Treasure Hunters - Aired Aug. 14 - Full Recap

Is it really almost over? This is the penultimate episode, next week will be the live finale when we finally find out who wins and what the treasure at the end is going to be.
Before we get there though, we have three teams still in the hunt. First are the dashing Southie Boys, those swashbuckling rogues from Boston with the impish grins and quick tempers but large hearts. Next are the Geniuses, doing nerds the world over proud as they fight to the finish like Gandalf the Grey fought the Morlocks at Romulus. Okay, Lord of the Rings isn't my strong suit. Finally are the Air Force, finely tuned contestabots fashioned from best technology Earth and whatever's in Area 51 has to offer. One of these teams, human or machine, will be the grand prize winners.
The teams start off where we last saw them, in Philadelphia. I guess we're not going to see any more middle of the night wake-up calls, damn it, because it's the morning of the final day and everyone is packing to leave a nameless brick bed & breakfast. It is odd that for the first time, we don't get to know the name of the establishment. Maybe they insisted on being paid to have the teams and crew stay there. It's also odd that teams are packing. This is why there should have been more middle of the night calls. They're just completely complacent now.
Team Air Force are the first of the contestants we drop in on, and they have a lot of Turtle Wax, motor oil, and WD40 to put away before they can leave. Manbot1 even let out an almost human sounding "Whooo!" about being in the final three and this being the end. It may have been an excitement algorithm, or he's steam-powered. He is the first version of the manbots, after all.
Manbot2 said in an interview that they are "excited" over the possibility of winning the treasure, especially if it's of epic proportions. I knew the contestabots were a mistake to build in the first place, because now they are going to try and win enough money to start construction on an army of Air Force contestabots. When we are slaves being forced to mine raw materials for our contestabot overlords, don't say I didn't warn you, fellow humans.
With the Southie Boys, one of the twins was laying on the floor, possible knocked down by his brother, and rugged John Southie was leaning against the bed saying this is the first day he's had butterflies. Marty No Pants told us that winning the treasure would be great, but even if they don't, the adventure they've been on has been more than most people could dream of.
Genius Sam in their room said they might need caffeine to keep them going, which would mean the wunderbrau of geeks everywhere, Jolt Cola. He didn't name it, but I know he was thinking it. Our old friend Chuck was interested at first in going places and meeting people in this game, but if they actually win a vast amount of money, it will open up opportunities and dreams to them for the rest of their lives. And the first of those dreams? Finally being able to keep up with all the new edition cards of Magic: The Gathering.
The teams all went downstairs to get their instructions from a little Lairdovision set and he said that tonight one of them will find the treasure. The end game has begun! To unlock the treasure, they will have to use every artifact they have found along the way, which includes a blank map, a compass, a box, a medallion, a key, a large cryptex which holds a smaller cryptex. Tonight they must find the seventh and final artifact that will help them unlock that cryptex. The code that opens it is the key to the treasure. For the last part of the hunt, they will not be allowed to use their computers (so forget all the porn you downloaded, Genius Francis). Their search will begin at the Library of Congress and their Toyota Tundras would be waiting for them outside.
Because out of fairness the Air Force had to have their internal GPS units disabled, they were forced to try other methods of navigation, so Manbot2 suggested Manbot1, who was driving, look in the glove compartment for a map.
The Geniuses were in no better position, and the best direction they could come up with was "right", so Francis said they had better start figuring it out.
In the Southie Boys truck, the team punched each other out for a while until they decided it was better to get going and follow the Geniuses. Oh, no though, Team "Einstein" wasn't going to have any of that and Sam used his mad Project Gotham Racing skills to thwart the wiley Bostonians who decided that they'll have to find it on their own.
On the way to the Library, the Air Force went through all the artifacts they'd received so far, and they were eagerly waiting to process how all of them would fit together. They suspected that when they get to the Library they would get what they need to calculate the code for the second cryptex.
The Southies ended up following the Geniuses anyway, and at this point we discovered that the teams had hand-held GPS units anyway. How long have they had these? And I know cell phones are all the rage, but are there no telephone booths with phone books that contain addresses anymore? I'm asking this of all three teams.
At some point they seperated though and the Southies were the first to arrive at the Library of Congress! Yay! They celebrated by beating each other up and getting a Motorola message from the Lairdbrarian. Shhhhh!
I know Laird is a powerful man, but to have the friggin' Library of Congress emptied of all outsiders and kept open well past public hours? Now that's influence! Not only that, the man knows everything! He tells the Southies that there are over 530 miles of bookshelves containing 29 million volumes including the best works ever put to paper.
Somewhere on those shelves are three books - Poltroons & Patriots, Official Histories, and The American Flag: Of Stars and Stripes. Each of them covers the seventh artifact. Find anyone of those three titles and it will reveal the key to the treasure.
The Southies then poked Laird in his Motorola eyes and headed off to find the books. I love the boys, but yeesh, they didn't get off to a good start. Instead of thinking it through logically, they started looking at random books they found. Even John Southie (sigh!) in an interview that's currently paused on my television (sigh!) said they put three rockheads in a library. Don't worry, John, with a mug like that you don't need no book learnin'. It's not like you're a graduate of the University of Massachusetts at Boston or anything.
Yes, I know I want the Southies to win and I really like them, but there are only three teams left. I can't just snark on the Air Force and Geniuses. It just wouldn't be fair to them, especially since the Southies rock and are the best damned team left. They are more physically fit than the Geniuses, and their human brains allow them to think more outside the box than the Air Force.
The Geniuses were the next to arrive at the Library, and upon entry fell down to the floor with ecstasy overload. "Soooo... maaannyyyy... boooookssss!"
Drawn to the Geniuses like the Hanlons to a hamburger, the Bostonians tried following them again but the Geniuses, once again, would have none of that.
Finally the Air Force pulled up and ran inside and looking at how their own data retrieval systems work, they talked about finding the main card catalogue. Card catalogue. That's some cutting edge technology. Maybe if Congress didn't blow all its money on gold toilet seats, they could afford to put computer terminals in.
Still looking for some clue, the Southies saw the Air Force go speeding by, so they decided to try and follow as fast as their fleshy little legs would carry them.
Air Force looked through the cards until they found what they were looking for and the Southies tried to duplicate their success, but to no avail.
The contestabots were quickly tracking down their book and found it soon enough, but there was nothing inside of it. Then something in her word pattern recognition algorithms prompted Womanbot to ask if "the book covered it, is it literal?" They went back to the shelf where they got it and Manbot2 looked behind the books and sure enough there was another one, leather-bound and entitled "The Star-Spangled Banner."
It was the right one, because their phone then rang. In this big, empty library how that sound didn't carry and bring forth the other two teams, I don't know.
Mouth-watering Laird told them it was the seventh and final artifact, and it holds the key to the treasure. He could only tell them this - the key has been in front of them every step of the way. This was accompanied by shots of stars and flags, one of which is my bet for the final cryptex code.
They looked through the book, read some of it, and one page was about "The Chevron". The page with the picture of the chevron was translucent, and every picture in the book they put it over, it would connect with another chevron hidden in each drawing to create an X, and each one was a place they've been to along the way, but the last page was blank. In the book it also said, "Printed on the Old Printing Press, Library of Congress."
They looked at the blank page and Womanbot asked about the other map they have, the first artifact they recovered. This was retrieved and it fit perfectly in the book. The only problem was that it was blank, so Manbot1 said they had to find the old printing press.
Meaning while, the Southies were busy writing on their arms (don't they have notepads?) and hitting each other with books.
The Air Force quickly found a room with a printing press, and once they realized it was pre-computer they stopped trying to interface with it and found that there were slots the other artifacts they had found would fit in. Aaaaaah! That explains the way everything was raised on those artifacts instead of engraved normally! They're part of a picture and once covered with ink, they will print onto the blank map! After all these weeks, it's nice to finally have it all come together and to see how these pieces all fit together!
I don't know if the Geniuses used the card catalogue at all, but they were the next to find a book and so their artifact. Charles in an interview said he found it and so was grateful that he was actually useful for once. However, I've now rewound and watched it four times to be sure before I say this, but he didn't find it. Genius Sam found the book and pointed to it, Chuck just was the first to touch it. He also didn't think there was anything to it, but it was Sam who saw that there was something behind it, at which point Darth Chuck reached back and got the artifact.
Don't try to steal Sam's glory, Chuck. Not when you're on film, and not on my watch! Not to worry though, you've been quite useful throughout this hunt. To me! Now do something evil again that I can make fun of!
They took their artifact book to a desk and looked through it, and this time it was Charles who thought of the blank map. There you go, credit where credit is due. The phone rang, and it was fun to watch Genius Francis jump and the look on his face. This is someone who has been shushed in a few libraries in his time. Don't worry, Francis. It's only kindly Uncle Laird!
After they took the call, they headed off to find the printing press, and the Southies saw them leave.
Back at the press, the Air Force were busy inking up a roller, careful not to over-ink it. They only have one blank map, so they have to get this right the first time. Apparently their programming doesn't include old-timey hand-operated machinery so they were forced to use a manual that was conveniently located by the printing press, almost like this was all placed there by some unknown force.
Because there are no second chances, they found they had to drop their speed to a human level. Once they finished all the steps, they were left with a completed map that showed them Fort McHenry and the Francis Scott Key Truce Ship.
Laird, dear sweet man that he is, called them to let them know the map is of the Battle of Baltimore from the War of 1812. He said that up until now, every artifact they uncovered was part of a bigger puzzle, but now only the cryptex remains and in it, the final key.
Team Air Force then were the first team to leave the Library to go to Ft. McHenry, which was 38 miles away, thanks to a helpful graphic on the screen.
The Southies were starting to get very frustrated, and the word "quit" came up but they talked themselves out of it. Marty No Pants in particular wasn't going to hear of it.
The Geniuses, breaking who knows how many rules and laws, were running through the halls of the Library of Congress looking for the press and soon found it. They went through all the steps until they had their completed map and they were heading off to the next location.
John Southie was wondering how they found it, and Marty No Pants said it was all about the card catalogue. By slowing down and thinking logically, they were able to find the last book and the artifact. You're smart guys, just impatient! Oh, the lead they could have had...
In their truck, the Air Force contestabots were trying to find the directions to the fort. They calculated that the best thing to do was to ask for directions, and before cutting away to another team, we saw them spot a fire station.
We rejoined the Southies as they were printing their map and hitting each other over the head with pieces of the printing press. They then left to find their way to the fort.
Once more with the Air Force, they were at a fire station 25 miles from their target location getting directions and searching online. Their product placement program now run directly from a specialized chip, they didn't forget to say they should check Ask.com. If it was possible to program them with emotions, they would hope that none of the other teams would know where they were going.
Which took us to the Geniuses who were only 11 miles from Ft. McHenry. It turns out Sam is pretty good at finding signs and such. You might almost say he's a genius at it. Good thing you guys didn't leave him behind in the swamp, huh?
The Air Force were 4 miles from the fort when they realized how close they were all this time and it occurred to them that maybe they shouldn't have stopped at all.
Team Geniuses was the first to arrive at the docks, and were fortunate enough to find a lone man standing in a boat late at night. What luck! Okay, he was obviously hired by the show, but I'd love if they actually went to some random guy and got a lift. As they left the dock, Genius Francis said to his teammates to watch the dock and make sure nobody else pulls up. You know, because... Why? What are they going to do if it happens?
I'm just putting this out there, but I want to see Snakes on a Plane. A commercial just came on for it, but come on, once you heard that title didn't you want to see it too? Everyone and their brother is coming up with names for possible sequels and I want to get in on the fun, so here's mine - Locusts on a Cruise Ship.
One of the problems now is that the Geniuses are on a boat at night trying to find an old ship on dark water. Any lights on the ship are going to harder to see because the shoreline has lights everywhere.
A treat for us, the viewers, is that Charles was selected to relay the history of the area to us, about the battle that took place and the events that led to Francis Scott Key writing the poem, The Star-Spangled Banner, that would later become the anthem.
As you know or may have suspected from the way I spell words such as "catalogue", I am Canadian. Thus I would like to share the history of the Canadian national anthem - click here if you're interested.
As the Geniuses searched, the Air Force arrived at the dock. Despite the threat of rust, they got on their boat and started on their quest for the ship.
John Southie joked that the others may have been eaten by a shark as the Southies were driving to the fort.
The Air Force figured the Geniuses may have been there an hour ahead of them. Puny flesh bags! It can not be tolerated that they are ahead of the contestabots!
The lead wasn't going to fall any time soon, as the Geniuses spotted the ship and headed towards it. Thank you, James T. Kirk! The Force is with them! Yes, they were so excited they started getting their science fiction confused. Sam then said they needed to look for five-letter words once aboard the ship, as that's what is needed to open the cryptex.
Once on board, they looked for a way inside and found a hatch (yes, I knows me nautical terminology, me hearty) that wasn't locked. Inside was an glass window with a duplicate of their map engraved in it, and behind that window was an alcove with three wooden boxes. In the boxes was a metal token with a star on each side, and another map. The map was a duplicate of the one they already had, except on the back was a picture of a key with the word "LAZARETTO" and "THE TREASURE IS NOT HERE, THE ANSWER IS RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU."
Looking at the map in front of them, Francis saw Lazaretto Battery on it and said they have to go there. As they went topside (see, nautical!) their phone rang. Aye aye, Cap'n Macintosh! He told them a little more history, and that the LaZaretto is now gone but on that plot of land the treasure is now waiting.
They got back on to their little boat, and as this happened the camera panned over and showed us a building with the sign "Key Industries" with a tattered flag beneath it, all nicely lit up.
Next we see the Southies again, who are now 15 miles from the fort and in the harbour the Air Force is just finding the ship. They go downside and find the map, box, etc.
The Geniuses, we see, are now searching for the plot of land and Genius Francis says they need to find the nearest dock, get on land, and start looking. Oh please do that! The others unfortunately see that as a bad idea, and Chuck spots Air Force's boat at the ship.
The contestabots meanwhile are looking at their map trying to calculate where the Battery is located, spending more time figuring out the map then scanning the shoreline. If you're ever on one of these shows where you have to find things, be it Treasure Hunters, The Amazing Race, or Where's Waldo: The Epic Journey, here's a hint - always keep an eye on the cameraman. If the camera is pointed at anything other than you, follow where it's looking at. It just might lead you to what you're missing.
Finally the Southie Boys arrived at the dock, and after they board they put the map down and give a good general direction to the captain.
Working in the Southie's favour, the other teams were still looking for the Battery. Not for too long though, as Eagle Eye Sam spotted the Key Industries building. Seriously, if they left him at the swamp like Chuck very much considered, these guys would have been out of the hunt ages ago. If they win this thing, Chuck needs to get down on his knees and beg for Sam's forgiveness for anything negative he said.
The Geniuses did start getting cocky now. Francis said this is the moment that will change their lives, and Chuck said, "Let's get some money and go home!" Not so fast, my pasty little Chaotic Evil Halfling friend! You don't think it's going to be that easy now, do you?
After docking and getting up on land, Dungeon Master Laird called them and told them they must now seek and and gain entry to a hidden chamber buried deep in the Key Industries structure. Once inside, they must solve the five-letter cryptex and what it contains will point their way to the treasure. "But work fast, because only one team will get the gold."
ACK! Hurry, Southies! Hurry!
Air Force
Lost in harbor [sic]
They were so lost that they expected the phone to ring at any time with a message that the Geniuses had found the treasure and the game was over.
But we know differently, as the Geniuses at this time were climbing stairs on the side of the building, and they went up and up until they got to a door. They looked around inside, where there were lots of pipes and steam. Francis said he didn't see anything, and Sam chastised with "Don't just assume. Every time we rush, we lose." See above where I say that if the Geniuses win, they will owe that win to Sam. In your face, Doubting Chuck!
The Southies didn't take long to find the Truce Ship, as they paid attention to the map and the direction their boat was going. They got the last box, and left to search for the Battery.
Back at the building, the Geniuses were searching and searching until Francis earned his keep and found a sliding door in a round metal chamber that had a spiral staircase inside. They went down, and Sam took care to shut the door behind him. The cameraman was still outside though, so he likely had to open it up again to get in himself.
At the bottom of the stairs was a well-lit rock cavern with many carved stones and a metal door with no obvious means of opening. There was, however, a slot with a star symbol. As Francis was fingering the slot, it was Sam who pointed out the star while Darth Chuck was doing nothing! A lot of evil nothing! Except for taking the token with the star symbol out, but that could have been done by either of the minions. They were anxious about putting the token in the slot, because once it falls in they'd have no way of getting it back.
The Air Force were still on the water talking about the clues when Manbot2 spotted the Key Industries building and directed the captain to take them to it and they soon arrived and debarked onto land.
Down in the cavern, a worried Charles agreed to go for dropping the token into the slot which turned out to be the right decision as it opened the door for them and they walked into a chamber with lots of carved stones on the walls and floors and torches that apparently have been lit for centuries. I love this show, but come on. The chamber should be dark and dusty! And that close to the water, it should be pretty darned dank too!
This has me worried, because you know I want the Southies to win. If the Geniuses figure out the code for the cryptex quickly, it's going to be all over.
As for the Southies, they found the Key Industries building very fast. The clue was that the answer is right in front of them, so they looked right in front of them and there it was. Where were these guys in the Library of Congress? If they had only used the card catalogue from the beginning, their lead right now would have been HUGE!
Inside, the Air Force contestabots were still looking for what we now know is that round metal chamber. They weren't sure what they needed to find, so Womanbot said they needed to go back outside and get to the flag that was with the Key Industries sign. One of the Manbots (it was dark, I couldn't tell which) said they would have to back all the way down, and Womanbot said she calculated they would have to do that, because how else would they be able to get up to the flag? As they were walking, they saw a shadow through one of the windows. It was the Southies climbing the stairs up. The contestabots ducked and turned the volume on their voice modulators down to 2, whisper quiet. They said maybe they do have to go back out.
The Southies got to the door and went inside, had a short brawl with each other, then went off to find the chamber. One of the twins, Martin, I believe, asked the others to listen to him and said they need to search methodically and that everytime someone says no to something, it turns out that thing is it. He then said they're in the same boat as everyone else now, so they're back in the ballgame.
Down in the hidden chamber, the Geniuses were still trying to figure out the code to the cryptex. Francis asked what other cryptex things should they be trying as Sam was examining said cryptex. Francis said, "We gotta think! This is killing me."
And on that note... To be continued.
Noooooooooooooooooooo! Okay Southies, this gives you a week to catch up!
One more episode left in the season and it's the live finale. We find out who found the treasure first, and that team will finally find out what that treasure is. There will also be a reunion, so it'll be nice to see some of our other favourite teams again.
It'll be a little sad for me. Not just the show ending, but I had to turn down an invitation to the live finale because I can't make the trip right now. I'll be there in spirit though, and though I'm cheering on the boys from Boston, I'd like to say good luck to all three remaining teams.