Celebrity Duets - Aired Aug. 29 - Full Recap

After giving up on Big Brother, and every other show Realivision has been covering this summer being over for the season, I thought there would be nothing to tide me over until the fall shows debut, but I was wrong! It doesn't happen very often, but on this rare occasion of wrongness it was nice to be so pleasantly wrong. Yes, I discovered Celebrity Duets!
The premise of the show is that eight celebrities compete against each other in a singing contest with a twist. Every song, as the title says, is a duet, and the duets are with famous singers. Sometimes even legendary. Don't be surprised to see that word tossed around a lot here.
I do have a problem with this being labelled a "reality" show, just as I have the same issue with that phrase being attached to American Idol, Canadian Idol, or So You Think You Can Dance. These aren't reality shows, they're talent shows. But because everyone's calling it a reality show, it falls in Realivision's pervue so that's not so bad.
The host of the show is Wayne Brady, which is fantastic because not only could he sing if he has to, he can be seriously off-the-cuff funny, if a little constrained by a Fox primetime show that's family friendly.
As is the case with these shows, there is a panel of three judges. There are always three judges. It's Monty Python's Celebrity Duets. "First shalt thou estabish the reality premise. Then shalt thou hire three judges, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt hire, and the number of the hiring shall be three. Four shalt thou not hire, neither hire thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then haveth thou thy contestants, who, being some worst than others, shall have their dreams crushed by the judges three."
The judges are Marie Osmond who, while maybe not a legend, has had a successful career and has sung her fair share of duets, Little Richard, a legend in music by almost any standard, and David Foster, one of the most successful music producers ever - maybe even a legend. Right now this seems like an excellent panel. Right now.
As the audience, we're not going to know who the famous singers for the episode are until each celebrity introduces them. Oooh, suspenseful!
Okay, that's all out of the way, let's get to the competition...
Lucy Lawless - If there's no other reason to watch this show, Lucy Lawless is on! I'm a bit of a... Oh, hell, I'm a huge Xena geek! There is going to be no lack of bias here, Realivision is 100% behind Lucy to win this thing. There was an episode of Xena called The Bitter Suite (the pictures above are screenshots (yes, I have it on DVD)) where Lucy showed she has the pipes to do this. Sure, it was all recorded in the studio and here she has to sing live, but that doesn't matter. Xena kicks ass in everything she does.
Yeah, I know she also kicked ass as Maddy Rierdon in the movies Locusts and Vampire Bats, but damn it, Xena was historic television.
She came out and her voice was pure magic. She was singing away then introduced her partner, Michael Bolton. It's easy to take cheap shots at Bolton, and hoo boy am I tempted, but the man can sing so we'll let him be. Besides, if he screws Xena over he could well be looking at a chakram to the back of the head.
There wasn't a whole heck of a lot of chemistry here. Bolton is no Gabrielle. And Lucy didn't have a big fight with him that ended up with her trying to kill him then the two of them having to get through the pain and hurt and come together again. Go back to Gabrielle, Xena! She's your lobster!
After the performance, Wayne talked to Bolton about how Lucy was, and he said she was great. He was then sent off, so it looks like the professional singers don't really stay around for the judging.
Marie thought she was fantastic, but thought Xena could relate a little more with her partner.
Little Richard liked her, but thought she could project a little bit more. He also didn't make much sense in a couple of places, perhaps showing his age a little more in his speech than in his appearance (he is 73, after all).
Foster said she couldn't have picked a better song for herself, she did great.
Damn it though, the whole show isn't just about her. Let's take a look at the soon-to-be also-rans...
Alfonso Ribeiro - Oh, Carlton from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, or his greatest role, Alfonso on Silver Spoons. The man is obviously in very good shape, you can tell if it's fat or muscle even if someone is dressed, but when did his face get so big and round? I actually found it quite distracting, because it seems strange to gain weight in his face like that while the rest of him is muscle.
That aside, he can certainly sing. He did very well, and his partner was Not Beyonce, er, the scarily skinny Michelle Williams from Destiny's Child. They didn't set the house on fire, but Alfonso and Not Beyonce sang well together.
After the song, Wayne came out and gave Not Beyonce a sandwich and asked if Alfonso could be in Destiny's Child, could he be Destiny's Man Child? She didn't think he could pull off the stilettos that they normally need to rock in. She was then sent off, where she got together with Lara Flynn Boyle, Nicole Ritchie, and Calista Flockhart to see if they could all stand on a scale together and make the needle move.
Marie liked it, said that's what you call a duet and thought he set the bar for the rest of the evening.
Little Richard let us know that Alfonso used to dance for his show, and he loved the performance.
Foster wanted to hate him, didn't know what he would be able to bring, but said he really could sing and couldn't wait to see what he does next.
Carly Patterson - I think I may have heard her name before, but I don't follow gymnastics, and when the Olympics are on I'm more concerned with how the Canadians are doing.
Ca-Na-Da! Ca-Na-Da! Ca-Na-Da!
Where were we? Oh yeah, gymnast girl. Carly started singing "Somewhere Out There", then introduced James Ingram. We're not here to judge the professionals, but dang, he can sing. Her, not so much. So far she's got the weakest voice yet talentwise, though she could get volume even if she was wavery.
After the song, James told Wayne that Carly had a good, strong work ethic in rehearsal.
Marie thought for all the people performing tonight, this would be the most alien experience for Carly. She wanted her to relax, work on her breathing, and yes, singing a first duet with James Ingram can be intimidating. David Foster started to say something, and Marie said, "I'm busy!" Ah, judge squabbles!
Little Richard thought she started out slow, but saw her confidence build when James came out.
Foster said he told her in the hall to imagine everyone naked, and she admitted to following the advice. He didn't think she did great this time around, but sees the ability to improve dramatically throughout the competition in her. And it turns out that just like the Oscars, when people start talking too long music is cued to let them know it's time to shut up.
Cheech Marin - Must... resist... pot... jokes... Too be blunt, when it comes time to weed out the weaker singers you can huff and puff all you want, Cheech didn't have a great voice and that's no toke... Joke! I mean joke! His partner was Peter Frampton, the first same-sex pairing of the night and that usually calls for a different kind of chemistry that the romantic duets, though that would rock if they tried to pull it off on this show. Especially if they got Renee O'Connor to come sing with Lucy. Xena and Gabrielle, together again. Sigh...
Wayne asked Frampton how Cheech compares to David Bowie, to which Frampton drew in a long, slow breath, held it, then exhaled and said that Cheech has the good stuff, man. No, he just joked around how Cheech taugh Bowie a few licks they used on the Glass Spider Tour.
Marie loves Cheech and loves that he's here doing this, but thinks he needs to watch his phrasing and relating to his partner.
Little Richard didn't know that Cheech sings, and didn't think Cheech knew it either.
Foster didn't think Cheech is the greatest singer in the world, but he puts a smile on his face.
Lea Thompson - I recently got the Back to the Future Trilogy on DVD, and I was wondering what Lea was up to lately, so it was a pleasant surprise to see her on this show.
She started to sing a country song, then introduced her partner, Randy Travis. There's a bit of a pattern here, and if you know who originally had hits with these songs you might be able to guess who the partners are before they appear.
They did really well together. For a partnership that meshed, this was my favourite so far. She can really sing.
Randy thought Lea was really impressive in rehearsal, that she came in knowing everything she needed to know.
Marie thought Lea was going in and out of the harmony, but sounds great.
Little Richard loves country music, and he thought it was fantastic.
Foster loved that she was the first to come out and actually sing harmony, and looked like she was really singing a duet.
Jai Rodriguez - They used to air Queer Eye for the Straight Guy on a local broadcast channel and it's a fun show. But it was always Kyan Douglas I wished was straight.
Damn it, the man can sing! Lucy has herself some competition. It didn't help that his partner was Gladys Knight, who has an amazing voice. They were wonderful together, making this the couple to beat.
Gladys said that Jai was born to do this, and told him to use his gift.
Marie loved him.
Little Richard loved him.
Foster loved him.
Chris Jericho - Want to hear a dirty little secret? I watch the WWE. It's men in tights jumping around! I'm very lonely, so just keep your judging to yourself. Anyway, because of this I'm familiar with the Ayatollah of Rock'n'Rolla, and he's also the only Canadian on the show, so I have to cheer him on to a solid second place finish. If it weren't for Xena, I'd cheer him on to win, but come on. Xena. Yes, I'm obsessing. Get over it.
His partner was Lee Ann Womack, giving us our second country song of the night. Jericho normally sings heavy metal, so this was a different style for him and I thought he was trying too hard to stay on tune and not hard enough to put some passion into the song. It was also quite awkward as he was trying to make it look romantic, but couldn't quite decide whether or not to touch Womack on the arm. Not a good performance, but not the worst of the night.
Wayne asked Womack if she thinks that country music is right for Jericho, and she said he could do whatever he wants, he seems like the type of guy who figures out what he wants and goes for it.
Marie thinks Jericho is very cute, but wants him to watch the pitch.
Little Richard didn't expect that song from him, and thought it was alright.
Foster thought it was okay, it was too soft, and Jericho has to give more in the next song.
Hal Sparks - When I heard his name, only one thought came to mind... Who? I have no idea who this man is. His voice was a little wavery at first, he seemed to be singing in too high a register for his voice. Then he introduced his legendary partner, Smokey Robinson. Damn. Say what you want about shows like this, but these professional partners they're getting are nothing to sneeze at. They worked well together, and this Al Smarks guy should get fairly far.
Wayne asked Smokey how he though Alf did, and he said, "He did it!"
Marie thought Sal looked like he was having fun, but it was in the wrong key for him.
Little Richard thought he did a fantastic job. It was high, but everything Smokey does is high.
Foster isn't sure about him yet. I don't know if he's not sure of him as a singer, or if he's not sure if Earl is just some guy who walked in off the street and said he's a "celebrity". He didn't care for the falsetto and wants to see what his next song is.
So that was the first part of the show. Each celebrity and Ham Stark would now get to sing again, and at the end of the night one of them would be going home.
Lea Thompson - This time around the professionals start the singing, so it's nice to see things get mixed up. This is a much better song for Lea than her last one, and she did very well with Bolton. A great fit for both of them.
Marie agrees with me, and thought this was a thousand times better, and this music is a better genre for Lea than country is.
Little Richard actually liked the other one better, but this was nice.
Foster didn't want to agree with Marie, but has to. He said Lea really delivered the song.
Carly Patterson - Her partner this round is Lee Ann Womack, and Carly is the opposite of Lea in that country is a better fit for her, but her voice still seemed a little bit lacking to me even though she seemed a lot more confident and relaxed this time.
Marie agreed that it was much better, but she warned her to listen to the pitch.
Little Richard also thought she was much better this time.
Foster really thinks she belongs with country music.
Alfonso Ribeiro - His partner was James Ingram, and this song really worked for his voice. I've really got nothing more to say here than very good job, Carlton.
Marie thinks that if he keeps it up, he'll be there at the end of the show. She also said she really likes this show, but that's got nothing to do with Alfonso's performance. Stick to the performance, Osmond!
Little Richard thinks he's got what it takes and it takes what he's got. He loves him and wants to see him do the Carlton dance. Alfonso promised us if he makes it to the final, we'll see that dance.
Foster thought he was singing a little out of tune, but has ability.
Chris Jericho - This time around he's teamed up with Peter Frampton, and this song is so much better for him. It's not quite a rock and roll song, but it's a faster song and he's able to rock it out. Jericho also uses more of the set and does a little run behind the judges at the end. This is a much better performance than earlier and should be enough to keep him in.
Marie agrees it was much better, but he needs to watch pitch.
Little Richard was left a little speechless, and "Signed, sealed, delivered... I'm yours!" Good job!
Foster said he asked him to step it up, and he really stepped it up. He said Jericho should be fronting a rock band somewhere.
Xena - Musical Princess - Wow! Lucy was paired with Smokey, and this song was smoking and smouldering. So far every celebrity has really stepped it up for their second performance, which is great to see. Damn, this was a nice duet.
Marie said everyone just watched her sing every note, and she loved that her voice changed for the song. If anyone was listening to the song, she is that beautiful.
Little Richard said it made his big toe shoot up in his boot. He just loved it, she had it going on.
Foster thought it was sexy as hell, so he really enjoyed it.
Chris Jericho - What the hell? Someone at the broadcaster screwed up and showed the exact same segment as the last one we just saw. I kept waiting to see if they'd catch the mistake, but from commercial to commercial, it played all the way through. So who did we miss? Well, let's see who else we see...
Who's this? - Oh yeah, it's that Joe Starks guy. He was singing "Heard it Through the Grapevine" with Gladys Knight, and while he paled in comparison, he still did a good job. He'll make it through tonight.
Marie... Yes, Marie Osmond, the good Mormon girl from Utah who was a little bit country, thought Pal was a little bit "white". It's a funky song, and he needs to sit on the beat a little more.
Little Richard rambled, but I did understand when he said to keep it up.
Foster said that if he keeps singing like that, he'll make him a believer.
Cheech Marin - Paired with Randy Travis, yet again we get a style that's a better fit for the celebrity singing it. I liked this much better than Cheech's last outing, but really at the end of this episode it should be down to him or Carly.
Marie would like to see him smile a little bit more when he's singing.
Little Richard made no sense.
Foster said he would probably not produce and sign him, that he's probably not going to win the competition, but he's probably not going home tonight. Poor Carly.
Jai Rodriguez - Strange. I guess despite the screw up, we're still going to see all the performances, and it's not running over the two hours. I have no idea how they worked that out.
So Jai sings the Destiny's Child song "Say My Name" with Not Beyonce - okay, she was nice so I'll be nice and say her name - with Michelle Williams. Jai put two strong performances together in a row, so he may be tough to beat in this series.
Marie loved everything.
Little Richard loved everything.
Foster loved everything and said that Jai's leading the pack.
So that's it for the competition part. Now it's time to send somebody home. For this premiere episode, the judges would be doing the cutting but after this it's all about the, ugh, audience voting. Not you who are reading this. You rock and would base your votes purely on talent or because Xena kicks butt. I'm talking about people who would vote to carry Master P through week after week on Dancing With the Stars (season three starting soon!) despite his massive suckage as a dancer. I'm not a fan of audience voting. There's a reason we're no longer voting to evict people on Big Brother.
Moving on to the next episode...
Jai.
Cheech.
Lea.
Alfonso.
Lucy.
Some guy I've never heard of.
It's down to Carly and Jericho. Come on, Carly has to go! Let us Jericho-holics have our man for another week! But no! NO! Chris Jericho, the first ever undisputed World Heavyweight Wrestling Champion is going home! No!
As long as Lucy is around though, all is good.