to unload Janelle for me.
It was the same way when James put up Jase, it was perfect, James is unloading Jase for me. Now I needed to find somebody else to unload Janelle. But I still had to hedge my bets with Janelle and go, listen, if you get nominated I'm not going to vote against you. Yeah, I'll play for the Golden Veto for you and I'll use if on you if I win it, to allow her to think our deal was still in place.
Janelle definitely wanted to unload me at certain points. The girl was overextended, and that's part of having a deal in this game. The deals only work as long as they work. There was a moment of desperation that I had when Janelle won that, at this point I think it's her third HoH, and I realized, and this was after Kaysar had left, that I realized we're not going to stay in power, she's not going to go, I have to go upstairs and I have to plead for my life. And how do I plead for my life in the game? I have to make her believe that I think the deal was still in place and what I did to Kaysar, or what I hoped to do to Kaysar, was necessary. Because remember, as far back as week one Janelle and I had a deal to go to the final two, and I said to her, “You can't get pissed off at me if I get rid of Howie and Kaysar. They have to go.”

[In the AfterElton part of the interview, I asked about if he'd do anything different and he talked about being able to beat Janelle at the end. Here's where he explains where is thinking is and frankly, I agree.]

MR: With her nominating Diane and Erika and kicking Diane out, with that botched HoH competition [technical difficulties in the competition forced it to be replayed, and the first time around Janelle lost not because of the technical problem but because she got an answer legitimately wrong, as did Dr. Will, and both of them played again the second time around and Janelle won] and the ill will that created and this feeling of bias everybody in the house had towards the four...
I'd have conversations in the Red Room with Erika, George, and Danielle, and we would all say the same thing, “I will never vote for her at the end.” And the moment that sentiment started to sweep through the house, that was like, I'm keeping her in! Because if I took her to the end, I could beat her! Winning Big Brother isn't about getting to the end with someone that could beat you. That's why when people say that Danielle was this ultimate player, the biggest flaw in her game was the most obvious flaw in anyone's game, you don't go to the end with somebody that could win, you go to the end with somebody that could lose. The worse Janelle began to play, the better it was for me. So when I tried to pick that deal back up, I meant it. I was like, that's cool. Make as many mistakes and be as sloppy as you want, because it just makes me look better if I'm sitting next to you at the end.

TL: You mentioned Danielle. How does it feel to get past what you had from season three, get past those issues? [Marcellas had an alliance with her, it was his first season, and felt very betrayed when she turned on him.]

MR: You know what what I said to Julie [Chen, host of Big Brother] was probably the truest statement that I said the entire season. I am free. I have had this love/hate relationship with Danielle for four years. You know, part of the reason I had that relationship was because I really like Danielle as a person. Danielle and I, because we are both black and because of the way we were raised, have a shared reality that I have had with very few people. So every interaction that I have with Danielle, I felt was a real interaction. When I looked at Danielle, I saw my mother, I saw my sister, I saw my girls from growing up, and you know they were my familiars, so when I found out through her actions that she didn't feel the same way I felt, I was devastated. It caused me not to trust other people.
That was the biggest thing for me, was having gone through my entire adult life, I've traveled and lived on my own, and basically been working and living on my own since I was 16-years-old, and thinking that I was street smart and smart enough to see people, to now have this tangible reason to not be able to trust people. Danielle stole my trust, season three, and that's something that took me a really long time to get back.
But to go into the house this season and actually feel the same way about her and actually sort of trust her was freeing.
You know what? Let me flip it. Danielle was to me, my week that I was evicted, Danielle was the lynch pin of me staying. She's in the Legion of Doom, which is this thing with Will and Mike “Boogie”, and Howie and James. She has a lot of power, Danielle the power again to keep me in the game. And what does she do? She takes me out of the game. Danielle told me so many times that she was going to vote to keep me. Janelle is under the assumption that her two people, Howie and James, are going to vote for me to stay, I'm under the assumption that they're going to follow suit with what Janelle tells them to do... James has told me that he's voting for me to stay, but he's telling Erika that he's voting for her because he doesn't want her to be upset. I've had James' back up to that point in the show... I've kinda had no reason to believe that that wasn't going to happen.
But then I know the power that Mike “Boogie” and Will have, that Chill Town has over people to change their minds through lies, manipulation, and deception and through charm. These are two very charming men. So I know that I am in danger. I'm smart enough to know that I'm really, really, really in danger. It's like I told Janelle when she first came to me in the Ant Room, when she first said, “I'm going to have to put you up,” I said, no, do not do it. If you put me up, I will go. And then I looked her in the face and I said I would never do that to you. I had no qualms with voting against Janelle, but I would have never put her up.
Even that week it all came down to people believing whether I was going to put Janelle up or not, and me saying, yes, I will put her up. I wasn't going to put her up, I wanted to keep her in the game because I could beat her at the end but I had to say I'm going to put you up because Mike “Boogie” and Will wanted to know that I would put her up and not come after them. Danielle and Erika wanted to believe that I would put her up and not go after them. James was trying to unload Janelle and wanted to believe that if I won HoH I would put her up. You know, I think that at the end of the day I think they knew I wasn't going to put her up so it was like he's gotta go.
And I wouldn't have put her up, I would have gone after Chill Town, I was focused from day one on getting rid of them. Yeah, I could have gone to Mike “Boogie” and Will and try to cut a deal with them, and there were times that I did – and let me be honest, on the outside I'm friends with them, they are my peers... They are two liars, and a liar is going to lie, there was no way I felt that I could ever enter into a deal with them because I knew that if the deal went south, they would throw me under the bus, or the train, or the car, put your automobile in the blank, before they threw each other in.
Now if one of them had gone, I would have tried to scoop up the other one, definitely. But the problem with having a deal with them is that they will always put themselves first. You can't be in a deal with them, you can't be the third person in the alliance.

[Read the AfterElton interview if you want to see what Marcellas has to say about Howie and some of the other men in the house, but what's left out is where he says Jase is his friend, and his choices as potential replacements for him on House Calls would be Jase or James.]

TL: On your House Calls when you appeared this season you were such a natural. You fit in so well! You took over. It was your show again and you were interviewing Jase... It was great!

MR: You know one of the producers of Big Brother said it was literally like you and Gretchen again and Jase was being interviewed, and you know that makes me feel awesome, that makes me feel amazing, and I'm just happy about that because of course I was worried that whoever got House Calls after me would do it better! [Laughs] Or that Gretchen would have chemistry with somebody else and I would be replaced or whatever, but from everything I've heard that didn't happen. [Laughs] I'm happy!

TL: As a Big Brother fan, what do you think was done right this season and what do you think was done wrong?

MR: God, I'm still so mired in the whole thing and for me I'm just incredibly disappointed with how the game played out. I think putting Mike “Boogie” in the house was amazing. I think that he emerged as something I didn't see season two and I did not think he would become All-Stars. He really actually proved that he is an All-Star.
I think that there is no way in the world that [executive producers Arnold] Shapiro/[Allison] Grodner should have allowed four people from an alliance as popular and as current as the Sovereign Six to go into the house together. I think that was just an unfair advantage for them, it was a hurdle for the rest of us to have to... it wasn't even a hurdle, that was just a mountain we could not climb. They could have shortlisted the four better than they... there didn't have to be five people from season six that could go into the house. You could have picked three people from season six and that was it and then picked other people from other seasons in the pool. Or you could have mixed it up again. It didn't have to be four people that were in an alliance. It could have been two people from the Nerd Herd [the Friendship alliance in season six] and three people from the Sovereign Six, you know, it could have been that way. It didn't have to be four people that we knew were together.

TL: Who would you have liked to have seen from season six other than who was in the house?

MR: You know, I'm going to say something and this is very important. Having been the host of House Calls and now having lived with four of the six, I feel that I owe some people from season six apologies. The one person I feel I owe an apology more than anyone is April [Lewis]. April had some bad moments in the house, you know when she was doing “fuck America” and all that bad talking she did, she deserved what she got. You know I was not a fan of the Nerd Herd, or as I called them, the Fiendsheep. But for April to come back into the house and to be in that competition, I thought showed an amazing amount of courage after having been berated so badly by Howie and after having not been received well by the public. She could have very easily been like, “Absolutely not!” But instead she came in... Like she says Mike “Boogie” calls her “Busto”! Mike “Boogie” is someone that she's never even met before and calls her “Busto” because of Howie and she turns to him and says “Mike 'Boogie', I can't believe you'd say something mean to me. You don't even know me.” I have to give her props for that because one of the best episodes of House Calls was when Gretchen [Massey] and I did the “Busto” thing and I was “Barely 40” and I could barely speak from laughing and I fell out of the chair and we were naming the porn magazines that we thought she should be in... I feel that I had crossed the line there. I crossed into that whole, like, I'm going to bash her too mentality. And after she came back and showed so much class this season by coming back and by being nice, you know now I feel like, you know what, maybe now I understand better why you were so the way you were for a season.

TL: Not just April, but “Cappy” Eric [Littman]... He made an appearance and you know what? I actually liked what I saw of him.

MR: Absolutely. If you didn't have a good time, the last thing you want to do is revisit it. If you weren't well-liked by the public, it's certainly the last thing you want to do is revisit it. For those people to come back and to want to be a part of it... As far as I know, or just from having dealt with people in this business, I don't think they got paid to come back. Yeah, it's a free trip, but I'm sure they didn't line their pockets. It wasn't like it's a special guest appearance, here's fifteen hundred bucks... These people came back because they wanted to. They took time out of their lives and came back for whatever reasons. Show them some respect.

TL: I know exactly what you're saying about April, because last season I was like that too. I was into the whole “Maggot” and all that, but I didn't like where that was taking me. But Ivette [Corredero, the first out lesbian to ever compete on Big Brother] , after last season ended she didn't hide. She came out there and she said, “Bring it on!” She turned me into a fan.

MR: And you know what? She took her lumps. She took her lumps but she stood there and she took it like a woman.

TL: Before the show started when they were casting who would be going in the house, you didn't think anyone from season one should be going in [as it was a much different show then, and the audience voted the House Guests out]. “Chicken” George was put in as a producer's choice to be representing the season. What do you think of him now?

MR: I'll say this about “Chicken” George... Talk about somebody getting through the game without knowing what the hell was going on. But it was perfect because in this season where all of the major players, all the people who should know better overplayed the game. This is somebody who underplayed the game and got amazingly far, and bravo for him. There are very few people that I will probably ever talk to again when this is over, but “Chicken” George is cool with me. You can't say that man did anything mean or didn't try. He was kind, and he was nice! And there's a lot to be said for somebody who has those qualities. Now I appreciate that so much more than these big personalities... He was a kind man, and to be able to say that about somebody is amazing.

TL: And one HoH and one PoV!

MR: Exactly! He stepped up to the plate when he had to! He won that Power of Veto! Everybody in the house was against him, he stepped up to the plate and did what he had to do. And he won an HoH, how stunning was that? He wins the HoH the night that I leave. You know what? He won one Power of Veto and one HoH more than I did!

TL: He was doing great, and he did so much of it on slop [a bland, watery oatmeal-like food to replace the Big Brother staple of peanut butter and jelly this season].

[Here we talk about slop for a bit.]

MR: I'll tell you something else about sequester that you might not know... I actually got sick in Mexico. I got very sick in Mexico. Right now I'm on two antibiotics, I'm on an anti-inflammatory, I'm on an antihistamine. I think that I actually got sick in the house and carried that with me to Mexico.
[Read AfterElton for what's missing here.] I thought this game is rough enough with us killing each other and lying to each other and being mean to each other, the last thing we need is Big Brother making it that much more difficult for us. So for me it was like, not eating that slop that was so unappealing and was giving people stomach problems – everybody was farting and everybody was going to the bathroom – not eating slop was me taking a stand and going you know what? I'm sure that when you thought it up it was a great idea and it was funny, let's put them on slop, but you know what? It wasn't a good idea. Change it. Give us the option of eating slop and peanut butter and jelly.
So it wasn't me being a diva, it was me taking a stand. This game is hard enough and being away from my life is hard enough, and you think that this is funny and you think that this is okay? Well, it's not. If it means that I have to fall down and faint before you decide that this wasn't a good idea, then I'll do that.
[More slop talk in the other part of the interview...]

TL: It was that awful, huh?

MR: I never really had it in any incarnation that I could actually stomach. Actually, Will made it one time and he made it like a cookie, but he loaded it with brown sugar and with syrup then he baked it, you know he did so much to it that that was the one time I could eat it, and then he could never get the recipe right again. But nobody could come up with a way to eat it that was edible!

[And the rest can be found at http://www.afterelton.com]

Celebrity Duets - Aired Aug. 29 - Full Recap

After giving up on Big Brother, and every other show Realivision has been covering this summer being over for the season, I thought there would be nothing to tide me over until the fall shows debut, but I was wrong! It doesn't happen very often, but on this rare occasion of wrongness it was nice to be so pleasantly wrong. Yes, I discovered Celebrity Duets!
The premise of the show is that eight celebrities compete against each other in a singing contest with a twist. Every song, as the title says, is a duet, and the duets are with famous singers. Sometimes even legendary. Don't be surprised to see that word tossed around a lot here.
I do have a problem with this being labelled a "reality" show, just as I have the same issue with that phrase being attached to American Idol, Canadian Idol, or So You Think You Can Dance. These aren't reality shows, they're talent shows. But because everyone's calling it a reality show, it falls in Realivision's pervue so that's not so bad.
The host of the show is Wayne Brady, which is fantastic because not only could he sing if he has to, he can be seriously off-the-cuff funny, if a little constrained by a Fox primetime show that's family friendly.
As is the case with these shows, there is a panel of three judges. There are always three judges. It's Monty Python's Celebrity Duets. "First shalt thou estabish the reality premise. Then shalt thou hire three judges, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt hire, and the number of the hiring shall be three. Four shalt thou not hire, neither hire thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then haveth thou thy contestants, who, being some worst than others, shall have their dreams crushed by the judges three."
The judges are Marie Osmond who, while maybe not a legend, has had a successful career and has sung her fair share of duets, Little Richard, a legend in music by almost any standard, and David Foster, one of the most successful music producers ever - maybe even a legend. Right now this seems like an excellent panel. Right now.
As the audience, we're not going to know who the famous singers for the episode are until each celebrity introduces them. Oooh, suspenseful!
Okay, that's all out of the way, let's get to the competition...
Lucy Lawless - If there's no other reason to watch this show, Lucy Lawless is on! I'm a bit of a... Oh, hell, I'm a huge Xena geek! There is going to be no lack of bias here, Realivision is 100% behind Lucy to win this thing. There was an episode of Xena called The Bitter Suite (the pictures above are screenshots (yes, I have it on DVD)) where Lucy showed she has the pipes to do this. Sure, it was all recorded in the studio and here she has to sing live, but that doesn't matter. Xena kicks ass in everything she does.
Yeah, I know she also kicked ass as Maddy Rierdon in the movies Locusts and Vampire Bats, but damn it, Xena was historic television.
She came out and her voice was pure magic. She was singing away then introduced her partner, Michael Bolton. It's easy to take cheap shots at Bolton, and hoo boy am I tempted, but the man can sing so we'll let him be. Besides, if he screws Xena over he could well be looking at a chakram to the back of the head.
There wasn't a whole heck of a lot of chemistry here. Bolton is no Gabrielle. And Lucy didn't have a big fight with him that ended up with her trying to kill him then the two of them having to get through the pain and hurt and come together again. Go back to Gabrielle, Xena! She's your lobster!
After the performance, Wayne talked to Bolton about how Lucy was, and he said she was great. He was then sent off, so it looks like the professional singers don't really stay around for the judging.
Marie thought she was fantastic, but thought Xena could relate a little more with her partner.
Little Richard liked her, but thought she could project a little bit more. He also didn't make much sense in a couple of places, perhaps showing his age a little more in his speech than in his appearance (he is 73, after all).
Foster said she couldn't have picked a better song for herself, she did great.
Damn it though, the whole show isn't just about her. Let's take a look at the soon-to-be also-rans...
Alfonso Ribeiro - Oh, Carlton from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, or his greatest role, Alfonso on Silver Spoons. The man is obviously in very good shape, you can tell if it's fat or muscle even if someone is dressed, but when did his face get so big and round? I actually found it quite distracting, because it seems strange to gain weight in his face like that while the rest of him is muscle.
That aside, he can certainly sing. He did very well, and his partner was Not Beyonce, er, the scarily skinny Michelle Williams from Destiny's Child. They didn't set the house on fire, but Alfonso and Not Beyonce sang well together.
After the song, Wayne came out and gave Not Beyonce a sandwich and asked if Alfonso could be in Destiny's Child, could he be Destiny's Man Child? She didn't think he could pull off the stilettos that they normally need to rock in. She was then sent off, where she got together with Lara Flynn Boyle, Nicole Ritchie, and Calista Flockhart to see if they could all stand on a scale together and make the needle move.
Marie liked it, said that's what you call a duet and thought he set the bar for the rest of the evening.
Little Richard let us know that Alfonso used to dance for his show, and he loved the performance.
Foster wanted to hate him, didn't know what he would be able to bring, but said he really could sing and couldn't wait to see what he does next.
Carly Patterson - I think I may have heard her name before, but I don't follow gymnastics, and when the Olympics are on I'm more concerned with how the Canadians are doing.
Ca-Na-Da! Ca-Na-Da! Ca-Na-Da!
Where were we? Oh yeah, gymnast girl. Carly started singing "Somewhere Out There", then introduced James Ingram. We're not here to judge the professionals, but dang, he can sing. Her, not so much. So far she's got the weakest voice yet talentwise, though she could get volume even if she was wavery.
After the song, James told Wayne that Carly had a good, strong work ethic in rehearsal.
Marie thought for all the people performing tonight, this would be the most alien experience for Carly. She wanted her to relax, work on her breathing, and yes, singing a first duet with James Ingram can be intimidating. David Foster started to say something, and Marie said, "I'm busy!" Ah, judge squabbles!
Little Richard thought she started out slow, but saw her confidence build when James came out.
Foster said he told her in the hall to imagine everyone naked, and she admitted to following the advice. He didn't think she did great this time around, but sees the ability to improve dramatically throughout the competition in her. And it turns out that just like the Oscars, when people start talking too long music is cued to let them know it's time to shut up.
Cheech Marin - Must... resist... pot... jokes... Too be blunt, when it comes time to weed out the weaker singers you can huff and puff all you want, Cheech didn't have a great voice and that's no toke... Joke! I mean joke! His partner was Peter Frampton, the first same-sex pairing of the night and that usually calls for a different kind of chemistry that the romantic duets, though that would rock if they tried to pull it off on this show. Especially if they got Renee O'Connor to come sing with Lucy. Xena and Gabrielle, together again. Sigh...
Wayne asked Frampton how Cheech compares to David Bowie, to which Frampton drew in a long, slow breath, held it, then exhaled and said that Cheech has the good stuff, man. No, he just joked around how Cheech taugh Bowie a few licks they used on the Glass Spider Tour.
Marie loves Cheech and loves that he's here doing this, but thinks he needs to watch his phrasing and relating to his partner.
Little Richard didn't know that Cheech sings, and didn't think Cheech knew it either.
Foster didn't think Cheech is the greatest singer in the world, but he puts a smile on his face.
Lea Thompson - I recently got the Back to the Future Trilogy on DVD, and I was wondering what Lea was up to lately, so it was a pleasant surprise to see her on this show.
She started to sing a country song, then introduced her partner, Randy Travis. There's a bit of a pattern here, and if you know who originally had hits with these songs you might be able to guess who the partners are before they appear.
They did really well together. For a partnership that meshed, this was my favourite so far. She can really sing.
Randy thought Lea was really impressive in rehearsal, that she came in knowing everything she needed to know.
Marie thought Lea was going in and out of the harmony, but sounds great.
Little Richard loves country music, and he thought it was fantastic.
Foster loved that she was the first to come out and actually sing harmony, and looked like she was really singing a duet.
Jai Rodriguez - They used to air Queer Eye for the Straight Guy on a local broadcast channel and it's a fun show. But it was always Kyan Douglas I wished was straight.
Damn it, the man can sing! Lucy has herself some competition. It didn't help that his partner was Gladys Knight, who has an amazing voice. They were wonderful together, making this the couple to beat.
Gladys said that Jai was born to do this, and told him to use his gift.
Marie loved him.
Little Richard loved him.
Foster loved him.
Chris Jericho - Want to hear a dirty little secret? I watch the WWE. It's men in tights jumping around! I'm very lonely, so just keep your judging to yourself. Anyway, because of this I'm familiar with the Ayatollah of Rock'n'Rolla, and he's also the only Canadian on the show, so I have to cheer him on to a solid second place finish. If it weren't for Xena, I'd cheer him on to win, but come on. Xena. Yes, I'm obsessing. Get over it.
His partner was Lee Ann Womack, giving us our second country song of the night. Jericho normally sings heavy metal, so this was a different style for him and I thought he was trying too hard to stay on tune and not hard enough to put some passion into the song. It was also quite awkward as he was trying to make it look romantic, but couldn't quite decide whether or not to touch Womack on the arm. Not a good performance, but not the worst of the night.
Wayne asked Womack if she thinks that country music is right for Jericho, and she said he could do whatever he wants, he seems like the type of guy who figures out what he wants and goes for it.
Marie thinks Jericho is very cute, but wants him to watch the pitch.
Little Richard didn't expect that song from him, and thought it was alright.
Foster thought it was okay, it was too soft, and Jericho has to give more in the next song.
Hal Sparks - When I heard his name, only one thought came to mind... Who? I have no idea who this man is. His voice was a little wavery at first, he seemed to be singing in too high a register for his voice. Then he introduced his legendary partner, Smokey Robinson. Damn. Say what you want about shows like this, but these professional partners they're getting are nothing to sneeze at. They worked well together, and this Al Smarks guy should get fairly far.
Wayne asked Smokey how he though Alf did, and he said, "He did it!"
Marie thought Sal looked like he was having fun, but it was in the wrong key for him.
Little Richard thought he did a fantastic job. It was high, but everything Smokey does is high.
Foster isn't sure about him yet. I don't know if he's not sure of him as a singer, or if he's not sure if Earl is just some guy who walked in off the street and said he's a "celebrity". He didn't care for the falsetto and wants to see what his next song is.
So that was the first part of the show. Each celebrity and Ham Stark would now get to sing again, and at the end of the night one of them would be going home.
Lea Thompson - This time around the professionals start the singing, so it's nice to see things get mixed up. This is a much better song for Lea than her last one, and she did very well with Bolton. A great fit for both of them.
Marie agrees with me, and thought this was a thousand times better, and this music is a better genre for Lea than country is.
Little Richard actually liked the other one better, but this was nice.
Foster didn't want to agree with Marie, but has to. He said Lea really delivered the song.
Carly Patterson - Her partner this round is Lee Ann Womack, and Carly is the opposite of Lea in that country is a better fit for her, but her voice still seemed a little bit lacking to me even though she seemed a lot more confident and relaxed this time.
Marie agreed that it was much better, but she warned her to listen to the pitch.
Little Richard also thought she was much better this time.
Foster really thinks she belongs with country music.
Alfonso Ribeiro - His partner was James Ingram, and this song really worked for his voice. I've really got nothing more to say here than very good job, Carlton.
Marie thinks that if he keeps it up, he'll be there at the end of the show. She also said she really likes this show, but that's got nothing to do with Alfonso's performance. Stick to the performance, Osmond!
Little Richard thinks he's got what it takes and it takes what he's got. He loves him and wants to see him do the Carlton dance. Alfonso promised us if he makes it to the final, we'll see that dance.
Foster thought he was singing a little out of tune, but has ability.
Chris Jericho - This time around he's teamed up with Peter Frampton, and this song is so much better for him. It's not quite a rock and roll song, but it's a faster song and he's able to rock it out. Jericho also uses more of the set and does a little run behind the judges at the end. This is a much better performance than earlier and should be enough to keep him in.
Marie agrees it was much better, but he needs to watch pitch.
Little Richard was left a little speechless, and "Signed, sealed, delivered... I'm yours!" Good job!
Foster said he asked him to step it up, and he really stepped it up. He said Jericho should be fronting a rock band somewhere.
Xena - Musical Princess - Wow! Lucy was paired with Smokey, and this song was smoking and smouldering. So far every celebrity has really stepped it up for their second performance, which is great to see. Damn, this was a nice duet.
Marie said everyone just watched her sing every note, and she loved that her voice changed for the song. If anyone was listening to the song, she is that beautiful.
Little Richard said it made his big toe shoot up in his boot. He just loved it, she had it going on.
Foster thought it was sexy as hell, so he really enjoyed it.
Chris Jericho - What the hell? Someone at the broadcaster screwed up and showed the exact same segment as the last one we just saw. I kept waiting to see if they'd catch the mistake, but from commercial to commercial, it played all the way through. So who did we miss? Well, let's see who else we see...
Who's this? - Oh yeah, it's that Joe Starks guy. He was singing "Heard it Through the Grapevine" with Gladys Knight, and while he paled in comparison, he still did a good job. He'll make it through tonight.
Marie... Yes, Marie Osmond, the good Mormon girl from Utah who was a little bit country, thought Pal was a little bit "white". It's a funky song, and he needs to sit on the beat a little more.
Little Richard rambled, but I did understand when he said to keep it up.
Foster said that if he keeps singing like that, he'll make him a believer.
Cheech Marin - Paired with Randy Travis, yet again we get a style that's a better fit for the celebrity singing it. I liked this much better than Cheech's last outing, but really at the end of this episode it should be down to him or Carly.
Marie would like to see him smile a little bit more when he's singing.
Little Richard made no sense.
Foster said he would probably not produce and sign him, that he's probably not going to win the competition, but he's probably not going home tonight. Poor Carly.
Jai Rodriguez - Strange. I guess despite the screw up, we're still going to see all the performances, and it's not running over the two hours. I have no idea how they worked that out.
So Jai sings the Destiny's Child song "Say My Name" with Not Beyonce - okay, she was nice so I'll be nice and say her name - with Michelle Williams. Jai put two strong performances together in a row, so he may be tough to beat in this series.
Marie loved everything.
Little Richard loved everything.
Foster loved everything and said that Jai's leading the pack.
So that's it for the competition part. Now it's time to send somebody home. For this premiere episode, the judges would be doing the cutting but after this it's all about the, ugh, audience voting. Not you who are reading this. You rock and would base your votes purely on talent or because Xena kicks butt. I'm talking about people who would vote to carry Master P through week after week on Dancing With the Stars (season three starting soon!) despite his massive suckage as a dancer. I'm not a fan of audience voting. There's a reason we're no longer voting to evict people on Big Brother.
Moving on to the next episode...
Jai.
Cheech.
Lea.
Alfonso.
Lucy.
Some guy I've never heard of.
It's down to Carly and Jericho. Come on, Carly has to go! Let us Jericho-holics have our man for another week! But no! NO! Chris Jericho, the first ever undisputed World Heavyweight Wrestling Champion is going home! No!
As long as Lucy is around though, all is good.

Last Comic Standing - Aired Aug. 9 - Commentary

Here's the thing - I lost this episode. Back when everything was piling up, I had a pile of tapes, some with one show, others another, and some with more than one. Somewhere on one of those tapes lays, or should lay. I know I did record it. Should I get with the times and buy a DVR? Maybe, but I don't know if there is one that could store my backlog of Days of Our Lives plus record all the shows I need to cover. Damn, I'm behind on Days. I really should try to catch up.
Then I realized something... What is there to recap for the finale of Last Comic Standing anyway? We'd get a look at the journey the final two have taken, maybe some conversations with the competitors, there would be several performances (I know the previous three winners were scheduled to perform), and host Anthony Clark would be delightfully awkward, particularly with the inevitable fake-out that we will find out the winner... right after this break.
While there would be lots of laughs over the course of the show, John Heffron and Alonzo Bodden are worthy winners and fine comedians, that's hard to recap so all you'd get is my opinion on each set.
And it was a 90 minute show! That's a lot of filler!
So what I'm going to do instead of recap is give my opinion on what I think of the show in general. Besides, why take the risk that I might see a Rebecca Corry performance or Joey Gay being Joey Gay?
I like Last Comic Standing. I wouldn't have watched this season if I didn't. I also like that they have part of it in the house and we get to see the interaction of the comedians stuck together. However, and this was the biggest complaint against the show this year, it seemed like the producers were more interested in casting for the house (or the ship, as was the case this time around) than they were the most talented comics.
What was the point? Most of the friction was caused by Stella, and she was unfunny enough that she was gone the first week of competition. They tried to cover their butts by talking about how everyone has different tastes in comedy, but that arguement doesn't fly when the consensus that the funniest comics didn't make it on the show is so overwhelming.
I do like the house though. Making the contestants decide who has to joke for their life and have that person is a fun concept. It may not have worked out too well this year with all the tied votes, but it's still a good idea. A lot of people want to see this part of the show dropped and just have the competitions, but look how well that worked out in season three. Of course it didn't help that season three was held right after season two and pitted the comics from that year against season one. Season one never had a chance with the audience votes. And you thought Big Brother fans only cared about who they've seen most recently.
The only big problem with Last Comic Standing that can't be fixed is how it's skewed to favour certain types of comedians. Bill Cosby and Bob Newhart are in the pantheon of stand-up gods, and both are very, very funny men. I've had the good fortune to have seen Bill Cosby perform live twice, and trust me, he's a comic genius. I missed Bob Newhart's swing through town though and I hope I don't live to regret that.
However, as good as these two legends are, they would get creamed on LCS. They both have (different) story-telling styles that wouldn't translate well to the limited time frames necessary in the Last Comic Standing format.
This show works best for comedians who can get a lot of laughs in a short set. Howie Mandel (whom I've also seen live twice and killed each time) in his prime would have done well. As would Robin Williams. George Carlin had the ability. Richard Pryor would have done very well.
I went to see Gilbert Gottfried live a couple of months ago, and the least popular warm-up comedian was the one who took the longest to set up his laughs. I appreciated his work, even though he didn't have quite the storytelling ability of Bill Cosby. He wouldn't have lasted long on LCS.
Unfortunately this is an unavoidable evil in the time LCS has to present the comedians to us. I still like the concept of the show anyway.
It would seem my commentaries are a lot less funny than my recaps. Somehow, that seems fitting for this season of Last Comic Standing.
As for the winner, I didn't know who it was until just now when I went to check out NBC.com. Congratulations, Josh Blue! I can't really say it was a surprise, he is a darned good comic.
Now if only I could be a darned good labeler of video tapes.

So You Think You Can Dance - Aired Aug. 16 - Full Recap

The competition is over, the votes are in, it's time to crown the dancing champion. An event that only needs a couple of minutes in a two hour show. I'm not going to say there will be a lot of filler, but... Heck, okay. There's going to be a lot of filler. Pretty much nothing but filler and commercials. Hopefully there won't be any guest singers. Just give us two hours of dance.
Because it's just filler and no competition, I'm going to do this unlike any of my other Dance recaps. I'm going to watch for the first time from my computer, so you're going to get my immediate reactions like, "What the hell is Dmitry wearing?" Yes, I expect to see everyone back.
It's nice to see Cat Deely go back to a good animal-themed dress with a sparkly purple leopard print. Never mind that it encourages the poaching of sparkly purple leopards, CAT!
We were just reintroduced to the top twenty. It was nice seeing Jeyahemms again. Oh boy, you have no idea how nice it was to see Jasmysm again! There hasn't been nearly enough to snark at since he was voted off the stage. I missed you, Jynms!
Oh look! There are Stanislav and Erin! I know, I forgot about them too. I do remember Ivan should have gone before Stanislav though.
When the final four are introduced, they all do a little something for the camera except, it seems, Donyelle. Is she tired? Resigned to possibly not winning? Don't give up yet, Donyelle! I would have voted for you if I watched the show live and took time to vote!
As the dancers leave and Cat comes on stage, she keeps calling them her "babies". You think it's just a colloquialism, but we've seen enough awkward flirting between her and Nigel Lythgoe that we should be wondering what kind of twisted dance-related experiments they get up to in their secret lab.
It's a special night with no actual judging involved, so we get treated to six, yes SIX judges! Six judges on a competitive reality show panel? That's twice the recommended dosage! Are they MAD?!?!
Straining the judging dais under their collective weight are the aforementioned Nigel "I'd Do Cat In Our Secret Lab" Lythgoe, Mary "You Don't Want To Hear Me Scream In Bed" Murphy, Brian "I'd Do Nigel In His Secret Lab" Friedman, Shane "I Don't Have A Nickname" Sparks, Mia "Feel My Art Wash Over Your Dark Souls And Lead You To The Light Of Dance Where We Shall Be Forevermore Free From The Shackles Of Mediocre Disco [edited for brevity]" Michaels, and Dan "Kung-Fu" Karaty.
After the introductions, Cat reminds us of the prize for the winner. A one year contract with Las Vegas' biggest show, Celine Dion's "A New Day", then to counteract that crushing disappointment and help people want to win, a hybrid SUV (what kind of competitive reality show doesn't do a product placement here?), $100,000 U.S. funds, a hickey from Mary Murphy, and the title of America's Favourite Dancer, screwing the late, great Gregory Hines over royally.
We then go to a recap of the previous week, as well as some back stage footage of that night being IT! Oh, and reactions to the judges reactions. That's always fun. That sounds sarcastic, but it's not. I really mean it. I really do.
At this point we get our first dance of what I hope is many, and it's another great Shane Sparks routine featuring all twenty dancers with music from the "hit movie", Step Up. It's an enjoyable, high energy number. If the whole show now is nothing but dance, that would be great! It would also be too much to hope for.
Okay, we just learned that the top four will be performing their favourite dances of the season. Yay! And there are peformances by Fergie (I know who she is) and Ciara (not so much, but enough that I knew how to spelle her name, Sierra). Meh. Look, it was even in the first paragraph. A wish, a desire for no guest singers.
Back from the commercials Cat does a little horn tootin' as she lets us know So You Think You Can Dance was the number one show of the summer (you know I'm looking at you, Big Brother: All-Stars) and that their 35 city tour is virtually sold out, proving that dance fever has taken over the United States. And it's not just America! We got to see versions of the show in several other countries, which is pretty damned cool to see. There were glimpses of some great dancers, and it would be nice to see a special episode showing the best of the dances from these other countries. One interesting thing in Turkey is that the show is hosted by a man in drag. What, the American version isn't? I kid, Cat! You're just tall, but you're all woman, and doesn't Nigel know it!
Now we get to start seeing the finalists perform their favourite routines. Up first is Benji who had a tough choice between dances and more importantly, partners. So for once last time, names in bolded text.
Benji and Heidi (Mambo) - Aaaaaah, dancing bliss! This was great! There were some moves I don't remember from the first time around, which is great if they try different things. It's time for them to relax now and just really enjoy the dance. It came across, and they even got a standing ovation from the judges. One thing I was thinking is that Heidi will now be in at least two dances. It'll be interesting to see who the other three choose, and so who gets to dance the most.
Heidi and Travis (Contemporary) - Heidi chose the routine they did with the bench, which was one of the highlights of the season but still a surprising choice. Why? Because the first time around it seemed designed more to show Travis' strengths as a contemporary dancer and Heidi's weaknesses. Her best non-ballroom dance of the season was the African-infused pop routine with Travis on August 2nd. She did really well in this contemporary, and they too got a standing O from the judges, but damn, I would have loved to see that pop routine again. This one may have been the real start of her growth outside her comfort zone, but the pop was where she really came into her own.
Also getting to choose dances this night, as well as dancers, are the judges. Mary wanted to see a couple who had sparks on stage and off, but has never danced together.
Natalie and Dmitry - Sparks off stage? Does Musa know this? Not that it matters, because they did a heck of a sexy Latin routine. Other than the two singers, this also means we get a lot more dance.
Mary loved it, gave us a scream, and then the back patting kicked into high gear as Nigel talked about the success of the show and the upcoming tour, how dance is becoming more popular, he then thanked the choreographers and told Cat that they have more "babies" to make after the show.
Nigel mentioned the box office motion picture sensation, Step Up, and that let to a song from the movie, "Get Up" by Ciara. It's alright, I guess. I'm still going to fast forward.
Donyelle and Benji (Broadway) - Ah, this was a fun, very high energy dance! It was also the least flattering dress Donyelle had to wear all season, but it's good that she looked at the routine she enjoyed most and not the costume. For those keeping count at home, that's now two dances for Heidi, two for Benji, Travis will have had two when he makes his choice, so I'm wondering if he's going to pick a dance with Donyelle so they all get equal stage time. I will also stop mentioning standing ovations from the judges, because it looks like everyone's going to get one.
Mia got to give her choice for a dance and dancers now, and she went with one that she didn't get to see live the first time but when she watched from home it was one of the two times she's cried this season.
Allison and Ivan - I wasn't an Ivan fan, but there were a couple of times he impress the hell out of me and this contemporary routine with Allison was one of them. It was nice to see it again.
Oooh! Dancing With the Stars starts September 12th! Thank you, commercials! Survivor starts September 14th, and The Amazing Race on September 17th. Staggering the shows! Yes!
The top twenty dancers danced together one final time in a frickin' great vampire/zombie/gothic number choreographed by Wayne Robson, then it was goodbye to the first ten to have left the show in a video montage that showed why they deserved to be there in the first place and the heartbreak of leaving the competition. Oh, and Jhaeyeheeheyseeeysymaaaaaaammzzzmmzzyzzzaaassssss!
Following this was a look at the journey of the top four, starting with Heidi.
I love Heidi. She has grown so much as a dancer through this competition and we see that on the montage. I can't remember what solo it was, her first or her second, that she came out and blew us away. Some might argue that Natalie or Allison deserved to be in the top four more, but Heidi has progressed so much and was such a joy to watch that I truly feel she was equally qualified to be there.
She got to dance one last solo, and it wasn't her best but I don't care. She wasn't dancing for her life now so she did something different and that brought me pleasure.
Cat had an envelope in her hand, and she announced that Heidi did not win the competition. That was no surprise, because if they're going to announce something now, it's not going to be the winner.
Heidi was presented with some flowers, gave a really nice thank you to the the judges, choreographers, and the rest of the top twenty (I haven't looked, but sadly knowing some of the fans she'll get some flack for not thinking them), and the audience chanted her name. She had a huge smile on her face through the whole thing. Congratulations on making it this far, Heidi.
Travis and Heidi (Paso Doble) - Yeah, that was a great paso doble. Travis was having issues with ballroom dances, and this was the first such routine that really came together for him so that's why he chose this one. I appreciate that with his choice and with Heidi's where they went with the dances that first really allowed them to shine way outside their comfort zones. This was as good as I remembered. Also, Heidi wins this little competition by being in three of the four dances.
So that's all four finalist's choices and one person was eliminated. I just checked the counter and there is still 49 minutes left. Oy vey. Lots of dance? Good. My fingers getting tired? Pity me!
Donyelle's journey is next, and she still remains my sentimental favourite even though I don't think she's going to win. As wonderfully talented as she is, if I had to bet my money would be on Benji or Travis. That doesn't make me love Donyelle any less. She's fought through this competition with an injured foot and held her own.
Her solo was beautiful, and also different from what we're used to seeing from her. I hope the two guys change things up in their solos, Travis. When Donyelle first auditioned, she talked about how her larger size in relation to other dancers kept costing her work. Shame on anyone who doesn't hire her based on that, and double shame on them for being really too stupid if they don't hire her now.
Cat came out with an envelope, so we already know Donyelle has lost this competition. But only the competition, not in life. She had quit dancing earlier this year and was hoping for some direction, then this competition came along so she auditioned for it and made it all the way to the final four. This has re-established her love of dance. This was very emotional, but it was alleviated with laughter as we got to see Mia's third cry of the season, and her reaction to the other judges showed she was quite aware of this too. Congratulations, Donyelle, you've shown the world you can do it.
That means the final two are Benji and Travis, both of whom are fine choices indeed. You know Cat's not going to be walking out with an envelope until they've both had their final solos which will only be in... 46 minutes? All that with Donyelle was only three minutes?
Brian's turn came up to pick his dance/dancers for the night. He went all the way back to the first episode and the couple who became the early favourites based on their first dance.
Martha and Travis - Ssssssteamed heat! This Fosse-esque number did put them in the lead at the start, but both suffered in later dances, Martha more than Travis. If Martha kept the energy up from this dance, she could well have made the final four. This was a pleasure to watch again.
Benji's journey. Oh, you loveable clown of the dance world, you. If there is one thing Benji can do probably better than anyone else in this competition, that's entertain. His solo has elements of what we've seen from him before, but he's mixed it up with some new stuff. I'm so glad to see these dancers finally stretch in their solos. When Cat came out, she had an envelope. Uh oh. She opened it up, said, "Benji, I'm sorry..." His face dropped, then Cat finished, "...you'll have to wait until after the break." You evil wench! Poor Benji, people have been doing this all season! Whatever else happens, I'd like to congratulate Benji on making it to the final two and making the audience smile.
Finally we come to the journey of one Travis. What can I say? He's a fantastic dancer. He was a favourite from his first dance, and despite some hiccups remained one of the front-runners the entire way. I've been asking for a while that he speed his solo up, and he did a little bit. It wasn't as fast-paced as I would have liked, but it was still a change in music and tempo so that was nice to see. With close to half an hour left in the show, it wasn't quite the shocker to see Cat pull the same trick with Travis that she did with Benji.
It's time for the second musical guest of the night. I like Fergie in the Black Eyed Peas. She's a great singer, and that's what she does so well in that group. I don't like her rapping so much.
A finale like this wouldn't be the same without a look back at the rest of the season, including glimpses at some of the worst and more memorable auditions, great dancers that didn't make it all the way, and high points through the competition. Dancing With the Stars is fun, but there's nothing like watching trained dancers at their best.
By the way, Cat, your roots are showing. Just giving you a head's up. Love the dress.
The top ten dancers are touring the United States starting in September. After this season and the Broadway dance to a song from the musical Chicago, I'm very sad that I won't get to see it. The routine is fun to watch. The season's almost over! Sob!
The next judge's choice is one of the most recent dances. Dan liked these two from the beginning and loved them working together.
Travis and Benji - It's fitting to see Tranji's nerd-hop dance one more time, seeing as they are the final two. What more can be said about it that wasn't said last time? It's an entertaining routine and they earned their final two spot. I'm not a fan of audience voting, but this time they got it right.
Cat brought the two of them over the judges, and it's time to hear what they think of Tranji before the results are read.
Nigel thinks it's like comparing Fred Astaire and Gene Kelly. If you don't recognize those names, shame on you for not watching more older movies. Hurry up and rent what you can with either of them! Nigel thinks they are both amazing dancers, and if he gets even one dancer as good as them next season he will be very happy.
Mary loves them, thinks they are both amazing technicians in their fields, and gives a warning before she lets off one more scream.
Brian feels it was a priviledge to be there and watch them grow as dancers. He doesn't know who should win, but he lets out a scream, prompting Mary to join in. Please let that be the last.
Shane has never met two dancers who didn't have a weakness. Tranji (sounds like a giant Japanese monster) destroyed (even moreso) every (yes?) dance (oh, Godzilla wouldn't do that) that came their way, and it was a pleasure for him to work with them.
Mia thinks they have a future that can reach far beyond dance into other fields of entertainment. Benji has an old Hollywood vibe to him, and Travis is the new, hip young dude. She thinks every man would see them and want to dance. You can tell she spends too much time around dancers, because no men I know would be prompted by them to try out dance. Sadly. Anyway, she would be happy if the competition ends in a tie.
Dan says the reason they love them and America loves them is that they're fun to watch. Never stop having fun with what they're doing because there's nothing better than this. Ha! He's never worked in a dead-end office job! It doesn't get any better than that!
After that, there is one last break and we will finally find out who the winner is.
And the winner is... Jaamzesszaz!
No, sorry, I had to get one last one in.
In the end it came down to technique vs. personality, and the winner is...
Benji!
He broke down in tears, Travis had a big smile and was a great sport, and Benji even got a message from Celine Dion congratulating him.
Way to go, Benji! And Nigel? See you next year!

Big Brother: All-Stars - Aired August 4 to Present - Commentary

As you may or may not have noticed, I'm a little backed up on Big Brother updates. Most of the episodes I did have on tape, but at this point going back to them and updating them all is a little too daunting, and not just for the sheer amount of time it would take. You there, there's a problem with Big Brother: All-Stars... It's the worst season of the show ever. I wasn't a fan of the All-Stars concept to start with, I watched the Survivor version, but I gave it a chance.
I can live with stupid decisions from novice players. That's part of the fun. But when everybody knows what Will's gameplay is like and they still let him get away with it? Un-freakin'-believable. There is no excuse for them to be letting them play them like he has been. In fact, this is so bad that for the first time I'm left wondering if the producers really are manipulating the season from behind the scenes, trying to give us what they think we want. And I'm not normally paranoid that way (but Dick Cheney really is trying to listen to my brain).
Big Brother would be a painful enough show to recap at the best of times. Back and forth strategy talk is fun to watch, not so much fun to write. But if things actually happened, I could live it it. Thinks aren't happening though. It's the Will and Janelle Show, which may be a blast for the die-hard Will and Janelle fans, but a yawner for the rest of us.
How bad is this season? I've watched from Big Brother 1, episode 1, and in all that time the only episodes I've missed were by accident, forgetting to set the VCR and such. The last episode of All-Stars I've watched was when James was evicted, and for the first time ever I'm deliberately not watching. Not even the lure of a double eviction and a week's worth of competition in one hour was enough to get me to watch again. Who was evicted? Danielle and George. Why? Because once again, everyone is playing for a Will/Janelle final two! Erika just finished watching her alliance turn on James then Danielle, but she still trusts them! Janelle watched Pinky and the Brain orchestrate the ousting of everyone else from Season Six, she vowed revenge, then she put Erika and George on the block!
None of this makes any sense! How dumb are these people?
I've heard that this is the lowest rated Big Brother in years. I can believe that. While a large number of internet viewers are hardcore Janelle fanatics (hey, I was a fan last year myself, but I found myself worrying about saying anything negative this season because of the backlash that could create), a lot of people are more keen on an interesting season than the predictable stupidity-fest we've gotten. Even Dr. Will, who has been running the show, isn't immune from bizarre strategy has his desire to take Janelle to the final three is inexplicable, especially if he wants himself and Boogie in the final two.
Two of the biggest contributers to breaking this season were the pre-game alliances and all the talk of sharing the prize money. Sure, the absolute fear people had of being voted out at the beginning didn't help out, but how exciting can a final two or three be if none of the players really care who wins because they'll all be getting the same money? This was strictly prohibited in previous seasons, but that rule seems to have been discarded for All-Stars.
So what did Realivision miss? Kaysar's record setting third eviction, a title that will like go forever unchallenged.
Marcellas being evicted after being assured by Janelle that he was safe. He told her repeatedly that if she put him on the block, he would be evicted. He also told Season Six repeatedly during their run of four consecutive Head of Household runs that they need to get rid of Chill Town. They didn't listen, with the men focuses on their insane floater fetish and Janelle driven to get rid of the women in the house. Of the lot, the only one left is Janelle, and she's there with, you guessed it, Chill Town. Marcellas made some bad moves, alligning with Janelle at the start being one of them, but he knew what was happening and what should happen.
Howie eviction was a classic of poor sportsmanship when he grabbed Boogie's hat and threw it, then got in his face. People have been stabbed in the back and blindsided in 6 previous seasons of Big Brother and 12 seasons of Survivor, and most of them take it either good-naturedly or they let a few choice words out. This is the first time I've seen it get close to physical like this. What's been amazing online is watching his fans excuse this attrocious behaviour, much like they pretty much ignored him calling Nakomis a "fat, ugly freak".
I'm sorry, but as cheerful as Howie is when everything is going his way, he turns into a bully when it's not. I was a fan last year, but I've seen the light and am very much an ex-fan. How much he bothers me is evidenced by how I'm wording all this. I never get this personal in these pages, and I hope to never get so again.
Even worse, I feel very poorly for Marcellas. Here he thought he had a week in sequester to himself, and of course it's Howie who showed up 24 hours later. It was pretty obvious these two men don't like each other. What was best was when we saw them watching the DVD (they've gone high class this season) of the competitions following Marcellas' departure, the reactions Marcellas had to Howie's classless comments were priceless as they communicated exactly how I was feeling. It sucked however when we were shown Howie apparently getting the last word in, insulting Marcellas. That's not how we roll at Realivision. No, we get the last word in here, HurriLame Howie.
James, on the other hand, took his eviction with much aplomb. People were waiting for him to snap on his ouster, but nope, he let them down by taking it like an adult! Once his name was read, he put the game behind him. Kudos, James.
And that was the last episode I watched this season. I know Danielle and Chicken George are gone because I'm still online, but them leaving only emphasized why I quit watching.
The only way I'll watch the finale is if it's Erika vs. Boogie in the final two. Then for one more brief shining moment, Big Brother will be interesting again.
What can Big Brother do to redeem itself next season? Twelve to fourteen perfect strangers. Don't give us any more twists with people related to each other in any possible way. Try to recruit them all from those who apply for the show, and don't worry about everyone being beautiful. George may be strange, but he has more character in his little toe than many House Guests throughout the series have had period. And please get back to the rule banning the sharing of prize money! The thirst for blood needs to go down to the end!
But the complete strangers is the most important part. Do that and you'll win me back.
I apologize for the lack of humour in this post, but what's being done to a show I love is no laughing matter.
Stay tuned though, because not only am I going to finally get the season finale to So You Think You Can Dance done very, very soon, but I will also be recapping Celebrity Duets!
And in just a couple of weeks, Survivor returns as does The Amazing Race which will get the full treatment, and both series are promising to be interesting and both offering more diversity in the players than every before (Survivor is being particularly controversial by dividing tribes based on ethnicity). Now those are going to be fun shows to recap!
As for Last Comic Standing, I know I recorded the season finale. I just need to find the damned tape.
For those of you still with me, thank you for your patience. If you enjoyed my Treasure Hunters coverage, please stick around because the fun ain't over yet, baby!