Treasure Hunters - Air Date June 26

Now things are picking up steam!
After the last leg, the teams got to rest at a bed and breakfast in South Dakota. Brook from team Air Force let us know that they were informed that they could get their next clue at anytime from the next six hours to the next twenty four. Randomness and surprise at the start of a leg? I love it! The teams are most likely going to get very little rest or get very antsy. Either way is excellent. Most excellent indeed.
Not wanting to take any chances, the teams went to sleep wearing whatever clothes they had planned on having on the next day. After refreshing and cleansing showers, I hope.
Sure enough at 2:20 in the morning, their Motorolas ring. Yes, this is what you do to contestants! Anyone can race and solve clues on a full eight hours of sleep, but this is messing with people! Anyway, their Motorolas ring, and I say "Motorolas" because at no point are they allowed to refer to them as anything else, which made for some delightfully stilted dialogue. Don't get me wrong, I love this show. The product placement just adds a nice touch of cheese to the hearty hamburger of reality adventure show goodness. The thing is, phones ring but we see them all get on their anonymous laptops made by some company that was too cheap to cough up the dough.
A rested and assured, or possibly pre-recorded Laird MacIntosh told the contestants that they would now be following in the footsteps of Lewis and Clark (don't tell Ask.com, but I used Google to get you that link). Laird gave a brief history lesson on the famous duo, but I was too enraptured in his dreaminess to pay too much attention. I'm not saying there's a restraining order in my future, but it looks like the big winner of this show is Laird, in that he has already won my heart. The Southie Boys' John is putting up a damned good fight though. Maybe with a little more screen time, HINT HINT, PRODUCERS!
As we watched some very tired looking contestants learn this information, and yes, the Wild Hanlons look pretty damned rough without some sleep even if we didn't get to see Pat's mullet with bedhead, we found out that they would have to make their way to the Lexington Mine in Montana. There would be nine Toyota Tundras waiting outside to get them there - alright, can we just make product placement a drinking game already? The contestants would have to take a key from a table and find which truck matches their key.
This was fun enough, but not as fun as I envisioned. Sadly they didn't have to go around fitting keys into locks as each one had an alarm system, so all they had to do was press a button until they found the one it affected. The last team to leave the B&B was of course the Wild Hanlons, and they were also the only ones to set off the alarm on their truck. And this was just the start of the show. The way they argued over directions while driving it's amazing that they managed to get anywhere. But dang, they're still loads of fun to watch.
At the mine, teams had to find their way to their next clue that would be in a hidden chamber some 10,000 feet in the mine, and they could all go in or send just two team members down to search for the clue thanks to it being, well, a mine with some cramped tunnels. Once there, they would find a bucket with the words "bend the light" carved on it and a lens stuck to the bottom, all of this surrounded by a whole lot of presumably non-poisonous snakes. That job we'll leave to the Fogal family.
Speaking of the Fogals, and you knew we would be, you'd think descending into the dark bowels of the earth to a serpent-filled cavern would be second nature to them, wouldn't you? Maybe it was the lack of brimstone in the air, but Ma Fogal was quite scared of the snakes. I guess their Dark Lord makes his home in some other dank cave.
Does it speak volumes of my nerdish qualities that I find science interesting and often fun, and so as soon as I saw "bend the light" I immediately thought of refraction? I'd be awesome for this task! It wasn't a camera lens at the bottom of the bucket, so my hideously trollish features wouldn't even break it!
So the secret was to fill the bucket with water, and thanks to it counteracting the lens, the teams would be able to read what was written at the bottom. Wood Bottom, Missouri River, Montana would be their next destination, 150 miles away. There they would canoe over 20 miles, but here's the catch, the boats had to be in the water by dusk (5:30pm) or they would have to wait to dawn. Ah, sweet equalization moments. Let's just hope we get to see it this time, as the frustration is half the fun.
The Fogals then found the clue, prompting Ma Fogal to say, "Thank you, Jesus," which in turn prompted Jesus to say, "Hey, leave me out of your shenannigans, lady!"
Now it was the Miss USAs' turn to find out just how mean that team could be, but in the nicest way of anyone yet as they just left them "in the dust." Word of advice, ladies, don't trust the Fogals. I know by now it's too late, but I really hope you found out during the show.
One by one the other teams started to find the clue, some getting amusingly sidetracked. The Southie Boys, and you know I love them, appeared to have decided to take up mining. However, it turned out they never needed to find it anyway as they made a deal with Team Brown and got the clue from them.
The Wild Hanlons. Ah. One thing you can guarantee is that this team will never miss a clue as they look under and around everything and will write down every number or letter they see. You can't even blame it on Pat, who, due to safety reasons, had to keep the mullet outside in open air. Here's what happened here... While the other teams got the clue and were making their way to Wood Bottom, the Hanlons were still in the mine. For eleven hours they were in the mine! News teams from all the major media started arriving and a candlelight vigil was being organized outside. Sting made an appearance and organized an impromptu concert to raise funds for the Hanlon Two. Rescue rabbits were equipped with safety gear and made to burrow their way in to find our lost heroes.
Seriously, Pat was very worried about his brother and son, and who can blame him. But with all the camera and sound people and communication gear the crew would have, he would have heard if anything had happened. We make fun here, but I felt for his concern and the frustration his family members must surely be feeling.
Over at Wood Bottom, Team Air Force arrived first only to find that they arrived ten minutes too late to launch the boats. Ah, sweet disappointment! Not theirs, but this moment in these shows where people get to play catch-up. It's always good television. The Fogals arrived second, and the Miss USAs were very pleased to find out that they had arrived third, followed by the Grads then the Geniuses (who didn't earn any sarcastic inflections this episode), Ex-CIA, the Southies, and Team Brown.
After finding out about Keith's inevitable and understandable concern about going in a canoe the next day, the teams found out about the Hanlon Two being lost in the mine. Cut back now to above paragraphs, because I'm not editing this the same way as the Treasure Hunter crew is editing the show.
When the Hanlon Two finally made their way out of the mine after finding the clue, the reunion was genuine and sweet, and they made their way to the camp at Wood Bottom to get the two hours of sleep they dearly needed.
Transitioning to the next morning, we got scenes of the teams getting ready when a phone rang out, and one of the Geniuses got the priviledge of saying, "Hey guys, we've got a Motorola message." Really, who says that?
After more history from Laird, he tells the teams they would have to canoe 20 miles, and along the way they will see 14 stars, and 40 paces behind the 14th star they will find their next clue. He neglects to tell them that the stars are red, and that along the way they will have to battle communists in a re-enactment of the Patrick Swayze motion picture classic, Red Dawn. Well, the stars were red. What followed that may have been my overactive imagination.
The canoeing at first went relatively well, though John (JOHN! Boating safety always comes first!) almost capsized the Southie Boys' boat.
Team Brown seemed to be doing okay, they had a good method going, then suddenly Keith lost his balance, and this boat did capsize. This wasn't looking good for them, and for this being the second time something like this has happened to Keith in the show so far, it was looking downright bad for them. I like these guys and really want them to stay. Even moreso, I really hope Keith goes from here to attempt to overcome his fears and spend more time in and around water.
What's also troubling for the Browns, the Wild Hanlons are starting to get ready to start their journey, and Ben has spent a lot of time canoeing. Not that the others would listen to him.
Back to the front-runners, teams were finding themselves at a point where they would have to get out of the water and portage (carry their canoes) for a while, causing Air Force to ask, "How is Miss USA going to portage their boat?"
In a seemingly random moment, we cut to the Miss USAs in their canoe, talking about food with a strange piece of music being played over them. The Hanlons have their twangy countrified music that's our cue to see them as hillbillies stumbling around, so I was left wondering what the producers were trying to make us think of the former pageant contestants. It was a 20 mile canoe ride, of course there's going to be small talk. We haven't seen much of the Miss USAs yet, but what we have seen, I like them already.
Back on dry land, the Southies and Fogals were getting ready to start their portages when Ma Fogal who was carrying the front of the boat told Pa Fogal she had to switch, and they immediately dropped the canoe on the foot of Kayte Fogal. They were having serious issues with this part of the task, so the Southie Boys offered... to... help... them... carry... it.
...
...
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
No, Southies! The Fogals are evil! EVIL I tell you! Oooooh, this is going to come back and bite them in the ass!
Pa Fogal said the Southies were awesome for helping them like that, to which one of the Southies replied, "Just remember it later."
You didn't spend much time in camp talking to the Grad Students, did you Southie Boys?
Meanwhile, the Browns talked things out and Keith agreed to try getting in the canoe again. Yes! I love when people can get past their fears! This did allow the Hanlons to catch up, but that's okay. Overcoming fears is great.
The drama wasn't over year. Pushing their canoe along, Jessica of the Grad Students stepped into a hole (possibly dug by the Fogals) and hurt her leg badly. Really badly. Kat and Melissa had to take turns moving the canoe and carrying Jessica. The obvious pain Jessica was in was heart-wrenching, but here's the thing... they never gave up! Even if they were to come in last, they were going to go down fighting. This is where I fell in love with this team. That doesn't lessen my love for my other favourite teams, but just adds one more to that list.
Team Air Force arrived at the fourteenth star first and proceded to search for the clue, and a three-way regatta of the Southies, Fogals, and Ex-CIA were coming up behind them. At this point Pa Fogal convinces the two other teams that they should all stop at the thirteen star and start digging there, just in case.
Ah, there it is. I'm glad we didn't have to wait too long for the Southies to learn their lesson when it comes to the Fogals. Sure enough, as they and Ex-CIA got out of their boats and started climbing up, the Fogals took off like bats out of hell, a seemingly appropriate comparison at this point. As you can imagine, after carrying a canoe for nine miles for them a certain Boston team wasn't too pleased by this knife in their collective backs.
The good news is that they have now introduce a new word to the lexicon - "Fogaled". Expect to see it used around these parts again.
Now I'm a fan of trickery and deceit done right, but this team isn't doing it right. When the Frat Boys cancelled the cabs of their opponents in the last Amazing Race, there was a sense of fun and mischief about it, and when their own cab didn't show up, they accepted it with good humour as karma smacking them upside the head. Not so the Fogals who are just playing one of the dirtiest games I've ever seen, and doing it with a lovely touch of hypocrisy. They're not doing it smartly either, as they've now lost any chance of getting any help from the other teams later on. Play dirty when need be, but don't turn right around and blow any alliances away. I think that's what bothers me more than anything, is that it's stupid dirty.
Anyway, Air Force managed to dig up their clue just before the Fogals arrived, but at this point it's going to be fairly easy to find as the teams aren't going to have much time to cover their tracks, so it's all about time.
What they found was the same code Lewis and Clark used back in the hood to keep their communications secret with Captain Rocket Ranger or the president or something. They would then have to find their way to their next destination, Tower Rock.
The Fogals surprisingly didn't set fire to the remaining clues, but we did get to see them try to rationalize their dirty move followed by a prayer, "God, thank you for getting us through," at which point Jesus said to God, "See? They keep trying to blame us!"
Back to the Grad Students, things aren't going well. Hunky lead medic Scott came over and tended to Jessica's injured leg. Her teammates were willing to quit the hunt for her, but she didn't want to have anything to do with that. Will she be able to go on?
Cutting to Team Air Force, they're looking at the cipher and they arrived at Tower Rock. The phone rang, and one of the men said, yes, "We've got a video message on the Motorola phone." Feel free to roll your eyes. The upside of being made to utter such obviously forced words is that they, and we, get to see more of dreamy Laird.
At Tower Rock, they have to find their next artifact, and there are only eight of them in the park, so one team's hunt will end here.
They found a wooden sign with the coded message painted on. They soon decoded it, and it said...
Follow close and to the right
Look 'neath a rock as dark as night
Byron and Shelley, eat your hearts out!
More teams arrived, and all started working on the clues. Sure enough Air Force found an artifact first, this time it being a compass. Once they found this, they were safe for the next leg and could then go and get some rest.
Dark as night? This was made with the Fogals in mind, and yes, they came in second. More and more teams found their compasses until the Geniuses found the sixth. That left two, with the Browns, Grad Students, and Wild Hanlons left to find theirs. With several more minutes of show left to come, it was far from over.
The Hanlons were the seventh team to arrive at Tower Rock, but come on, it's the Hanlons! Where's the fun in making things easy?
Despite having a cipher for the code, Pat decided to use Mullet Power to work it out, tossing out ideas such as "Australian" and tilting his head to every angle. It's hard to tell with editing, but it looked like it was at this point the Browns arrived at the fourteenth star to find that clue, and the Grad Students were nowhere to be seen, possibly not being able to forge on any more. No matter what happens, a likeable team is doomed.
Then suddenly we see Jessica on crutches with her knee wrapped up and they're at the fourteenth star clue! So they're not out of it yet! Even if they lose, wow, good job.
Thanks to some speedy film shots, it got dark very quickly and the Hanlons were walking around in the night, not yet having deciphered the clue but looking all over the place anyway. They had the cipher and there was a code, but Pat was determined that there had to be something else. Ben was tired and hungry and had enough, so before proceding any further he decided they all had to go get something to eat. Huh. How far away is the closest restaurant? Josh said it was an eighty mile round trip. During an elimination stage. Huh again. And they did go get food from a drive-through restaurant somewhere.
The Browns then arrived at Tower Rock, but in the dark they were having trouble finding the sign. Next came the Grad Students, literally carrying Jessica part way, and they found the sign first and deciphered the code. The Hanlons then made their way back to the park and the sign where Josh made seemingly short work of deciphering, but this had to be an editing trick. There is no way they could be ahead of Team Brown, even though it's now that they find the sign.
With Kat carrying Jessica on her back, the Grad Students were the first of these teams to find a compass! For so many players, an injury like that would have ended the game, but not for these women! Not only weren't they the last team, they weren't even the last team to find a compass. That's quite amazing. How far they'll be able to get now, who knows? But even if they can't continue on, they'll always have the satisfaction of having been able to pull this off.
It's down to two now, Team Brown vs. Team Wild Hanlons. I know who I would bet on. That's why I'm not a big gambler, because I would have lost the bet. Despite having gone way out of their way to get some food, the Hanlons uncovered the last compass, and so Team Brown is eliminated. Damn. If it wasn't for the canoe incident, I've no doubt it would have been the Hanlons going home Texas style. As fun as they are, they seem to be getting by on luck more than anything else.
So there it was, episode two, and it had everything. Drama, comedy, adventure, dirty dealing, good vs. evil, injuries, poetry, and suspense. Other than John without a shirt, what more can you ask for?