So You Think You Can Dance - Air Date May 25

I'm really torn about this show. Not about watching it, doing that is a given. I'm talking about covering it here. Like American Idol (a show I don't watch), this is more an overblown talent show than it is a reality game show, and there isn't any room for scheming or plotting. Even worse, it's up to the public who goes home, and we saw what blunder that can be in the last season of Dancing With the Stars. Yes, Master P, I'm looking at you.
So that leaves little choice but to talk about my favourites dancers and dancers, and do a lot of snarking. Meh. Maybe that'll be fun too. Sorry if things start to get a little too recappy here. Recaps are what TVgasm is for.

One of the problems with the way we hear the world is that we don't hear what we sound like to other people. Who hasn't heard a recording of themselves then ask if they really sound like that? I know when I sing to myself, I sound pretty okay. When I hear a recording of myself singing, I sound pretty damned awful. So maybe there are people who audition for American Idol who have never heard themselves recorded and truly have no idea how gawdawful they sound.
Dancing is another matter altogether. I don't need to see myself on video to know I suck. Apparantly there are people though who do need such help. A lot of people. And look at the video yourself, don't rely on your mother to tell you the truth.
And the show starts out at the auditions in New York with the lovely story of a boy and his mother. The boy's name is Dave Fuller, who wants to go by the monicker "Sex". His dancing is sexy and all about sex, you see. I just wish he'd shut up about sex. For starters, he's obviously a virgin. Or maybe not, but more on that soon enough. He's had no formal dance training (REALLY!?!), but practices a lot in his bedroom. Dancing, you dirty minded perv! His audition is just painful to watch, but that's the point of these audition shows, isn't it? Laugh at the deluded fool! Laugh and feel better about yourself! It's horrible, but it works. I do feel better about myself.
"Sex" of course doesn't make it through to the next stage. The only way that would happen would be if the judges suddenly developed an incredibly cruel streak. He doesn't take the rejection well, and doesn't want to talk to the cameras until he's talked to his mother.
The next time we see Dave, he's standing behind his mother in a very creepy way while she talks to the camera. She too is at a loss for Dave's failure to succeed as a professional dancer. Her son is a great dancer who imbues his art with sex and sexiness and he has some sexy moves. It's at this point I questioned whether he is truly a virgin or not.
You can take this moment to picture my involuntary shudder, if you so desire.
There were other dancers. Some good, some bad. Blah blah blah. I'll care about the good ones when we get to Las Vegas, where the next level of cuts will be. Right now it's all about the delusion, and we're getting it in spades!
The next day, still in New York, we got to meet Ian Benardo, a man who lived up to all the worst gay stereotypes while missing the best by a mile. He was a bitchy diva too full of himself, but with nothing to back it up. I'll be nice and say he was a little on the homely side (as I've said before, I'm a hideous troll myself so I feel it's okay for me to say this), his sense of style wasn't there (a senseless of style?) - hey, Ian, what's with the bad fur coat? - and worst of all, he couldn't dance. Or maybe he could. He moved somewhat while he was on stage. I think. Maybe he was adjusting his underwear. I don't know. But he didn't make it through. And that's when he started arguing with the judges. Then after he left he still kept on about them. Then he swore at everyone as he stormed off. I'm going to miss him.
Later on the auditions moved to Charleston. You know, that city in one of the Carolinas. I will spare myself the indignity of demonstrating my near total ignorance of Charleston by not saying any more on that subject.
More good and bad dancers. Yeah yeah. A lot of people travelled a long way to get there, even some from... New York? I guess they may have thought they'd have a better chance. All I know is that while the delusions were still there, the level of sheer lunacy was down a few notches. Take that, Red Staters! No, wait! Ummmm... Never mind.
There was one dancer here who never had a chance, but I really liked her, dagnabbit. Jessica Wheeler, hairstylist, clogger, and sweetheart extraordinaire. Sorry to say though, the judges just weren't with her for the clogging. I enjoyed her performance for what it was, but she didn't really stand a chance. I don't mind when the judges meet attitude with attitude, but they could have been a little nicer with Jessica. When she left in tears, I just wanted to give her a hug.

I just want to finish this with a comment on the one moment that really bothered me on the show. A little person was auditioning, I don't know his name as I wasn't taking notes and I got the rest of the names off the official website (yes, I'm lazy that way and should reconsider the whole note-taking thing). He was a decent enough dancer, and with enough dance training could certainly find a niche for himself. The problem for the judges was how he would fair in the ballroom dances with a much taller partner. A fair enough concern, and something they could bring up with tact and aplomb. Or they could do what they did and just ignore him standing there as they argue amongst themselves whether he could do ballroom or not. Eventually he figured they were no longer going to be talking to him so he just left while they continued arguing over his height.
Okay, he may not have been right for this competition, but he's still a human being. Please try treating him as such, judges? Thank you.