Celebrity Duets - Aired Sept. 7 & 8 - Partial Recap

This change in time slot threw me off. The premiere aired on a Tuesday, now it's showing on Thursday. That's no good. Survivor's premiering soon! Xena, do something! Move back to Tuesday, which is currently a reality wasteland! Phooey.
Recap of the previous episode? Where is my remote? Ah...
Wayne Brady, improvise for us. Sing a song! Show us the world's worst... veterinarian!
"I'm a baaaaad veterinarian!"
Never mind. Let's get on with the show.
Al Parks? El Socks? - I still don't know who this guy is. He's an okay singer, but he's no Warrior Princess. His partner is Wynnona. Wynonna? Wynnnonnna? Great singer, even if I don't know how to spell her name. Help me, Google! Wynonna. Thank you, Google. You're a good search engine, even if you do freak me out by letting me get so close in the arial view of my home.
Anyway, they did pretty good. Judges?
Marie Osmond - She thinks he went from being too "white" last week to having soul now.
Little Richard - Thinks he did a good job. Whoooooo!
David Foster - Likes what he did, would like to see him build up a song better.
Lea Thompson - I really want to make a joke about her teenage self falling in love with her own son after he travels back in time, but I got nothing. And even if I did, it would be way too forced. Maybe before she leaves the show I might be able to come up with a Howard the Duck reference. That movie was way too underrated.
"Heaven is a Place on Earth"? Nooo! Yessss! Belinda Carlisle! I loved the GoGos! Lea's voice seemed a little weak, but they meshed together well. Judges?
Marie - Misses Donny, but that aside thought Lea had fierce energy.
Little Richard - Whooooo! Then he dissed Lea by saying she has Tina Turner's legs, but not her voice. Then something about she's a princess and he wants to make her a queen. Then he said, "Shut up!" And... I don't know what he was trying to say.
Foster - Liked her.
Cheech Marin - This was his best song yet. His voice works best with something bluesy. His partner was Clint Black, and things went well for this team. We've been seeing the celeb's family in the audience after each performance, and for Cheech we got to see his apparently 24-year-old girlfriend. Cheech. Cheeeeeech. Tsk. Judges?
Marie - Thought it was great.
Little Richard - Thinks he found his, Whooooooo, voice.
Foster - Good news, Cheech is the only one of the contestants who has had a hit record. Bad news, he's not going to make it to the end. You see, the audience are voting now and talk like that only pushes them to vote for people who should be going home. I'm not saying Cheech is bad enough to leave yet, he is no Master P after all, but if that means someone more deserving leaves...
Alfonso Ribeiro - Alfonso is one of the contenders, and this song with Jeffrey Osborne helped prove that. What this show really needs is a Silver Spoons reunion. Alfonso, Rick Schroeder, and Jason Bateman. How cool would that be? Judges?
Marie - She probably thinks it would be really cool, but if she does she's keeping it to herself. Other than that, she loved the choices he made.
Little Richard - Whooooo! Little else made sense.
Foster - He liked that Alfonso sang in tune, but didn't care for the dancing.
Carly Patterson - She got to sing "I'm so Excited" with Anita Pointer from the Pointer Sisters. I wasn't so excited, but she did better than I expected. It was nice to see one of the Pointers again, and Anita can sing. Judges?
Marie - Thought she improved muchly.
Little Richard - Huh? Whoooo!
Foster - She's come a long way, she's got a long way to go.
Jai Rodriguez - It seems that he had some throat problems, but we couldn't tell it from the song. It was fun listening to some girls screaming in the audience. They do know he's gay, right? Okay, mostly gay. Alright, maybe they do have a chance.
He sang with Brian McKnight, and they were great together, damn it. Judges?
Marie - Liked it. Blah.
Little Richard. Liked it. Blah. Whoooo!
Foster - Liked it. Blah.
Lucy Lawless - Yeah! Now we're talking! Xena's going to kick some celebrity ASS! Her song was beautiful and flawless. Just like her love for Gabrielle. Sigh.
When she introduced Kenny Loggins, she was more excited than most people are when he enters a room, but that's okay. There's a chakram with his name on it if he screws this up for her. But he didn't! This was the song of the night. Of the week. Of the season! Release it right now and it will go to number one in the charts!
Sorry. I'm still weeping from the beauty of it all. Even though they're daring to judge Xena, I guess we need to hear what they have to say. Judges?
Maria - Criticized Lucy for missing some words. Got a spinning kick to the head for it.
Little Richard - Ahhhhhh... Whoooo?
Foster - Not bad, but wasn't great. For that he gets a head butt to go along with the spinning kick!
To vote for Lucy, dial 1-866-90-DUET-7. That's 1-866-903-8387. I know it's well after the fact now, but if you ever invent a time machine, you'll be able to make up for it if you didn't vote for her on time.

***

Remember when I talked about time slots? Well, if you do then you've got a better memory than me. It's a new show, and it turns out it airs on consecutive nights. Yeah. I forgot. This means I have to go find out online who won. Even worse, I missed Lucy's fantastic Friday performance. How do I know it was fantastic if I didn't get to see it? I don't need to see it to know. Yeesh.
But still, what do you think YouTube was invented for? She rocked out to "Footloose" with Kenny Loggins, and threw in some dance moves too! By the way? This now makes her officially two degrees separated from Kevin Bacon. Or is that one? I never know if actually working with Bacon makes it zero degrees, or if that's the one degree.
Okay, I'm starting to turn into So You Think You Can Dance here. Enough with the filler. The second elimination is... Lea Thompson? You're kidding me? Before gymnast girl or Cheech?
Damn. Now we'll never get to see this.